"My wife says she's leaving me if I don't give up golf."
"What are you going to do?"
"Miss her like hell."
The police arrived and found a woman dead on her living room floor with a golf club next to her body. They asked the husband, "Is this your wife?"
"Yes," he replied. "Did you kill her?" "Yes, he replied." "It looks like you struck her eight times with this 3-iron. Is that correct?" "Yes," he replied, "...but put me down for a five."A minister went to the local golf course hoping to find someone to play with. As luck would have it, there was a member in the pro shop looking for a game, so they were introduced and went to the first tee.
The member asked, "What's your handicap?" The minister replied, "I'm a twelve." The member said, "Oh, good, so am I. Would you like to bet a dollar a hole?"The minister agreed, and when they finished they went into the club house.As the minister was shelling out eighteen dollars to the member, he said, "Say, I'd like for you to come down to the church sometime." The member said, "'I'd like to do that."Then the minister added, "And bring your mother and father; I'd like to marry them."A "golf widow" concedes that if she is ever to see her husband she needs to learn the game.
So she goes to the country club and signs up for lessons with the golf pro.
They get out to the course and the pro instructs her to hold the club as she would her husband's organ.
She hits the ball and the pro exclaims, "Beautiful!! Great shot, right down the center of the fairway!!Now, take the club out of your mouth and we'll go for distance."
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle.On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle.As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life." "Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "I'm Father O'Malley."..........[ Back ]....................................................[ Front Page ].................................................... [ Forward ]