BLACK ADDER
The sound of hoofbeats cross the glade,
Good folk, lock up your son and daughter,
Beware the deadly flashing blade,
Unless, you want to end up shorter,
Black Adder!
Black Adder!
He rides a pitch-black steed,
Black Adder!
Black Adder!
He's very bad indeed,
Black, his gloves of finest mole,
Black, his codpiece made of metal,
His horse is blacker than his vole,
His pot is blacker than his kettle,
Black Adder!
Black Adder!
With many a cunning plan,
Black Adder!
Black Adder!
You horrid little man!
Written & Performed By: Howard Goodall
* * *
EB : Edmund Blackadder
B : Baldric
G : George
_________________________________________
"Cold is God's sign to burn more Catholics"
-EB
"They do say, Mrs M., that verbal insults hurt
more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover...when
I stick this toasting fork in your head."
- EB
I can't see the point in the theatre. All that
sex and violence. I get enough of that at home. Apart from the sex, of
course.
-B
G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what
do we do ?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump
200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
EB: "What is your name, boy ?"
Boy(Kate): "Kate."
EB: "Kate, that's an unusual name for a boy."
Boy(Kate): "It's short for ... Bob."
"I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell!"
- EB
"Baldric, that is the worst plan since Abe Lincoln
said to his wife, I'm sick of sitting around the house, let's catch a show"
- EB
"This will be the greatest moment in art
since Mona Lisa walked into the studio and said, I'm feeling a little odd
today."
- EB to G and B
"We're in a sticky situation all right. This is
the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick insect got caught on a sticky
bun."
- EB
Hag: "Two things you must know about the wise
woman. First...she is a woman. Second...she is..."
EB: "Wise?"
Hag: "Oh! You know her then?"
EB: "No, just a stab in the dark, which is what
you'll be getting in a minute if you don't become more helpful."
EB: "Have you ever been to Wales, Baldrick?"
B: "No, but I've often thought I'd like to."
EB:"Well don't, it's a ghastly place. Huge gangs
of tough sinewy men roam the valleys terrifying people with their close
harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to
pronounce the placenames. Never ask for directions in Wales Baldrick, you'll
be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight."
Baldrick, you wouldn't recognize a subtle plan
if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing 'subtle
plans are here again'.
- EB
"Now I want to make it absolutely clear that I
am in no way interested in the contents of your tights."
–EB
"Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?"
-G
"If I'm mean and nasty then my desendants will
rule the universe, but if I'm not I'll end up wearing Baldricks posing
pouch"
-EB