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An Important Message From
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Ok, amigos - listen up. The weird guy who usually fills this space when he should be bringing me milk is still recovering from his inept attempt to drink himself to death last night. The doctors say he'll be fine as soon as his system clears that half a can of beer he managed to get into him before his straw clogged with foam. In the interim, I'm in charge - got it? If you ever forget and need a leetle reminder, just go ask Mr. Claw.
You can call me Jester. Some months ago - never mind how long precisely
- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest
me in the 'hood, I thought I would fall into a basement window well and
see who might come "rescue" me. It is a way I have of exercising
my curiosity while generously sharing my sweet face with strangers who
might otherwise live their entire lives in lonely ugliness. And it
gives me a break from piddling in the flowerbeds of old ladies just to
hear 'em cackle.
Can I be frank? I like you. Don't let it go to your head or
anything foolish like that, but I really do. If you're reading this
you've obviously made it this far, and that shows real class and intelligence.
I like that in a person. In fact, just the thought of you right now
is making my whiskers all tingly with the desire to rub up against your
naked legs. So, how about tuning in WMEW for me, hmmm? You
know, the station with "All Your Favorite Caterwauling From The '60s, '70s,
and '80s!" I'd do it myself, but - well... It would mean so
much more coming from you.
Where was I? Oh, Weird Guy.
Which reminds me -
Back.
The Tortoise and the Hare A tortoise and a hare got into an argument one day as to which one was the fastest. Before separating to go watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the privacy of their own homes, they agreed to meet again at such and such a time at a certain well-known race track to settle their argument once and for all. On the day of the big race the hare had such confidence in his speediness that he did not double-check his power steering fluid before peeling out, and consequently went out of control, smashing his body against a side wall and showering hundreds of innocent spectators with deadly flaming fur. The tortoise, on the other hand, dedicated little plodder that he was, kept making steady progress around the track until smashed to pieces by the emergency vehicles racing to get to the site of the hare's crash. Moral of the Story:
Never do anything physically demanding when you could be inside curled
up on freshly-laundered dish towels.
Ok, that's enough for today. I think my 17 pounds of purr and fur might be just what Weird Guy's upset tummy needs dropped on it at this point in his recovery. And besides, wouldn't want to spoil you with too much fabulous feline writing my first day here. It would only make you sad and angry about all the human mind droppings you had to wade through to get to this oasis of wit.
So meow for now, baby.
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