"Just
kidding."
- Summary of Pope
John Paul II's recent comments on the approximately 2000-year-old description
of Hell as a place of fire and brimstone. Apparently it's actually
a mere state of mind "but you know how the boys in marketing tend to exaggerate,
haha."
Mother
Nature Uses Unregistered, Large Caliber Earthquake To Slay 6800+
'We all have our faults,'
Father Time makes excuses as police warn suspect is still on the loose,
urge humans to remain indoors
- New York Times front
page
"I am a
person of strong faith....
I'm going
to leave that to the states."
- Elizabeth Dole in
response to the question, "Do you believe in evolution?" When asked
the follow-up question, "Do you believe two and two make four?" she replied
"I believe it is every American's right to decide that highly personal
issue for him- or herself rather than have an official dogma imposed on
us by the IRS."
"Who the
fuck do you think you are?!"
- Psychologist Michael
Brooks, author of the best-selling how-to-relate-to-strangers guide "Instant
Rapport," in a confrontation with a flight attendant that ended up
forcing his plane to make an emergency landing.
"The President
received quite a scare today when he was shaking hands in a crowd and a
woman suddenly leaped over a security fence. Fortunately, ever vigilant
Secret Service agents managed to wrestle the President's penis to the ground
before it could do him any further harm."
- CNN Special Report
"I'd like
to buy more toys."
- Platinum Visa card
application submitted on behalf of preschooler Alessandra Scalise by her
mother as a joke. Two banks granted her a $5000 line of credit as
a result.
"You know
what happens, somebody floats a rumor and it causes you to ask a question.
And that's the game in American politics and I refuse to play it.
That is a game and you just fell for the trap and I refuse to play."
- George W. Bush when
asked if he had ever used cocaine as he apparently attempted to make the
Guinness Book of World Records for "Longest Alternate Version Of A Simple
'Yes'."
