BEAUDRY'S
BEST
(aka
a live MIKE)
"Hey can you bring back that mail order bride I bought....I'm too cheap to pay for the shipping...wow its been a couple years...I wonder if they've been feeding her"
"Everybody poops....but not as much as Ryan"
"I found the only fucking right hand turning lane in Jonesboro ...somebody take a picture"
"Hey call Jon and get him to tell Leader that the freaking speedometer is in MPH and that he's actually doing about 160 KPH"
Christina: "How do they handle
commitments
down here"
Mike B: "Not very well, have you seen
the divorce ratio"
"We heard a crash and went to the bathroom and found the bottom of
the
tank on the toilet broken and Ryan's standing in the water in stunned
silence
looking like he was staring at a hooker he had just killed"
retelling the story about the night Ryan broke his hotel toilet
"First we get the money, then we get the power, then we get the
Mustangs...screw
the women"
on the fact that everyone in Jonesboro drives mustangs
Jonesboro Sup: "I just got out of the
daily
sup training"
Mike B: "They actually have training for
sups"
Jonesboro Sup: "What your sups don't get
training"
Mike B:
"No, we are just handed a team
with some logins and told good luck...and maybe after a week someone
might
start showing us what to do"
Jaymie from Cornwall : "Two reps one
phone"
Mike B: "That was a gross video"
"I'm playing with your zipper 'cos it's sexy..."
(to Ryan in ABAY)
"She's like Gwen only not as dirty..."
"My lustre is lacking..."
(I've never heard it put that way before...)
"I totally did NOT kill that guy! I am not a rep-killer!"
Random Rep: “Hey Mike how did you get
to
your position so fast?”
Mike: “Its all about perception.”
Random Rep: “Perception?...how does that
help”
Mike: “Well if you use enough big
technical
words and put them into a sentence enough times that it confuses people
they will get the perception that you are very smart and know what your
doing…which will then earn you a promotion and raise based on that
perception…when
in actuality you aren’t even smart enough to pump gas.
Pam and Jen are trying to figure out how to advise a supervisor
that
the customer they are dealing with isn’t located at an address that we
will send a phone to:
Mike: “Tell him that we just don’t send phones to every outhouse in
Buttfuck Arkansas”
"I'm going to file an IMC to add an F to IMC and make it IMFC for "I Might Fuckin' Care!""
"What do you mean, 'now be funny'? You can't rush greatness...you wouldn't go up to Van Gogh and say, 'Paint a masterpiece, you earless moron!'"
"It's like screwing a sleep number bed....contours to your whole body!"--Mike B.
"Rez with no boundaries..."-Mike B.
"In the morning when I get up, I piss greatness and shit bricks of determination."--Mike B.
"Jim's like the Incredible Hulk: "JIM ANGRY! JIM MAKE IMC ISSUE! GRRR!"--Mike B.
"I'm waiting for Vodka day!"
-Mike B., on what recognition day means to him
"I could be Jim's bitch."--Mike B.
"C'mon, classify me! I wanna get cards made!"--Mike B.
"I'm free-range rez."--Mike B. (on moving as far as the headset will allow)
MIKE B.:“What the hell is that noise…Oh
it’s the radio on Darcy’s Cell phone…Darcy how come you didn’t tell us
it was you? I was looking around listening to peoples desks.”
DARCY: “I wanted to make you paranoid
and think that it was the voices in your head”
MIKE B.: “Oh the voices in my head speak
with a Spanish accent so I knew it wasn’t them”
BLAIR: What's a 'failed commitment'?
(trying to understand Clarify)
MIKE B.: Every one of my relationships.
(not talking about Clarify)
DEB: Do you feel special, Mike?
LAURENCE: Hockey helmet special, maybe.
MIKE: More like Laurence drunk special.