June 4, 1972 ~ May 29, 1990

The above graphic was made by my sis, Pam. thank you from the bottom of my heart for this graphic ~ it says just what I know to be true ~ God is enjoying and taking care of Jenilyn until He calls me home!!


There are so many things to tell about Jen, this page will be updated continually so come back and learn more about Jen.

I would like to thank Nancy for this award for Jenny's page ~ I will cherish it always. Please visit her site she has lots of backgrounds with matching snowglobes for your use. Click on the link below and it will take you there and don't forget to sign her guestbook.

I would like to thank whomever voted for my site to receive this beautiful award. I received it on May 16, 1999 and it came at a period in my life which is very hard with May 20th being the first year anniversary of my dad's death and May 29th being the date Jen passed away. I am truly grateful that Jen's story touched someone who thought enough to vote for Jen's story to receive this award ~ thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Jenny

She has soft blonde hair and big blue eyes,
She is always smiling she hardly ever cries,
She is not aware of things going on,
She is like a wilted flower who is lost without the sun,
Jenny can't walk or talk yet, I believe that inside of her there is someone just aching to get out! possibly saying, don't give up, I'm in here!
Though she may never be normal and run and play like other children, there is one thing, like the rest of us that she will do and that is, go to Heaven.
There she will have the kind of life that was not possible for her on earth.
This is not anyone's fault, it is just something that happens and something we all accept, and try to help, for someday she will be rewarded...She will never be forgotten.
She is a brave little soldier in a big strange world.
I wish Jenny and all of her little friends could know how we feel...
But, even more, I wish we could know what they are feeling.

My husband and I found out that we were going to be parents again ~ and we were both happy ~ two children what we wanted. We were at his pool banquet the night of June 3, 1972. On the way home I started into labor. When I got home I called the doctor while my husband went to bed and passed out. I explained the pain to him (more or less one long contraction) and he didn't think that I was in labor, he said that when I could time the pains to get to the hospital as I had our son, Chris, in less than three hours and the doctor figured this child would come much quicker.

Well I went to bed and thought I felt the contraction let up and start again so I woke up my husband and told him that we had to get to the hospital. They took me to the labor room and a nurse came in and talked to me and diagnosed me as not being in labor that I had to urinate instead, so they ordered a catheter and all they got out were a few dribbles. She then called the doctor which in turn said to call in a specialist. During this time I am not sure where my husband was ~ I figured he was out in the waiting room sleeping. In the meantime, a resident came in and checked me and determined that I was in fetal distress as that is what he wrote in the notes (which I found out years later). Both doctors arrived at the same time and the specialist examined me and left the room and came back a few minutes later and informed me that our child could either be normal, could be dead or something could be wrong with her (except back then didn't know it was a female). He told me that if the pain didn't leave up within an hour he was going to take our child c-section. He then informed me that they were going to transfer me to another hospital to use a fetal heart monitor on myself and the baby. I told him that if they were going to do a c-section why not do it here ~ by the time I would be transferred the hour would be up. I told him our son was born in that hospital and I had complete faith in that hospital. However, my arguing got me no where ~ I was then transferred from St. Charles Hospital to Mercy Hospital. My husband was not in the room during this time or had he been since I was brought into the room. He apparently followed the ambulance over because after they hooked me up to the monitor he came into the labor room. He said that he was going to make some phone calls and I asked him to call my mom and dad and tell them what was going on. He never did come back into the room where I was. I was in severe pain and was in and out of it alot. They never did take our child c-section, I remained in labor for 11 plus hours while at Mercy Hospital alone. When I did start having contractions and knew that our child was going to be born, I screamed to get someone in there and a nurse came in and tried to unhook us both from the monitor. The doctor in charge of the monitor came in and yelled at the nurse and took the wires and literally pulled them from the machine. He then pushed me into the delivery room. They gave me a spinal, saddle and sodium penethol and I still felt everything when our daughter was born. My pelvic bones were not dialated enough and they punctured her on her head and below one eye. The doctor had to cut me drastically and also use forceps during the birth. I remember when our daughter was born that she was purple, but that she cried ~ but they kept me pretty much sedated. They told me that she would need to be in a special incubator because she was small ~ she weighed 5 lbs. 3 ounces ~ which today isn't small at all, but back then they considered that a small baby, I guess.

My mom came up later that day and walked in a said "you had a black baby." I will never forget those words ~ I just associated those with our daughter being purple. They kept me pretty much drugged for the next two days. On the third day they brought our daughter in to me ~ she was so beautiful and nothing seemed out of the ordinary ~ she had her color back and looked beautiful, had all ten fingers and toes ~ the only problem was is that she had a hard time nursing. We used premie nipples and she was able to eat using those, however, it would take about one hour to get down a couple ounces of formula. I had wanted to nurse her as I did our son, however, it was brought to my attention that they had "accidentally" given me a shot in the labor room to dry up the milk. Not once during this time did the doctor say that anything was wrong with our daughter. They did an apgar test right after she was born to determine her mental ability ~ that showed that she wouldn't progress past the age of one month ~ not one word was spoken to either myself nor my husband (found that out years later also).

Things went smoothly and we were in the hospital for a total of seven to ten days. We went home and I figured we had the perfect family now ~ one boy, one girl ~ both perfect and what more could anyone ask for? My husband didn't have too much to do with either of the children. He would occasionally hold our daughter and play with our son, but as far as helping out with them ~ no ~ that was my responsibility. He continued to stop after work for drinks with the guys and then come home and would expect dinner on the table and the house spotless. That was no big deal to me as I always had kept a clean house and had meals planned out. And then after dinner he would plop himself in front of the television. Three weeks after we had come home from the hospital my mom suggested that I take our daughter to our pediatrician since she still had her eye infection which was caused when my pelvic bones punctured her below her eye. To satisfy my mother's needless worry (or at least I thought) I made an appointment for our daughter to see the pediatrician. The day of the appointment came and I was shocked after her examination of our daughter that she wanted us to go see a neurologist. She wouldn't say why, however, she made an appointment with a neurologist. I remember asking her and she said that she just wanted to rule out something, and it was better to be on the safe side than sorry. So the appointment was made to take her to see the specialist. At the appointment he examined our daughter and informed us that she had cerebal palsy ~ shocked, yes. Here was this perfect child and never had any idea that anything was wrong with her except that it took a little longer to feed her and she couldn't hold up her head yet (3 months). During this period she was seen by our family doctor and not one word was said that anything was wrong with Jen. Never dreamt that anything was physically wrong with her ~ we used a cradle for our son after he was born and he was able to stay in it for three months and then was moved to the crib. With our daughter she could only stay in it a week ~ after that we had to move her to the crib. I would put her in at one end at night and the next morning she would be completely turned around and at the other end of the crib. Who would have thought that this child had anything wrong with her? Well this doctor wanted us to take her to the University Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan. We made the appointment and went to see the pediatric neurologist there a month later. He informed us at that time that our daughter was mentally retarded from birth. He told us that when a doctor didn't know what was wrong that they would label it cerebal palsy ~ he said too many doctors used that as a "wastebasket term." He also said that our daughter would not progress past the age of one month (apparently she had been progressing and then regressed back to one month) and that she would probably not live past the age of two. We made another appointment for our daughter to get checked out again in six months and went home devestated.

I contacted our local Board of Mental Retardation and told them that I needed to find out exactly what exercises were needed to keep her limbs so that they would not atrophy. They sent a physical therapist out to show me exercises to do with our daughter. I continued on with the exercises twice a day and still did all the other things that a wife and mother does. Our daughter averaged once a month every month in the hospital for the first two and a half years of her life for upper respiratory infections, etc. She would be in the hospital anywhere from 5 days to 28 days. There were times when she would be released from the hospital only to end up back in the next day or three days later because she had been released too soon. When she wasn't in the hospital many times she was ill at home and there were many times when I would average three hours a sleep a week ~ amazing what a mother and wife can do for the people that she loves. Looking back on it now ~ I don't know how I did it ~ but I did because I always believed in putting family first and I had God's help to get me through those rough times. In the meantime, I went back to work fulltime to help with the bills. They did mount up with our daughter.

My husband and I went to bed one evening and he informed me then that he wanted me and the children out of the house the next day. He stated that his girlfriend was going to move in. Talk about shock ~ here is this person who I thought I knew who had made me a promise after the first time that there would never be another affair and where did my trust get me?...no where. Maybe I was too busy with the children to notice ~ but never once refused to make love to him or spend time with him even if it was in front of the television. The next day I went to see this girl and informed her that she could have him and wished her the best of luck. She informed me that she was already engaged and didn't know what she wanted and I told her that wasn't my fault, that I was finished with him and he was all hers. She never moved in and he decided to take an apartment over keeping the house. I still can't believe to this day that I actually went out and helped him pick out furniture for his apartment ~ guess no matter how much someone hurt me I still wanted to help them if I could. I do know that I do believe in marriage and I will put in 110% to try and make it work. I filed for divorce and only asked for $15.00 a week for each child. I also asked that they be covered under his insurance as the job that I had at the time had no insurance benefits and that anything over $50.00 would have to be covered under his insurance ~ because I knew that there was a $50.00 deductible for every office call or outpatient procedure ~ other than that it was covered 80/20. I never realized how many $15.00 and $30.00 medical bills that our daughter did have that I ended up paying for. I also went in search of an apartment for the children and myself. We may not have had much money, but I sure had a lot of love to give my children. Yes, at this point I can call them "my" children. As my husband had stated many times "out of sight ~ out of mind" as far as my daughter was concerned ~ apparently my son too. He even told his parents not to have anything to do with our daughter ~ found that out years later too. I had a girl come live with us to take care of the children while I worked in exchange for room and board and $30.00 a week. She was to get my son off to school and to feed and take care of my daughter while I was at work. I told her that I would fix dinner for us when I got home and that I would take care of the children from that point on. I could not understand when I did return home from work why my daughter ate so good. I finally found out ~ Cindy was not feeding her. Trust? I had trusted Cindy to care for my two children while I was at work and again I trusted in the wrong person. I immediately told her to get out and I tried to find a nurse or someone else to come in to care for my children. As my luck had it, I didn't have any luck. I could not get a nurse as it would have been too expensive to have one nine hours a day five days a week and there wasn't anyone that I could find that would care for a handicapped child. Yes, you might think that there is state aid out there ~ maybe I would have been farther ahead to go on welfare ~ but I wasn't brought up that way ~ I was taught to earn a living and I was able to work. That was my only option and I chose to work and provide for my family. My only other alternative was to see if there was a home to place my daughter in. I located two and decided on Sunshine Children's Home in Maumee (being that it was the closest one ~ only twenty-five miles away versus seventy) ~ it was a private home for the mentally retarded started by a husband and wife who had six mentally retarded children and then was taken over by the Menanites ~ I would nor could have never put my daughter in a state institution ~ the cost of the home was $1,000.00 a month to start. To help defray costs of the home I took on a second job babysitting at night when I was not working. My daughter was put there one day after her third birthday. I was so concerned because I was afraid that something was going to happen to her and that she would get sick and die and I knew that if that happened I would never be able to live with myself again. My son and I would go see her every day when I got home from work. There wasn't a day that went by that we didn't go to see her ~ the workers at Sunshine always kidded us that they didn't have to look at a clock ~ when they heard that door open and close (chimes) they knew what time it was. It took me two years before I was comfortable that nothing was going to happen to my daughter. Sunshine is a fantastic facility and the care and love that she and the other kids got there was amazing. I think that we had God on our side when I decided on Sunshine.

During the course of nine months not one time did my ex-husband come to see the children. My son missed his daddy drastically. So I went to talk to him and asked if he would like to reconcile. I said that with our daughter being in a home maybe we would have a chance since he had never accepted her from the start. However, I did tell him that he would have to quit drinking. He wanted to try again and promised that he would quit drinking...again I believed and trusted in him. That promise lasted until we got married in June ~ three months later. We decided to wait to get married and remarry on our original wedding date. During that period of time he didn't drink ~ he actually was the perfect husband and father ~ he even went out to Sunshine to see our daughter with Chris and myself. But once the knot was tied again ~ I knew that he conveniently forgot all about his promise. We moved from the apartment back to our original house that we had purchased on a golf course.

I was informed that my daughter had an appointment to see a gynecologist as she had an infection. Learned then that she wasn't a perfect little girl anymore ~ someone had sexually abused her. Yes, I know who did ~ but you need proof and she was mentally retarded. She had even been in this guy's wedding. Yes, he had worked at the home ~ trust? How could anyone trust when this happens to your daughter? To take advantage of a child that cannot do anything for herself. No, she couldn't hold up her head or anything else ~ even though she was growing ~ she was like a baby at the age of one month. I always said that if I would ever see that person they wouldn't want to see me ~ which they probably won't ~ but I also know that God will take care of him for me ~ no doubt about that.

Jenny had another appointment in Ann Arbor to be checked annually. What I found out was that Sunshine was slowly starving her to death. Trust? Lost it again. Here was one of the top private facilities in the state and this was happening not only to Jenny, but how many other children? They said that Jenny would need a feeding tube inserted into her stomach and that she should be fed through that to get the proper nutrion that she needed. It seems that a lot of people are under the impression that a child who is less active than a normal child did not need as much to eat ~ well they learned a valuable lesson. I talked to the doctor and the nutrionalist in Ann Arbor and told them that I would have a fight on my hands on this one. I asked if things did not go well could the nutrionalist come to Sunshine and meet with everyone necessary and myself. I also stated that if Jenny was this way what about the other children? So back to Sunshine Jenny and I went on a mission for ALL the children there. When I returned I talked to the RN on duty and told her what had transpired in Ann Arbor. I can still remember her comment, "I would never let my child go through that." I informed her that Jenny wasn't her child and I did not want my child to starve to death and if that is what it took ~ that is what was going to happen ~ a feeding tube would be surgically put in her stomach. Well the next day I called Ann Arbor and set up an appointment for the nutrionalist to come to Sunshine. We presented the facts as to what was happening to Jenny and to possibly more of the children at Sunshine. We opened THEIR eyes and because of this approximately nine children including Jenny had feeding tubes put in. Yes we arose victorious and I thank God for making me a mother that would fight not only for Jenny, but for the other children there as well. Improvement? Yes, within two months we did see an improvement in Jenny and the other children. If I had to do it again ~ I would do it in a heartbeat ~ someone has to stand up for the rights of these children. I thank God for bringing me Jenny, she was given to me for a reason and even though I might have had to work and fight many times to be victorious ~ we succeeded. Yes Jenny, we did it.

Well on May 28, 1990 I received a phone call from Sunshine to get to Toledo Hospital that my daughter was taken there. I rushed to the hospital along with a friend to find her in the emergency room. I was not sure what had happened. My sister had arrived about the same time. I was told to wait in the waiting room and finally a nurse came out to get me. I went back and they told me that she either needed to be put on a respirator or she would die, but once on the respirator she would never come off. That was the second hardest decision that I had to make in my life. The first one being to put her in Sunshine. I talked to God and decided that if she was going to live God would give her the will again to live. She had pulled through rough times in the past and I thought she would now. I could not be selfish for myself and allow her to be put on a respirator ~ she had suffered enough. Within thirty-six hours she was gone ~ Jesus had come to take her home. I learned later that she had had a heart attack brought on by her scoleosis (curvature of the spine). It had pushed her vital organs from one side to the other side of her body. She passed away on May 29, 1990 when God decided he needed another special angel. I told you goodbye Jen and those are two words that I will never say to anyone else again. I will never forget that last breath of air that she took ~ but I also knew that she was finally at peace. On the radio when she passed away Juice Newton was singing "Angel of the Morning." That song when I hear it today brings back the memories of that night ~ but now they are happier memories. Yes, I miss my daughter very much ~ but I have also released her to be where she so rightfully belongs ~ in Heaven (and that took place in 1998 ~ I didn't want to let her go because she was the one true person who had accepted me for who I was and she trusted me and I trusted her).

The day that Jen passed away was rainy. Once the rain stopped I had to get out of the house and go sit on the porch. I was talking to God and Jen and I asked God for a signal that He had taken her home to be with Him. I looked up in the sky and there was this most perfect and I mean perfect rainbow. Shortly thereafter from the ground up came another rainbow. I knew that was God showing me that He was taking Jen home to be with Him. God is so very awesome. He truly does hear and answer our prayers.

Jen touched so many lives ~ she taught you to give 100% of yourself and not ask for anything in return ~ Jen had so much love to give to anyone who entered her life. All you had to do was talk to Jen and she had a smile for you. Jen it has been twenty-three years and I still miss you sooooooo very much punkin...you will always be in my heart ~ but I know you will always be at my side and anyone else that needs you. You are now one of God's angels and you will continue to go on teaching and helping people ~ all they have to do is ask. I love you Punkin.