Past months Featured Jokes......February

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft."

The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft."

The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft."

As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same exact answer each time, 'What is loft?' "

The pro says, "Lack of fucking talent."

John suddenly left the last hole and dashed to the clubhouse bleeding profusely from a large gash in his forehead. One of his member buddies asked him, "What the hell hit you?"

All four went looking for it. After a long search, no luck. John goes on, "On a whim I decided I would check the cows, and lo and behold after lifting several tails there was a ball lodged in one of the cow's rear ends.

I called my buddy's wife over and just asked her, 'Does this look like your's?'" That's when she clobbered me with her 5 iron.

What's the difference between a golf ball in the woods and a woman's G-spot?

A guy will spend twenty minutes looking for a golf ball in the woods.

This hacker approaches the 18th tee box,It's a par 3 island green surrounded by water. Well after his so far terrible day of golf, He decides he had better use an old golf ball. He steps up to put the ball on the tee and hears a voice from above. The voice says, "USE A NEW BALL."

So the guy proceeds to pull a new ball out of his bag and tee it up. He hears the voice again. "TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So the guy takes a practice swing.

Then he hears the voice again "PUT THE OLD BALL BACK!"

Once, the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."

The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members.

"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole and, as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golfball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away. Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing. The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time." "I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?" "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred pound note" he replied.

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?" Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."