Anonymous
(in other words, if you tell anybody I said this, I'll deny it!)

"It starts with you dancing naked..."
-Dr. Anonymous

"___ was arrested at Regina International Airport wearing nothing but a London Fog and Phantom Menace Underoos...."
-Dr. Anonymous

"I have a foot fetish of long standing..."
-a bunny-snf inducing comment

Anonymous at the paper: "Remember there is no 'I' in team, but there are two in 'I will quit' and alot more in 'I will fucking kill you!'"

Anonymous in Winnipeg: I'm making T-shirts for all of us; they'll say "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Anonymous in Winnipeg: Are you fucking crazy?
Anonymous in Winnipeg 2: Nope, fucked her last month. This month I'm fucking Completely Insane.

Anonymoose in Winnipeg: Look, it's Festiny DaWhore!  (Okay that's not so funny but we all Screamed with delight!)

Anonymous in Winnipeg: China and I were gonna get a room at the Fort Garry Hotel for the evening, but it turns out somebody else stole Yada's credit card before we could and got a room.

Anonymous in Winnipeg: Here's the deal. I'll keep him away from the VLT's, you keep her out of the dumpster.

Anonymous in Winnipeg: "He's one felony away from a crown in Calgary."




"It's okay, they made up at recess."



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 And he's on Top Gear in another week! AAAAHHH!! I am so excited--it's going to be awful--Jeremy will mock him about his motorcycle and tease him about being naked in everything, and he'll look a right goof in the helmet in the car and .... oh, I think I'll faint before he gets around the first corner!

The morning flight was still full--they thought they might get her in on standby-so she'll be here at 2:30 today. Just time to eat and watch some Cumberbatch before going to the theater to eat and watch some Cumberbatch!

I needs me a poseable Pilot!Sherlock action figure with the two-tiered Baker St. playset--preferably with removeable jeans
A deaf woman was honking out an approximation of her name and signing same and then a dapper blonde man grasped both her hands, effectively muting her, and grinned "I'm Canadian, eh?" he said in a clear Australian accent. "This is bad," said Gatiss
(thoughts on how Mark Gatiss taught Steve Thompson to write)

Or, as we call it around here, the Angel Walk--first captured by Joss Whedon in Angel, where your heroes all strut with glorious purpose in slow motion--bonus points if one of 'em is in a cape or long coat.

Oh, Sherlock Awesomepants, don't ever change!!

I so need a t-shirt that says: Moriarty is the new Krycek.

 I managed to suffer through Atonement for Ben, I figure I can handle anything!

You try to find a nice Dean/Cas snogfest, and this is the sort of thing you stumble over: "...Kissing was normally just foreplay to him—just the beginning to a better goal that most of the time resulted in he and some nameless girl loosing their close...."...I'd love to loose my close with Benedict sometime.

I try hard not to think about the potential of ginger pubes. 'Cos past experience (there was a drag queen, silver PVC trousers and a ginger going commando--don't ask) has proven that where there's ginger pubes, there's bubble-gum pink naughty bits as well, and it's a scientific fact that you can't giggle and give a blowjob at the same time (again, don't ask).
 

And hey, I think Ben said in an interview that Bowie is one of his go-to guys for Karaoke, so it's not that far of a stretch at all. And maybe it'll be a pic like Velvet Goldmine--don't know if you saw that one, but Ewan McGregor totally got his kit off for that one, and, well, let's just say Obi Wan packs one hell of a lightsaber....Oh, I am a very naughty person!
-on BC doing a Bowie bio-pic

"Somedays I swear, if the summary doesn't say "Sherlock cries and then John pets his hair", I'm totally oblivious."

All the Arrow and Supernatural and H50 and now White Collar's back--if I do meet Ben in England clearly my lower half will just explode and I will die....

"I don't care if I get hit by a bus--you drag me by the ankles to that fucking room! I'm gonna bleed out on the fuckin' carpet and puke on the fuckin' couch!"

"I lent her that outfit. Yeah, I was just wearing it around the house, eating yogurt, you know...."

"Do my house next!"

"That was a full body shudder because she repels me."

"Cash it quick!"

Yeah, that's right, I want to marry a man who apologizes to me for getting pneumonia!!!

"Best troubleshooting calls are the ones where "just press the power button" makes you look like a genius: You're right, Evelyn, that was easy and I am wonderful!

He's so adorable I need to go off in a corner and die from the adorableness now....Oh, wait, I can't die yet--what if a vid shows up of him singing KARAOKE!
Tongue--lolling
Grin--stuck
Ovaries--'sploded
or, as MarieLikestoDraw et al like to say: ALL the FEEEEEEEEEEEEELS!
on Ben C's taste in music

Sherlock:"...Am I wrong?"
Henry: "Not wrong, and also, I just came in my pants."
Sherlock: "That's fine; so did John."
John: "Oi!"
an anonymous rewrite of that scene in Hounds

Now the script on the other hand, is a whole other kettle of fish (and in 221B, you can bet the kettle was full of fish at some point...) I knew there was something up with "Uncle Bob" as soon as he said "cell number"!

Like we don't notice EVERYTHING--we totally Sherlock Sherlock!

"Punch me in the face" is the new "I love you"

He's the adorable that kittens and puppies and babies dressed as kittens and puppies strive to be!

"Joelle says you have your Benny/Sherlock voice down pat! And apparently Showerfresh!John is one of her favorite action figures!
(to Jason, on his rewrite of Sherlock Series 2)

Here's me with all of my friends--and there's Daniel...with none! (claps with glee!)

You know what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? THE HOLOCAUST!

Oh, jeez, you know he's a talker! "Oh, wow wow wow! Oh, my little crumpet, that's f**king fantastic!"
(on Benedict Cumberbatch having sex)

"She's like a Peter Pan hooker--third stall on the left and str8 until morning!"

Coming this fall from NBC: Zombie Housekeeper!

"Aw, look at Yada, all 'I can haz cheezburger now'."

"Yes, Dion, it's a hint!"

ANONYMOUS TITLE HOLDER #4:  Wow, how much is Mitchell bringing the sexy back?
ANONYMOUS TITLE HOLDER #6:  Not as much as Mercedez

"Move over a little. You need to stand in front of me so he doesn't see me insulting him because he's buying me a drink right now."

Anderson Cooper is definitely on the guest list of my A-Gay party (you know, the one where Mark and Ian are making out on the couch, John's trying on my shoes while Scott smiles indulgently, and the Neal Patrick Harrises are showing their latest baby pics to the Matt Bomers).Yeah, Ben gets to be there, too, just cos he's so awesome he can be an A-Gay w/out actually being gay.


I want that to replace THX now! At the start of every movie in the theater, instead of the squealing THX sound logo, we just get Ben, preferably naked, whispering "Sexeh Surround Sound---You Know You Want It."

Apparently a pokey British motoring show is a perfect vehicle for tentacle sex. I know, I know, I'm at a loss for words as well.

"I won't foist my H/C shmoopiness on you if you keep your Joanie Love Sherlocky Tentacle!Zombie! wizards with mutant powers, high school musical, ancient Roman pirates femslash away from me. Deal?"

After filming, both Ben and Martin will be heading to New Zealand to save Peter Jackson's little indy film--what was it called again? Oh yeah, Dragons and the Little Men who Love Them....

Ah, the good old days! I just want to tell all them young whippersnappers that when I was their age, nobody's abs were computer enhanced, women could be smart even when not wearing a bathing suit, and the guys who loved each other never actually said it. Don't believe me? Compare Hawaii Five-0 episode 20 to XF Redux II. We had to work for our UST, dammit!

Just ignore me. I'm totally not standing over here doing a little pee pee dance of joy and impatience!

God knows I love my men like I love my wallpaper--pasty and in my bedroom!

John: "How many consulting detectives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Lestrade: "How many?"
John: "Just one to hold the lightbulb while the world revolves around him."
Lestrade: "Hee-hee."
Sherlock: "Shut up!"
-making up a joke for a fellow Sherlock fan

"I suspect the bike is less about the 'hog-riding badboy' for Benedict. More likely he just looks at it as 'reducing his carbon footprint' and when he's not on his bike he probably walks or takes the tube to get to all those 'sponsor the arts/cure cancer/save the puppies' rallies he goes to. . .damn his all pervading perfect adorableness!"

He is just beyond words at this point. I am expecting after he does Sherlock that he'll win the Oscar for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and then he'll go on to cure all major diseases, discover life on another planet (and probably shag it!) and open a home for orphans and puppies in Buckingham Palace after the Queen knights him....

"It's like a smorgasbord of datelessness!"

"Oh, look! It's a drag king doing an emo song! My heart!"

No sending Ben to Christchurch! You know him--he's the uber-caring about humanity, humble, forgetting his own limitations (pneumonia on the set of Sherlock, Ben? Really?) guy and you know he'd be all "Gotta put the public school persona behind me and help humanity!" and then there'd be a puppy in a building somewhere and he'd try to rescue it and the building would collapse and the rescue workers would be too far away to get to him but the Hobbit would be filming just next door (in the house not effected by the quake) and Martin would hear his weak cries for help and the puppy whimpering and would have to leap into action ala BAMF Watson, armed with just a shock blanket and a bottle of water, and when he found Ben.... Wait, let's work on raising money for that plane ticket to Christchurch for him....

In other news, I feel that BC needs to win all the acting awards in the world, ever....
(after seeing Frankenstein w/Benedict Cumberbatch)

Yeah, there's been reams of paper wasted--uh, that is, there's been many an essay written on the whole "creating life w/out women" aspect of Frankenstein. along with all the "Is man God" and "Pride will be man's downfall" and yada yada yada....but honestly, dude learned to talk from reading "Paradise Lost"? Epic fail, Mary Shelley, epic fail....

I've given up my filters for Lent.

I'm going to vacation in Iceswisseden, land of chocolate covered race car drivers and the occasional volcano.

I'd take death by wolf before the cure for rabies!

And what kind of name is Mekhi? It sounds like spaghatta nadle introducing the maus at Dahsnaland!
on Torchwood casting, with a little help from http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

One of those little street kids was following us and we stopped for a smoke out front of a bank where my friend Teri had a meeting. We had already said no to this kid like five times. So she comes up to me.
I pulled my purse out of the way, kinda half turned and said "look kid, what part of get lost don't you understand. We have nothing for you" As she walked away she patted the little sport pocked on the back of my pants. I whipped around, nearly clocked her with my purse and said "kid, Im too fat to reach back there, what makes you think I'd put any damned money in there?"

Cornell's having problems with his projector and blame is being passed around like Orlando Bloom at the "Pirates" after party....

BeyondTV here is showing Supernatural season five every night at ten and every morning at 4 am.  When they’re not showing Buffy or XFiles, or, god help us, a terrifyingly sick show called the Estate of Panic! Did you ever see The Running Man (Schwarzenegger/Richard Dawson)—we are on our way, my friends…

And White Collar OMG!!! Imagine the shirt and tie FBIness of XF Fox and Walter with the touchy feelyness of The Sentinel. I’m sure if either Peter or Neal spoke a line of Welsh the Philippines would be destroyed by my head exploding!

Teach Jezza to drive a car and spout witty metaphors and I might take you up on it. I can always fold his ears myself....
(when friends try to give you cats...)

Excelsior Tundraquester...If it's not on the name list, it oughta be!

I can't even begin to imagine the horror of trying to get my fat ass into a veyron….

If you're rehearsing tonight, J, your lovely wife is more than welcome to come by for coffee. Or you could bring Whitney by.... hee hee, I slay me (it's the Buckley's talking, I swear....) ps, what the heck is ladies polio, and how do I get it?

I built my vacuum yesterday, but the online porn got neglected in favor of laundry…

Really, all it's missing is a Jack/Ianto snogging in the corner and Jezza setting the bar on fire.
 (on Jason's itinerary for the evening)

Your quote of the day....Brought to you buy your friends at the insurance company: "Equilibrated Dentures are made on a more precise measurement of the occlusion on sophisticated articulator…." I think I speak for the room when I say "Huh?"

"She's got cameltoe!"

"Oi, ___'s cameltoe is historic--it must be the look this weekend!"

"Yes, but remember, you're working with an idiot--these things happen."

"I know about horsepower now...and torque--although I don't actually know what torque is..."

I heard it was 16 years ago today that XF premiered... remember the days before twitter, facebook and iphone apps? When we got to use irc and aimchat to nitpick the inaccuracies of the Jersey Devil Legend, talk about the simmering MSR or the UST of a man and his boss, not to mention the whole Lone Gunmen marry, shag or throw off a cliff debate?

"Boy, did you pick the wrong fucking day, sister!"
-to a phone solicitor on August 20

I am half having a wonderful time, half slashing my wrists from homesickness. Not sure who’ll win, although wonderful did find some krispy kreme donuts at Krogers today. Unfortunately half-slash saw the new TW trailer…

The history may be dodgy, but the slash is undeniable
-on Merlin

Also, Torchwood radio plays tomorrow, don’t forget, and the scary dyke in my class had the cannibal episode on her ipod today….life is weird. Oh, and also, baking snickerdoodles tonight for another trainer’s class. I just like saying it. Go on, say it one time for yourself. Sniiiickerdooooodle….(“with more passion, Dave….”)  Did I mention the hot supervisor in the wheelchair yet?

 I said to heck with it—life’s too short and I’ll be home watching TW with my mates in a week and a day, and thus, Why So Serious Thursday was born. I’m just mocking everyone, laughing at my own jokes, speaking in Welsh occasionally, and as soon as they are done this test, I’m making everyone dance to the Hokey Pokey….Clearly Decatur has destroyed me.

What utterly broke my heart (because I get why Ianto had to die) was how it happened. This is Ianto Jones, people. The guy who stole a whole village people outfit including hat when he stole that tractor, the guy who found a pterydactyl to woo Jack Harkness with, who built a cyberconversion/life support system in his basement for fun. The guy who built a big damned gun for his boyfriend to shoot shapeshifters at weddings with. The guy who knows everything. And this guy sees a scary alien in a tank of POISON vapours and doesn’t think a gas mask might be prudent while he and his boyfriend shoot at it with guns that he knows won’t work?
-on CoE Day Four

Happy Birthday Whtiney? Kidding, kidding, it looks great!

Where was I when the Huxtable party was going on? Jeez, I miss everything!
::eyes Andrea's Rudy costume jealously::

Remember those key words, boys "Life's too short!" Oh, and also, "Blink, and you're dead."

Andrea, you must watch more Joss stuff. He and Russell Davies will be having babies soon, and they are going to take over the world, so you need to be prepared!

Hey, 1/4 year in a foreign country cannot negate years of brain sharing.

"You're not eating your cake? I'll wrassle ya for it!"

Tell Mitchell he almost got a free trip to the Philippines this morning. Don't tell him it was because we were going to swap him out for my friend Anthony, who ordered my breakfast for me and insisted on getting up to get my water himself (also, he's cute and gay and can sing)

In hindsight, I'm lucky threatening to kill them all in their sleep didn't get me thrown in "weird Filipino prison" as Whit would say.

Yeah, well on a scale of 1 to lame, people here are pretty dumb too.

"They must feel like Rosa Parks back there."

Yeah, it can always be worse…life’s too short….success comes in ‘cans’…yada yada blah blah blah

I asked the Doctor to pick you guys up in the Tardis, but I think he got lost…

Yeah, I had heard about the submit questions thing—but figured sending in a “Dear Eve, if anyone takes a bullet this series, it better be you and not Gareth” wouldn’t win me any friends.

So Wendy, our site director, just bailed, sent a goodbye note and is off to another site. Delaine and Darcy have been cleaning out the training rooms. I was told I could clear out my shit when I got back and I’m getting nervous now. If things progress there may come a day in the next three weeks when I have to ask you guys to do a startek run to pick up my shit. I’m going to remain optimistic, but dammit, my Mr Potato Head is still living there along with my SW version of LIFE. I’ll keep you guys posted.

 "Okay, Mitchell, in one of these bags is a fabulous Armani tie, and in the other bag...."

"Don't mock my horse or I really will give it to your husband for his birthday!"

"I'll tell him you love it!"

"thanks for making me seem less crazy..."
when Whitney explains Sentinel dolls to co-workers...

Well, yeah, good, no beaches death for the sprog, but let’s wait and see what else they decide to screen for before breaking out the bubbly….
-on genetically manipulating a baby not to have cancer

Yeah, but keep the gene that makes you love show tunes…
(on Jason getting genetic manipulation)

We’ll save the celebratory birthday balut for you when we get home, cos nothin’ says happy annual aging ceremony like a duck fetus….
-on Jason's birthday

Yes, we are the redheaded stepchildren of Star Tek...

"...email is working and I can watch dvds and there' s free coffee in the lobby 24/7, so I am a happy faghag..."

"Just tell him it's apartment six, and I'll take care of the rest..."

I have a picture of the invisible lift in front of me so that when my brain is broken by things like Mike Exner or needing a smoke so bad I could cry, I just ride down it and watch for the pterydactyls…

Ah, we wallowed in the angst that is Longtime Companion—you know, tons of hot guys and the women who love them, and then they all die, the end....

"Oh my God, Anne! I found your car!"
(looking up Bianca's dress)

"I had to go on facebook to find out when hospitality was tomorrow."

"Holy averted disaster--I almost wore the exact same thing!"
(on Robyn's barely there Cher costume)

I’ll keep my fanfic out of real life if you keep the real life out of my fanfic…

I Want To Believe. OMG!!! The movie was brilliant! And never mind the awkward attempts at 'ship. They were my Mulder and my Scully, the big queen and the alternative lifestyle companion, and they fucking rocked. But beyond that, when they said Beacon In The Night, they weren't kidding. Nobody does it like that big bald beautiful man, and he totally swept in and saved the day! You can't ask for more! Phwoar!!! I need to see it again... Oh, no, no new episode of the week. Saw the movie again and it's still fucking amazing! Everything I could have asked for and more! I might try for one more showing before it disappears this weekend. "Skinner, cold..." Jesus wept...Okay, know what? The movie is still making me crazy in the best way. It is so good I don't have words, although I keep saying that and I still keep writing about it. Go see it now before it gets away. Fuck the Dark Knight--fuck him right in the ear!

"Did you say little futon cougars?"

I dunno what the ladies wanna do, but maybe we can all do it together. Uh, I mean...no, I guess there really is no way to wipe that visual from my brain....

"I've been trying to mock that girl's hair all night. Finally, I decided on 'hey, did you notice the Paris Hilton hooker only owns one hot roller?'"

"Don't mind the cat; she likes to watch."
(on lesbian sex)

"I officially lost my shit in the middle of Chapters tonight."

"I think I blacked out a little."

"OMG, was Chris Carter watching The Sentinel?"

"If you're going to theater ten, third row up, yeah, don't sit in the middle seat."

"You do not want to have this conversation with me right now."

"If I don't win, I'm taking the dabber home, slappin' a condom on it, and I win anyway!"

"Sorry, I got some of my hate on you."

"You guys are supposed to be all nice and running interference for me while I hate."

"I'll give you a dollar if you go ask Daniel if he wants to take the pancakes home."

"He's a ninja with a stealth butt."
(see Red Lobster for details)

"I can't believe you're mocking the homosexual with your lobster bib on and your big ol' girly drink!"

"Look at that str8 couple--she's saying "honey, what's a faghag?""

"I needz to print mah porn."
(would that be LOLslashCats?)

I have about 75 cents and one ticket to Indiana Jones to my name until midnight, so maybe not.

"Well, she did a line of coke and he did two lines of asshole and it's not mixing well."

"Everything tastes like burnt toast and epilepsy."
(now that's a bad cold!)

"And by 'I have one', I mean 'I'm going to sneak in the back way so I don't have to pay'--palliative care has enough couches."

"I can haz brunch ticket?"

Where's the fun in one page in a program when you can be jaded and bitter for hundreds of kb?

"If he starts saying things like "I can haz timtams?", I'm sending him back to school!"

"Don't be sorry, buy me something."

"I want my own flock of mini-mees!"
(jealous of Todd)

"I can't imagine seven weeks in a state that can't pronounce its own name."

"It's like having asthma, only my asthma makes me want to kill you."
(explaining a nicotine inhaler)

I want a t-shirt that says “for the love of Peter Petrelli…”

"Don't eat her!"
-yelled from anonymous in the audience when Yada was introducing Elypsis...

Okay, so plan for Tuesday, and just let me know how you want to do it...uh, er...yeah.

"It's the other little death."--on Jason sneezing

"There was carrot in there, wasn't there?"--more sneezing commentary

"She's all 'I can't play mini golf' and 'I'm no good at this' and then she totally snaked us!"

"Oh, it's fine when it's fan fiction, but in real life? EW! I expect butterfly kisses and all that eyelash rubbing any minute now!"

"Instead of the Kia of Judgement, we're in the Soccer Mom Van of Wrath!"

"Kricket says I didn't get kicked out; I chose to leave."

"I am way too agorophobic to be here, and this room is so not fat-friendly!"

"Best 50/50 draw ever--we keep all the money!"

"If I went home crying every time a gay man was mean to me, I'd never leave the house in the first place."

"Tylenol in French is pronounced 'Kokanee'."

"The emeror has been delayed!"

"It's the KIA of Judgement!"

"Watch out for that one, Abbie, she's a squirter!"
-on Chyna White

"They're the hydrocephalic timbits"
-on the crueller flavoured ones

What are you going to do, troubleshoot her phone? (to Brian)

"Can I help you sound out the big words?"
(catching the Emperor reading)

IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD!

"Fat; it's the new Disability "
-on 1/2 price tickets to Sea World

"What can I say, I got a little excited!"
-when Garett claimed he was attacked

"It's the Speedy Racer Scooter of Peril!"

"I want to put him in my purse and take him to parties!"

WHITNEY: It always wierds me out when he comes as a girl.
ANONYMOUS: What? with the moaning and the crying instead of the shooting and the squirting?

"Do not lie to me--it's a jungle theme, I got elephant memory!"

"Why are you not people writing this down?"

"Thanks for playing my song again so I could learn the fucking words!"

"Thank you. THANK YOU! Thank you <whispers> Thank you for bartending"
(for Leeland)

"Okay, it's been two days--how did I get home Saturday night?"

Well, I don't know if I'd be any good at the orgy thing. Actually, I'd be excellent at it, as long as I could keep my clothes on and nobody actually touched me.

It would be a night of rock paper scissors...Best 35 out of 71?
When Tops Collide

"If Todd and Starbuck's Daniel had a baby, it would be Wes."

DORIAN: I'm a White (named after Chyna)
ANONYMOUS: Well, there goes her figure...and then she's gonna borrow a wig from Yada.

I'm too Mulder to be away from my hole in the basement for long, though.

Hitting high C while explaining why you just gotta have a transformer, now that's whining.

"We don't say 'old', we say 'ready for a committed relationship."

"You can stickle my accuracy anyday, honey!"

"That's right, Jordyn; we took parts out of just your copy of the bill, just to confuse you."

"I feel like he thinks I'm going to drown him in a fountain!"
(sometimes we laff cos it's funny...)

"I'm going to make photocopies...as opposed to dog-fucking, like the rest of you."

You've seen through my clever "X-Files? What's that?" ruse!

"I hate str8 bars and I hate str8 people and I hate lesbians...there is nobody left for me to date!"

"Do I have a show order yet? Let me see...yeah, you're first!"

"Please stick this pen in my eye!"

"I can't reach anything, and I'm too old to lift anything--guess I'm just here for moral support."
-decorating for the show

"The Princess is going home now."
(what happens if she ever gets uppity!)

"Lake Okobogee is not only home to several species of plant and animal life; not just a pleasant fishing spot for campers and outdoorsmen. The lake provides one of the last natural ecosystems for the common bullfrog, is home to several species of alligator, and even claims to be the resting place of the plesisaur, a marine creature long thought to be extinct. The plesisaur can measure up to 40 feet in length, and lives exclusively on a diet of fresh water salmon and pomeranians...The More You Know..."

"An Assistant Director for the FBI not only has to run budget meetings and schedule assignments for special agents, he also needs to be in great shape, have shoulders just right for supporting his partner, and he needs to look great in tighty whities. All part of his duties for the FBI....The More You Know..."

"He tipped us and everything! Crazy bastard! Go Pickles, it's your birthday!"

"You've used 'tantamount' and 'unseemly' in conversation today....you big queen!"

JASON: I don't know what dark part of my brain responds to that (on skank)
ANONYMOUS: The part that envied Xander's funny syphyllis?

"If I gave WTT <my last name> to everyone who sucked his dick, I'd have the biggest family in the known world.

"You look so much more naked without the leather...."
-to Mitchell

"It's in case the Prince forgets he's a fag."
-on the girly Prince crown

JASON: 'Cos nothing ruins sex like a diabetic coma.
ANONYMOUS: Maybe for you!

MICK: Just thinking about those flailing arms, and the sound that only comes from sliding thirty two metres on butter soaked linoleum.
ANONYMOUS:Oh, so you were there the day I made the shortbread...
MICK: It was on Youtube the next day.
ANONYMOUS: I hope you added me to your Favorites.

MICK: How were the goldfish? (talking about crackers)
ANONYMOUS: Very well behaved--didn't bother any of the company...(NOT talking about crackers)

"Chin....A....Wide...."

"If I get Donna's name I could be Mike Hunt-Hurtz Duyawanna Lickit!"

"I'm from the Hampton Hunts...my parents were in the back seat of that plane in Hyannisport....Dick and Anne adopted me."

"They can spend more on food now, but they're way less organized."

JOE: I couldn't get a cab for love nor money.
ANONYMOUS: And believe me, she was offering both!

"Sometimes I just have to pull out the Tylex and the rubber gloves....oh wait, the princess is the one dating ___, not me!"
-on cleaning the bathroom

"Aw, that was my ultimate outfit for Gospel Brunch"
on Makayla's leather ensemble

"Smack him! then bandage him! then you have the sex. That's the way it works."

"I'm gonna get her in SO much trouble..."
filling in the missing cell phone scene in 'Foreign Exchange'

"'cos that bedroom coin toss NEVER gets old..."
-on Derrick and Dorian

"Oh, is she here? No? Okay, I have to tell you, she's the total bottom in that relationship....but don't tell her I told you!"
-drunk and hosting, never a good combination

"I really like the guy, but I don't know whether I want to waste a buck on the seeing eye dog."

"I changed my mind."
-greeting the 16th monarchs

"I think I'm going to go home and fill the bathtub with hot water, and this new vanilla almond bubble bath I got, and bake a pan of brownies, then get in there and cry and eat--yum yum..."

"If he buys you two drinks, then you can come for brunch tomorrow....uh, I mean, I hope you can get to know him as a person..."

"Oh, it's just more homo-drama, I'm sure."
not all that funny, but it made coffee come out of Kricket's nose...

KRICKET: I just dumped the two tequila shots into the Rev and drank it all at once.
ANONYMOUS: Now THAT'S thinking outside the box!

ANDREA: I can't get my fucking printer/copier/scanner to TURN OFF!
ANONYMOUS: try smoking, bad breath or being a man who won't commit....

"Y'know what would look good on you? A doberman."

"Oh, look, they're like breasts....only smaller."

"He sounds like he should be working at the exhibition--c'mon Chad, ask us if we want to go faster!"

"Tell him you need to do it to get picked up for next season. No one's going to watch "the Mickadile Hunter" if each episode starts with "Now, watch as we come 'round the coffee pod from downwind so 'e don't hear us comin'"

"At least he's just dating this one and not trying to put him on the board of directors...."

"TERRIS?!?"
(the things you miss on a Friday night)

"It's so hard to tell if you're black...or drunk!"
-to Toddy, on his Foxy impression

"Write it down....but only in English!"

"Oh no, I fear I've been poisioned by the infamous typing lap cat of Southern California--is there anyone who can save me from this dastardly fate?"

"It would be sad if Sunday brunch wound up being an Egg McMuffin in the back of Andrea's van."

"It's only funny 'cos he looks so much like Parker Posey."
-on someone walking down the street while Dor sings the Pepsi song

"No comment...don't get me wrong, this is not my living room--there's plenty of judging here, just no commenting!"

"He's sad--oh, not because he's an asshole, just because of that jacket."

"Oh, gee, is she still expressing all the love in her heart for her fellow man through song?"

"I was gonna wear my booty shorts too, but I didn't want her to look bad."--on Kricket's Daisy Dukes

"She's the fat sister."--on Kricket

CHYNA: Nothing scarier than hearing Urethra in the back room at Happenings screaming "Oh yeah! Fuck my face!"
ANONYMOUS: Especially since she was by herself.

"Note to self--if there's a space between the top of  your jeans and the bottom of your shirt that looks like a Pilsbury doughboy daisy chain, find different pants...."

BUTTERS: I'll kick you.
ANONYMOUS: ooh, terrifying.
(later)
BUTTERS: I'll hit you.
ANONYMOUS: I charge extra for that.
(still later)
BUTTERS: Did I scare you?
ANONYMOUS: You could never scare me, little boy....

TROY: It gets higher, believe me.
ANONYMOUS: His voice, or his tuck?

"I know you shaved your pussy and spirit gummed it to your chin, sweetie, but it's actually all about the Dutchess. Bye bye now."

"Yeah, I'm more "Diamonds Are Forever" than "dry hump some chick to an emo song with unintelligible lyrics" myself. But I'm old."

CHAD: You want to talk butch? Know what I did last weekend? I got together with an old friend who was on the highschool football team, and we played video games!"
ANONYMOUS: That's not butch, that's sad.

"I can't flash my chest--my knees get too cold!"

"I'm the only drag queen in the room--buy me a drink!"

"Remember the rule--if you stop and your arms don't--don't go sleeveless!"

"CODA--Codependents Anonymous. I'm co-dependent. You didn't notice? Are you kidding? I've only been practically dry humping your leg for a month!"
-ah, romance!

"Quick, email Sabrina!"
-Phil gets his own page

"Introduce him to Dave; they can start a support group."
-meeting Brett

JOE: No grenadine tickle?
ANONYMOUS: Nope, it's like a reacharound; you don't get that til the second date.

"Anastasia! Get me a drink and you can have seven percent and a complimentary reacharound!"

"Brokeback Mountain--come for the crying gay cowboys, stay for the postcards from Lake Louise!"

"Mick could eat a box of Bic pens and puke a better script!"

"He read my whole story, and didn't have to sound out the big words or anything!"

"I was thinking of you today. You know how you said the X-Files has a really big dick? Well, I decided that The Sentinel doesn't have a bigger dick than the X-Files; just a really amazing tongue!"

"Good thing I didn't use the 'let's cuddle' line on ya,then."

"I didn't ask Graham to sleep with me, did I?"

"Hey Kricket there are three of you!"

"Well Mulder and Scully can have one too then !"
(after being given two singles and told there was a double under the bar)

GRAHAM: (holding out beer bottle) Hit me really hard with this.
ANONYMOUS: Will you cry?
GRAHAM: I have no more tears
ANONYMOUS: Well, then, it's hardly worth my effort, is it?

"The first rule of brunch club: Don't talk about the brunch club!"

"I'd introduce you, but I have to find out his name, first."

"It takes ten minutes to fill each square of the waffle with chocolate, but it's so worth it!"

"Blair, is that a doily in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me."
-channeling the Sentinel; trust me, you don't want to know

Louise is febreezing the Elaine off my couch.

TROY: I have lists: People I talk to and People I don't talk to.
ANONYMOUS: Did you notice that the People I don't talk to list and the People I've slept with list are exactly the same?

"At this point it doesn't matter, cos if they don't show up, we're not paying for them, and good luck selling a dress in my size, honey."

"I said I was nervous, so my Emperor took me upstairs with a handful of lemons and a 2-6 of Southern and then I wasn't so nervous anymore."

"I won't be humping your leg, though."

"This is the part where they bring out the pig's blood."
(commentary on the crowning ceremony)

AVAUGHNA: I'm pure and innocent.
MICHELE: Your pure and innocent story ended when you hiked up your dress for Mike's birthday hug!

"...and I think I've got bug guts in my eyelashes!"
(making Shane perform an SNF!)

"Well, at least they start with the same letter."
(helping Yada convince Tony that drinking vodka is the same as taking vitamins)

"You know what I think? I think that late at night, when the kids are sleeping, she throws him face down in the Barco-lounger, ties him down, and spanks his ass til he cries like a little baby. Now enjoy that visual every time you see him for the next month!"

BRIAN: So how was Sunday for ya?
ANONYMOUS: Shitty. I hated everyone.
BRIAN: Really? I couldn't tell.
ANONYMOUS: Guess I should have hit you.

"Everyone totally exceeded my disappointment today."

"Nine--noon, tomato--tomahto."

"I can't find any compassion or kindness for anyone, not even my friends, so it's best I just stay back here for now."

"And TAP!"
-making Brian shoot beer out his nose during Da-Ling's number

"I love that Fred taught all his hookers to tip."

"If I was like someone from I Dream Of Jeannie, I would get you your phone yesterday, sir, I assure you."
-bad call center representative

"I have no opinion on ___ at all....but I do want to burn down her house."

"Dude, don't give her all that power--just add her to my house-burning list."

"It's like she filled ___full of helium!"
-green is an ugly colour

My pick up line should be "Hi, want to go out sometime" not "Hi, do you think you're boyfriend will mind if I lick that scar?"
(more from What Not To Look For In The Perfect Man)

"Oh, look, it's Vanilla <double scoop> Ice!"
-on a bad haircut

"It's not that his package is so big, it's that fat leash wrapped around it just makes it look that way!"

"I haven't managed to cull "gay, damaged and cries on cue" off of my 'what I'm looking for in a man' list."

"You can always tell the members of the decade house--they're the ones grazing at the buffet!"

"Ben and Jerry's Half Baked is damn near a religious experience! It's a good thing it's so expensive, or I swear, I'd be stuck in my bathtub crying for Richard Simmons!"

"I never says "super size me!" in fast food restaurants, only in clothing stores"

"Take your Hep C and get out!"

"So you probably don't remember the sex, either."

"Well, and believe me when I say you will never hear this from me again, nor frankly will anyone else, feel free to spew at me anytime."

"Pre-op Britney scares me, daddy!"

"Well, I'm much sexier in hip waders than in rubber boots."

"Look at me, snorting coffee out my nose dressed in nothing but hip waders and a smile--I don't understand why I'm still single!"

MITCH: Speaking of blind, legless, sniffing wonders....
ANONYMOUS: Oh, I've heard of those--called tapeworms, aren't they?
MITCH: No! Tapeworms don't sniff. She's a leech!
ANONYMOUS: Oh yeah. Wrong parasite, right family. One sucks on your intestines, the other one sucks on your wallet.

TARA: I'm feeling suppressed!
ANONYMOUS: It's the duct tape.

"Hmm, describe him in one sentence? Okay: We have a budget of five hundred dollars, I spent two thousand dollars, and look--I got glitter."

"I am SO going home!"

"It's like a fruit roll up only with no redeeming social value whatsoever!"
-on 'rainbow belt' candy

"Okay, so your voicemail is all programmed and ready to go....would you like fries with that?"
-on call center drive thrus (really!)

"There are so many people here that I get to mock through film!"

"Sorry, multitasking: you know, drinking, bleeding, it's hard to pay attention to you."

ANONYMOUS: Have some shooters.
CHAD: I'm not drinking.
ANONYMOUS: Then buy me some shooters.
CHAD: I'm not going downstairs. (to get them)
ANONYMOUS: Then just give me money.

MICK: Everyone should go to London once.
ANONYMOUS: But not at the same time--hard to get a hotel room then

"There are three things you can see from space with the naked eye--the 911 site, Trixie Pan Am's box, and that man's 'gay'!"

"I know I should be cleaning, cos everywhere I put my hands is sticky....but I think I'll just wash my hands instead."

"It'll be Tuesday and that stunned cow will still be looking for her four dollars!"

"Sean can dress as Quincy the Quality Quail, and Vern can sing a song about cold transfers."
(helping at work)

"No, no. Special needs! That's special Deedz!"

"Go drop a ring in some lava!"
(when gay men start looking like hobbits, it's time to go home)

"...it's been eight years since I had some stranger's DNA inserted into me."

"You said, 'I'll do you just to shut you up' but I heard 'I'll do you just to stretch you out'!"
(Alma, check your battery!)

"I'm just saying it properly, there, Jethro, now shut up and let's program some voicemail"
-on the Canadian accent

"I'm Gary Coleman, from tv's Different Strokes...'

"Oh, right, lady. You can't afford indoor plumbing, let alone a lawyer."

"Answer the nice. Be phone."

"Why does it matter? Are you peeing in the sink?"
(when lesbians complain about drag queens in the bathroom)

"From now on, no wings behind my bar unless I'm having my period."

"Touch my orb...TOUCH IT! Now stroke it like you mean it!"
-crowning the prince and princess

"And best of all, you both have the same moustache!"
comparing Yada to Schmoo

"How am I supposed to dry hump your leg if all I get is your answering machine?"

"That's it! Sean McCann definitely has to be playing the bodhran while he fucks me."

"I wouldn't kick him out of bed unless I was going to fuck him on the floor."

"It all boils down to this: they're twelve, they crave the attention."

"I made a drink come out of Thom's nose when I started doing my hair during Simone's special effects."

"I don't know if anyone's enjoying this number, but I do know it's going to rain for a week now."

"Oh, I remember this! This was one of the Farewell tours where Cher wore the blonde wig and her mother's housedress!"
(on a tough drag number)

"Is that Wenda's purse?"
(When Crystal pulled a sandwich out of her purse)

MITCHELL: Are there any trans-fats in there? (on dessert)
ANONYMOUS: No, but there are plenty of them sitting around the table.

"Touch my orb! Touch it! Oh yeah, my orb is full for you!"
(a serious moment during crowning)

"I love you, you fuck!"
(rewriting XF dialogue)

"Oh, good, stupid and badly dressed--two great tastes that taste like hell together."

"Cos there's no undressed category."
-on voting Mitchell worst dressed

SHANE: Ben keeps harrassing me, but I don't really care.
ANONYMOUS: Now you sound just like one of his dates.

"I like them better when they're pregnant--they don't come here so much."

"Probably a couple of twenties stuck together; either that, or I just can't do math at 3:30 in the morning--who knew?"

"You used to be all cute and fuckable. Now? Not so much."

"That's how I get out of bed every day."

"Hi, Mom; yeah, get off the pole, I got a date comin' over..."
(see previous point )

"See, that's why I love you. It's the fish-smacks..."

"The only thing stupider than the str8 men are the lesbians--is it any wonder I don't date? What's left?"

TROY: It's none of your business
ANONYMOUS: It's all my business; I just sit at home and wait for the phone calls to come in.
(on gossip)

"Don't mind me. I'll be right over here...single...with a working vagina...while you feel up the drag queen..."

"I don't get jealous because I'm just that fabulous."

ANGIE: I like Sex On The Beach (the shooter)
ANONYMOUS: I like sex in a bed (not the shooter) but I'm picky that way

"Nothing makes me hotter than when a woman's trucker cap matches her t-shirt!"

"Well, the Tiki room was pretty terrifying."

DONALD: (stocking the bar) How are your juices?
ANONYMOUS BARTENDER: Flowing for you.

SHANE: Is he going to be sucking dick soon?
ANONYMOUS: Yeah, mine!

MITCH: She hates me, you know.
ANONYMOUS: Don't feel too special, hon, I hate everyone right now.

"Oh yeah, imagine dating him--'hang on honey, I just need 30 beers to get in the mood."

"I can't talk to you right now, I'm feeling just a little too mean spirited."

CAM: Is it raining?
ANONYMOUS: Little bit
TROY: No.
ANONYMOUS: And by 'little bit', I meant 'no'.

"I always knew you were a lesbian--you just tried to fool us with all that body hair and tipping."

THOMAS: I just remembered I have an extra special doorknob.
ANONYMOUS: Of course you do...and he pays the other half of the rent.

"Nah, I'm not going to see Mel Gibson's new film--I know how it ends."

"Who, ___? Oh, no she doesn't work here, she just manages the place."

"Even if that wasn't the price, I'd charge him that just 'cos of that hair."

ANNE: I'm going to close my legs now.
ANONYMOUS: That oughta warm things up in here.

"I'm sorry, but you're all just too morally reprehensible to be sitting there."
(customer service)

"And the best part, Pete, is when he cums, he's gonna call you Curt!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe my vagina trumps his three couches."
(playing 'seduce the straight guy')

"Anything fluffy and pink that is *not* your date should be avoided."

"Put your hand in the cage with....Trixie!"
-ad for Queer Factor

TIM: I passed out around four.
ANONYMOUS: And did what? Just set up a turnstile and said 'have at 'er'?

WENDA: I'm a very delicate flower
ANONYMOUS: Delicate in that 'there's a buffet in my purse' way!

ANONYMOUS BARTENDER: Did you want a glass?
DONALD: (shaking head) I'm being butch. Can't you tell?
ANONYMOUS BARTENDER: No. Absolutely not.

"Could you make a note for Tipsy to explain Tricking?"
-after just one drink....

"What are ya--Amish?"
-on wearing a doily on your dick

"You can't go there! They'll make you eat a live chicken or something!"

"All that was missing from our relationship was a toe-tag and a time of death...."

"He's going to be stroking off to this moment for at least a year."

"I can't smile and ovulate at the same time!"

"You'd get drunk too, if you'd just tricked with ___"

"Well, it's a good thing you don't wear the cats very often, then."
-on someone who beats his clothes before putting them on

"D is for damaged!!"

"It'll be just like Sea World, only without the smell."
-on  Nunsense

"Okay, where's the faghag with the car?"
-on getting home from Nunsense

MARLON: There's a lot of faghags this year.
ANONYMOUS: I know. They heard I'm pushing 40 and they're circling like vultures

"I have defied the laws of birthday cake gravity!"

ANONYMOUS: Tell it to the war guys.
JASON: War guys?
ANONYMOUS: Um...soldiers! That's the word I was looking for!

"Broad, your box is hanging out of your pants!"
-yelled, without results, at a drunken customer

"Oh, Rob, what a cute dog--oh look, he's sleeping--let's go."
-on blowing into a Pomeranian's face...

THOMAS: My hair blew back
ANONYMOUS: The rest of him blew ___ and that's why he moved in.

"I thought you were talking about that guy, and I thought "baby fat? Oh, no, that fat's all growed up."

DAVE: Has Derrick fallen off anything yet?
ANONYMOUS: Just Donald...

"Oh, now the party can really start. Here comes ___ and his twat."

"Sometimes we laugh cos it's funny, sometimes we laugh cos we're mean and she looks like a shrunken head; I expect to see her round a cannibal's neck any minute now."

"I am a hag in search of a fag..."

"Show it...shooooow iiiiiittttt...."
-what happens when you watch a violent documentary nicotine free

"Two spirits, one brain cell..."

"It's a woman. I know the word on the tip of your tongue is sad, but the word you want is woman."
-on girls in wigs

"...yeesh, a warm sentiment ruined by a slippery finger..."
-sounds way dirtier than mispelling 'alone', doesn't it?

DEEDZ: Nothing escapes the vortex.
ANONYMOUS: Did you say 'whore-tex'?

"Oh, no thanks, I think I'll wait another seven years..."
(size matters)

MARLON: She can spell her name, that's more than I expected.
ANONYMOUS: I don't think it's a question of spelling as much as memorization...after all, they all have the same last name.

SHMOO: I'm a mountain lion!
ANONYMOUS: Yeah, if you're mountin', I'm lyin': "You're the best!"

"I'm moving to Nunavit, cos you can run for Empress of Regina from anywhere!"

DONALD: My eyes are still tearing up from last night
(talking about eyeliner)
ANONYMOUS: It's okay, honey, it's only for a year!
(talking about Roxy's reign)

"It's a never ending blur of smelly drag queens and money..."

"Hell, even I've done Whitney once!"
-on singing along to Whitney Houston, I swear!

"We didn't say it was going to be a good molestation!"

"If they want more than a tasteful trim, they're doing it themselves!"

"Forty-five minutes of shaving and spreading..."

"Oh my God, my mother and Eva Braun had a love child!"

"I feel like a new man! No seriously, bring me a new man, I want to give this baby a test drive!"

"Croquet is a cruel cruel sport."

"Oh, shooter boy...."

"Wow, I didn't know faghags came in 'ho flavor now."

"Eat hot death!"

"You can't blow kisses when you're ducking fists."

BARKLEY: Thats what my dad always told me when I was younger....... I blame my over abundant homosexuality on him
ANONYMOUS: *L* I blame your abundant homosexuality on your penchance for sucking dick...

"Until I can manage to get to a place where I don't call out my own name when I cum, it's best that I just take notes."

THOMAS: I always buy two bavarian sausages-smokies-and we eat 'em raw.
BARKLEY: We were supposed to eat 'em?
ANONYMOUS: Are you still wearing yours?

"I'm having a smoke cos I want stir fry."

WHITNEY: It all starts with three stem cells.
ANONYMOUS: And if you catch it quick, you can cure cancer before you have to feed it

"If ___ dances around ___ one more time, it's going to rain!"

"Someone wants to keep their lube frosty..."

"I see we've reached the not-making-sense portion of the talent show."

"Mikosity--the speed of mikishness at which you travel...lapin physics."

"Is it wrong that I find him hot with that black eye?"

"I'm running for Empress. Somebody has to."

"Dick, Dick, Dick...okay, now that I've got Trixie's attention..."

"Oh, look, it's Sinead O'Crazy."

BARKLEY: Oh, look, he can do the splits standing up.
ANONYMOUS: Yeah, I can still smell it.

"Where can I learn to dance like that?"

BARKLEY: Shirt, 300dollars, pants, 200dollars, penis, 1000dollars a night...
ANONYMOUS: Yeah, but only two of those have been cleaned by the Salvation Army and sold for five bucks.

"Warning! Not only will this virus immediately slash all the names in your spell checker automatically, it will also find ways to make your C drive cry, then instantly create a SURLY program to comfort it-this becomes an endless loop which will surely interfere with and/or destroy any PWPbunnies that happen to be hopping by hoping to be written, and the only known cure is to force your C drive to accept a program called RAT, which will then restore your C drive, although it may not function as well without constant input from the RAT program. (obviously a new definition of benign that we haven't heard before)"

"mwah!  7 hours later, I'm out of drag, my feet are sore, my purse is sticky from vanilla schnapps, there are rubber lizards in my crown, and I'm in my jammies with one last drink, counting down the hours 'til Jump The Shark..."

"Brad's brother Chad...is sad."
-a poem

"I think I broke my prostate."

"He looks like Skipp, but less evolved. He's neanderskipp!"

"Is it sad that one of my greatest joys in life is your cat's lack of traction?"

"I'm a sucker for an eyepatch."

"You're scarring me."
-to Binky while he was eating a cream filled dessert.

"What's the difference between young people and old people? Depends on the old people."

"You know it's bad when you're talking to ___ at the bar cos he's the sanest person in the room...and he says he's frightened!"

"The first rule of Kitty band--no blowing the kitty!"

EVERYONE AT BRUNCH: You're eating too slow (to Jason)
ANONYMOUS: You'll notice that Whitney's voice was not in there at all.

"Okay, the dragon pud discussion is over now."

"Men are like a fine wine.  They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with."

"No funny til I get a pen!"

"Two bottoms trying to figure out where to plug it in..."
to which Trixie replied, "I better get in there."

"Nothing says I love you like a wobble and a wince."
-wishing Valentine's Day was that fun at my house

"You have to be a special kind of stupid to..."
fill in the blank yourself, we all know one!

"Oh, yeah, did I not mention that I sell tickets to that event? It's no Olympics, but the closing ceremony fireworks are pretty spectacular!"
-forcing a blueberry bagel out of a friend's nose

"Cute kid. Who's the father?"
-the ultimate question for David Duchovny

"The cat will squirt out of your hands when you try to fuck it."
-responding to Sean's cat/butter dilemma

"This one time, in underworld band camp..."
-during the big musical scene in Enterprise

"In an alternate universe, ___ and ___ would be in a high school where ___ was taller than all the boys, and ___ was a closet lesbian."

"It's only four steps down, how much could it hurt?"
(going to hell)

"Does that happen to everything you touch?"
-asking the girlfriend, who makes doctor Pepper explode in her lap

"In honour of the man, I intend to drink a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (very carefully), free my white mice,  wave goodbye to the dolphins, and then spend the next few hours trying to fly..."
 -tribute to Douglas Adams

"You know the party's over when Trixie puts the seat back up."
-it really is all about rack and pinion steering

"Lick his teeth."
-a dare that could have been really funny

"Think about it: Pam, or chocolate. Now look around this room and tell me which one these people would rather eat."

"Pwang!"
-explaining what a fake nail sounds like when you try to stab someone with it, and it pops off instead...okay, maybe it was funnier without an explanation

"Not only am I going to rock your world, I'm going to end it."
-you had your chance, Phil

"You need bigger fingers..."
-in response to Pinky's tranny-humour intercourse

"Me, smiling with my friends on a Saturday night is tasteful; me, dry-humping the television alone on Sunday night, is not."

"Positive thinking is the only thing keeping you from sitting on the roof naked with a deer rifle."

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge,  I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the  bottom to catch them."

  "Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say.  Best friends listen to what  you don't say."

"Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day,someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring."

"The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does."

<>"If you are eating cheese off of your fingernails, you really should try to date a better class of men."
-more words of wisdom for a certain sketchy Princess from the south end   

ANONYMOUS TRAINER TWO: I ain't been fired yet and I've done everything but pole dance on Wendy's desk!
ANONYMOUS TRAINER THREE: Only because she hasn't installed a sound system yet. But the minute you hear "Super Freak" coming from that office, I know you'll be in there...
ANONYMOUS TRAINER TWO: In there in a heartbeat. Wearing my special "training" t-shirt and a StarTek thong! I start my strippercise exercises tomorrow
ANONYMOUS TRAINER THREE: Thank you.Now, do you have any CLR? I have to scrub my brain...
ANONYMOUS TRAINER TWO: Sorry, just used it all on my own damn brain--got a shot of Wendy waving dollar bills and hollering!
ANONYMOUS TRAINER THREE: That Wendy, she's a party in a box!
ANONYMOUS TRAINER TWO: No comment about her or her box. This is work you know.

ANONYMOUS TRAINER ONE: You should get a t-shirt and on the front it would say "Hi, my name is ___ , and on the back it would say "And I will be your trainer".
ANONYMOUS TRAINER TWO: And on the inside it will say "If you can read this, it must be week two".

ANONYMOUS TRAINER THREE: Front: $250. Back: "Kim love you long time!"
ANONYMOUS TRAINER TWO: Can we have _____'s face somewhere on there as well?
ANONYMOUS TRAINER THREE: Inside--the label can have his name and something tasteful...
ANONYMOUS TRAINER TWO: I'm thinking with kissy lips on the lower portion of the back so that when its untucked he hangs over your ass.

ANONYMOUS TRAINER: It's like the difference between eating a new born and eating an abortion.


 
 
 

home/back/quotes