"Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work."
Angel

Angel: You want to know what my problem is? I'm screwed. That's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash! I never can! Never going to be enough.
Now I got Wolfram and Hart dogging me, it's too much! Two hundred highly intelligent law-school graduates working full-time driving me crazy. Why the hell is everyone so surprised that it's working?
But no, it's 'Angel, why're you so cranky?' 'Angel, you should lighten up.' 'You should smile.' 'You should wear a nice plaid.'
Lorne: Oh. Not this season, honey.

Wesley: I didn't sleep very well.
Angel: Yeah, and you look like hell. Not the fun one, where they burn you with hot pokers for all eternity, but the hardcore one. You know, Nixon and Brittney Spears.
 'Sleep Tight'

Spike: What is it with you good guys running in packs? Who's this one then?
Doyle: More than meets the eye, blondie.
Spike: Oooo, the Mick's got spine. Maybe I'll snap it in two.
In The Dark

Doyle: Let me tell you a little bedtime story.
Angel: But I'm not sleepy.
Doyle: Once upon a time there was a vampire, and he was the meanest vampire in all the land. All the other vampires were afraid of him, he was such a bastard. Then one day he's cursed by Gypsies. They restore his human soul and all of a sudden he's mad with guilt. You know, "What have I done." You know, he's freaked.
Angel: Oh, okay now I'm sleepy.
Doyle: Yeah, well it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a little sex is my feeling. So, sure enough enter a girl. Pretty little blond thing, vampire slayer by trade. And our vampire falls madly in love with her. But eventually, the two of them, well they get fleshy with one another, and the moment he...well I guess the technical term is 'perfect happiness', but when our boy gets there, he goes bad again. He kills again. It's ugly. So when he gets his soul back for a second time, he figures hey, he can't be anywhere near young miss puppy eyes without endangering them both. So what does he do? He takes off. Goes to LA, to fight evil and to atone for his crimes. He's a shadow. A faceless champion of the hapless human race.
Angel: Okay, so you told me the story of my life. Which, since I was there, I already knew. Why aren't I kicking you out?
City of Angels

Angel: You think she's a hottie.
Doyle: Ah, yeah, she's a stiffener alright. I can't lie about that.
City of Angels

Lorne: "You want me to talk to my family? On purpose?"
 'Through the Looking Glass'

Spike: We can play cat and mouse all night . . . Or I could wedgie you unconscious and be done with it.
Andrew: Brav-o. I see your senses seem to be as well-honed as your Viggo Mortensen pectorals.
 'Damage'

Spike: I had a relationship with her, too!
Angel: Okay, sleeping together is not a relationship.
Spike: It is if you do it enough times.

Angel: If the next words out of your mouth are "Kill Spike," we just might have to kiss.

Illyria: I will fight. I've been broken and humiliated. I will return in kind every blow, every sting. I will shred my adversaries. Pull their eyes out just enough to turn them towards their mewing, mutilated faces.
Wesley: You're a very inspirational person. Have I mentioned that?

Illyria: Try not to die. You are not unpleasant to my eyes.

Host: Just remember, keep your heads down. Xenophobia kind of a watchword where I'm from.
Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I think she's kinda fly.
Wesley: Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.
Gunn: Oh. Then can we pretend I didn't just say that?

Wesley: Hmm. You know that sinking feeling you sometimes get the morning after? It arrived early.

Cordelia: Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity?
Doyle: I don't see Angel putting on tights ... Oh, now I do and it's really disturbing.

Cordy: If Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, I think it should be called pretty skanky woman.

Wesley: You know, back in my days as a Rogue Demon Hunter I once used that very spear to pin down what I thought was a small Rhodentius demon... of course the poodle's owners weren't very happy....

Cordelia: Voila! That's French for 'I think we stopped the bleeding'.
Fred: Thanks, Cordelia.
Cordelia: Next up: Multiple stab wounds. Angel!
Angel: Oooh! It's my turn!
Cordelia: What a dork.

Lindsey: If you want me on your team Angel, I'm on your team.
Angel: I want you, Lindsey.
[He pauses and they exchange a look.]
Angel: I'm thinking about rephrasing that.
Lindsey: Would you? I'd be more comfortable.

Angel: Well, it - it's, you know. The whole visibility issue, not to mention the hat head thing. You know, when you really think about it, how come I have to wear the ladies' helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.

Gunn: Still not sure why blondie-ghost tagged along.
Spike: Not much choice really, is there? Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.
Wesley: Yeah. Remind me again how you ended up in the front seat.
Spike: Called shotgun, mate.
Wesley: Oh. I thought we were doing a weapons check.

Cordelia: Hey, look at me, I'm Angel!
Wesley: He doesn't generally spin that much.
Cordelia: Right, right. This is Angel: Oh, no. I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins and then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking about snapping completely, maybe on Friday

"Angel? - He's up, he's down. - He's good, he's bad. He's a barrel of dead monkeys... "
-Lindsey

"I've got 12 vampire slayers behind me and none of them has ever dated you,"
Andrew to Angel

"But she's not finished baking yet. I've got to wait 'til she's done baking. You know, 'til she finds herself, because that's the drill. Fine. I'm waiting patiently. Meanwhile The Immortal's eating cookie dough."
Angel discussing Buffy's new boyfriend

"They either have to consult with their prince or go eat a cheese monkey. Did-did I mention rusty with the lingo?"
-Lorne

Wesley: Well, Gunn, you've never been very supportive of Angel's leadership role. I seem to recall a certain shroud...
Gunn: Was one of his directives "Hire pansy ass British guy?"
Wesley: My ass is not pansy!
Cordelia: Earth to retards - you have an obsession, you pretty much squeeze it into your schedule no matter what.
Wesley: A ha! So you admit it's an obsession?
Cordelia: No! I mean, yes, but - no!
Wesley: Hypocrite!
Cordelia: Ass pansy!

ANGEL: Might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.
SPIKE: Why? Cuz you're Angel, Vamp Detective now? Ooo. I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh! Vampire ballerina!
ANGEL: I do like to work with my legs.

ANGEL: So, you and I duke it out, huh. This your big strategy for getting the ring back?
SPIKE: I had a plan.
ANGEL: You? A plan?
SPIKE: A good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out. But I got bored. All that watching, waiting. My legs started to cramp. I hate to quip. Just tell me where the damn ring is.
ANGEL: It wouldn't go with your outfit.

"My glamourous LA life. I get to make coffee and chain the boss to the bed. I've got to join a union!"
-Cordelia, "Somnabulist."

"I don't hate women. I mean, sure, you're all whores who sell yourselves for money and prestige, but men are just as bad. Maybe even worse. They're willing to throw away careers or families or even lives for what's under your skirt." -Billy
"I'm wearing pants." -Cordelia

"So you can dress like a man, talk like a man? Does that make you feel superior?" -Billy
"Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow pointed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic-shaped weapon? Not lost on me."
-Cordelia, "Billy."

Three things I don't do. Tan, date, and sing in public.
-Angel

"Angel and I have never been intimate....well, except for that once..."
-Spike

"The evil ones can't pull it off.  It gets camp."
-Lorne on demons and lamé

"I do not have puppet cancer!"
-Angel

"You're a wee little puppet man!"
-Spike

If I'm going up against Devac, I need better back-up then CP3O and Stick Figure Barbie.
- Gunn

"That's when I became rogue demon hunter."
"You're a demon hunter."
"A *rogue* demon hunter." -- Wesley and Angel

Doyle? He drank too much, and his taste in clothing was like a Greek tragedy. And he could be really sweet sometimes. -- Cordelia

"I'm a rogue demon hunter."
"Wow... what's a rogue demon?" -- Wesleyand Cordelia

"Are you alright, Wesley?"
"No, these pants tend to chafe my... legs." -- Cordelia and Wesley

"How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing?"
"No need, little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad ass vampire. But love (and a pesky curse) defanged me. And now, I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair, never the hair."
"Oh, there must be someway I can... show my appreciation."
"No! Helping those in need's my job. And, working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough."
"I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so..."
"<gasp> Say no more! Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy boy hair gel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel mobile. Away!"
- Spike, using a damsel in distress and handsome hero voice

You have a few surprises coming your way: the Ring of Amarra, a visit from our old pal Spike, and, oh yeah, your gruesome, horrible death.
- Spike

I don't think Oz appreciated being called Bam-Bam all night.
- Cordelia

I wouldn't be comfortable if the floor was lined with mink
- Cordelia

He's the bloody king of torture. People, demons, politicians, it doesn't matter.
- Spike

Do you two need to be alone, or can we get to the ouchies?
- Spike

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