Boris Tateerz says:

"I think I broke Mitchell."

later:
"I think I broke Mitchell so bad he went home."

"I wanna talk to the one in the middle!"
(pointing at lone bartender)

"I'm just a leeeeetle too drunk to remember that."

"I've got to go stupid now before I do something home."

"Stay pretty, send booze."

NEAL: Every idiot puts on a hat and thinks he's a cowboy. (On the Calgary Stampede)
BORIS: Oh, we have those too--have you seen Donald?

BORIS: You're playing with my fat
KRICKET: Fine, I'll play with Gerrard's fat.
BORIS: See you in a few hours.

"it's a sad day when a gay man's too drunk to dance to Cher!"

"Never underestimate the power of Trixie's thighs!"

"So I turn around, and suddenly everyone is drunk!"

"It's a Trixie Free Zone!"

"Booze, booze, booze-booze, booze-booze-booze booze, booze...booze."

"We were just discussing the disturbing lack of Platinum Blonde tonight.:

"Look--I have my own beer and my own lighter!"
-see Sketchquotes....

"If I throw wood during this number, does that make me a lesbian?"

"What's with the old crow...and why is she holding that stick?"
-on Anne's scepter

MICHELE: But every time I get up on stage, I think, 'They're going to think I'm a freak and stone me to death!'
BORIS: I feel the same way at Christmas dinner.

BORIS: This drink is doin' my hair--whoo!
ANDREA: Who needs up-dos when you have booze?
BORIS: who needs anything when you have booze?

"I have to iron everything? Why ca't I be straight? This wouldn't matter!"

"A moment on the lips...and then I'm Shane!"

"That was so moving I need a cigarette...to stick in my eye!"

JASON: The first one [beer] made my face hot
BORIS: That's good, cos my thighs are cold!

"Floor-licking will begin precisely at 9pm on Wednesday at OHanlons.  In case of carpeted floors, please remember to bring your Honourary Lesbian  badge."

"I just sketch -- the Speed Divas are a team effort... you, me, and Trixie.. and vodka... lots and lots of vodka... vodka is such a team player!Like the peppiest little cheerleader in high school... who gave all the football players head behind the bleachers... that's vodka."

"Here's my underwear it's edible go!"
-yes, it is all one word...

"It might be intriguing for the first couple of inches, but..."
-on beer bottle sex...

BORIS: Give me those pants, woman
WHITNEY: They'd fall off you!
BORIS: Or pull off of you

"They called her Trixie West Jet, 'cos she's just a little bit cheaper."

"A drag fairy's work is never done."

"Oh, that's hot--N-O-T--hot!"

"Don't you use your logic puzzles on me!"

"It won't go in my mouth if it's crooked!"

"Shut up, coffee boy!"

"Don't worry about it, I won't die--you will!"
-when Ethan didn't buy him coffee in Medicine Hat

"And by loving, she means spiteful!"
-about Trixie

"I am thoroughly enjoying my new toy!"
-birthday gift, really!

"Dionne Warwick left that part out of the song: For good times, for bad times, for sticking a spoon in my head, that's what friends are for!"

"I'm going home. Why don't you drop by later, sailor?"
-ah, roleplay...

"Select a fine whiskey.  Drink.  A hallucination will appear -- choose another bottle (you should have many more).  At the bottom, after all the alcohol is gone, will be your answer."
-providing tech support for the Goddess

"Your Karma ran over my Dogma."

"See ya, sailor!"
-saying good night to the straight guy

"I'm paying out."
(losing more quarters than a slot machine--for the rest of this conversation, check out Barkley Speak!)

"It's a tapestry...I mean a tragedy...I mean 'kill me'"

"I'm gonna go cry now...I'll be in the bedroom with a box of Kleenex."

"Boyfriend out of country--no talk of dancing pants!"

"He never believes me!"
-on sharing the bed

"We're not losing a sister, we're gaining a Whitney!"
-crying at that wedding

"Let me get this straight--it's a gay man, pretending to be a woman, singing like a lesbian...I bet he doesn't tip for the rest of the night!"
-on Anne Whatsittoya's Melissa Etheridge drag

BORIS: You're the gayest straight man ever!
ED: The only way I'd be more gay is if I'd chosen tap, as opposed to it being a required course.
BORIS: No, the only way you could be more gay is if you sucked dick!

"There's nothing you can't do with a glue gun and an air stapler."

"I'm going to Trixie's where we are going to have a cocktail and congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Then we're going to go do the job."

"You're the king-if this was chess and the king was just 'this' big."
-to Ed

"Gotta get the ball of twine, gotta get the ball of twine, gotta-hey, that's my tail."
-doing his cat imitation...maybe

"Some day we'll have a conversation that doesn't have the X-Files in it."
-performing an intervention

"You know the party's over when Trixie puts her pants back on."
-just making an observation

"We lose more princesses that way..."

"You're just jealous because you're too fat to wear Versace!"
-watching the Golden Globes post-show

"Oh, look, fire."
-describing the miracle of the gods

"And cut to vase of flowers, and fade to black..."
-gay soap opera director

"FOUR DAYS!"
-a drunk birthday lament

"Retail therapy"
-finding the cure for the common cold

"Commitment ceremony?  I can't even get him to buy a dog!"
-in love
 
 
 
 
 
 

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