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Everything
I Know About Dating, I Learned in Kindergarten
by Curt Degenhart
Explode your dating world. Reject all the rules,
motherly advice, insipid ideas about what guys want, and
other pop schlock. The time is now for a total
annihilation of how you think about dating and
relationships. This ain't gonna be easy.
Making Up My Own Rules
MatchScene itself published "25 rules from men to
women." I had a very good laugh. In fact, it
reminded me of lists I used to make with my friends back
in 8th grade: a bunch of us boys would get together,
list all the girls in our class, and rate them as to
their positive and negative attributes. That was then.
Now, I've got a better idea. Why not just make one rule
for guys to live by: "I'll do whatever I want to
do"? When you find that very few partners will put
up with that, you'll have to figure out what other rules
you can live by. Can't say you didn't try.
From Boy to World: 9 Rules
You could say that I think all these rules men and women
are making up about each other, for each other, are
nothing but the ravings of boys and girls grown tall.
In response to the legacy these lists of rules have left
us, I've come up with my own list - from a little boy to
little girls. Please, pass it on.
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1.
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Don't
touch my blocks. They're mine. I don't want to
share. If I do decide to share, you'd better give
me something I want in return.
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2.
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I
never think about you unless you're with me. I'm
not really aware of others. In fact, I hardly
think about myself. Of course, I'm very young and
haven't developed the cognitive abilities one
needs to think much at all about myself or others.
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3.
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If
I'm not nice to you, tough. Go play with the
girls. Maybe we can talk again in a few years, or
have some fun on the playground behind the jungle
gym. Please. Sorry I was so mean. That's just the
way we boys are. I can't help myself. Is there any
way I can make it up to you, except this Sunday
'cause I'm already busy.
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4.
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Girls
have too many shoes and too many clothes. I'm
jealous. The only way I'll get to wear an outfit
with lots of accessories is if I become a football
player or a rock star. I better start practicing.
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5.
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Boys
don't cry. Only sissy girls cry. If I fall down
and hurt myself, I'm not gonna cry, but I might go
off and slug someone. But no way do I cry. That
wasn't a tear you saw - that was from anger.
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6.
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Repeat:
Boys are not sensitive! Watch me smash this block
tower! ARRRRRGH!
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7.
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Don't
complain about the toilet seat. You're lucky I
even hit the toilet. I can barely reach the rim
anyway. Mom will clean it up if I make a mess. A
few dribbles never killed anybody, right? You have
it easy, you don't have to aim.
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8.
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I
don't remember important dates. I can barely
remember my own birthday, although I never would
forget it completely. I'd be pretty upset if you
forgot it. Don't forget me and my birthday! Sorry
if I forget your important dates, but it's your
fault for not reminding me. Sorry in advance for
not remembering.
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9.
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I
like guns, torturing spiders, and playing ball.
Please respect my needs. They're what a boy wants.
What can I say, that's how I am. I can do these
things whenever I want to. I might do something
girly with you later, only if you leave me alone
now.
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