Sheet
Soup For Your Upndown Soul
(aka funny things
Sheldon said)
"...all i can say is if i trip and hit the window in my cubicle
chest-first,
i'm doomed. Rock breaks sissors, paper covers rock, nipples cut glass."
"...buy cow print pumps for anne. refer to her on a mic at a show as "moo-shoe pork".
"I'm not fat, I'm a better canvas for chocolate body paint."
"Bust a move? My move's already busted."
"Yes, I'm subtle. I'm subtle in that "Hi, I'm subtle" way. More like subtle in that "Hi, nice to meet you, see this bulge, you'll be sitting on it and screaming 'fuck me like the tanzinian jungle princess I am' in half an hour" kinda way."
"...it's that kind and gentle you get when you use a garden weasel to wipe your ass."
"I can run faster scared than you can vapor locked to that stool."
"mmm, greasy prison sex. Pardon me while I grab my tighty whities and practice squealing like a pig."
"that quote's mine and I take full credit, as ashamed of it as I should be."
"It was more than sheet soup...even more than sheet stew. it was
more
like a full range, eat all you want, drowning in lube, dear god yes yes
yes, start with soup, but don't forget the meat, love that dessert bar,
sheet buffet."
(describing
a date, we hope)
"I didn't realize the secretions had made her couch sentient, however."
"see this division here? you guys over there throw like girls, and I
don't... i'm gonna get beat up by the bike racks after work, aren't
i?"
"Honey, you're more nelly than Furtado!"
"I've seen less swish in a Maytag!"
"Enter your credit card number now for the additional 'Bob touches himself' option."
"It's my city, and that over foundationed
doughgirl
can stay the fuck out!"
now working
for Calgary Travel and Tourism
"He drives me absolutely bug-fuck."
"You are getting on my one last good gay nerve!"
"Of course. You look totally fetching. In that Rover sorta way"