CONAN O'BRIEN says....
"I'm sorry. I went into whore mode for a
moment
there."
"That's our new slogan: Conan O'Brien: he's
become
a diva."
"A study in the Washington Post says
that
women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors
of that study: "Duh."
Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will
be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so
they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans.
Fish recognize a bad leader.
If life gives you lemons, make some kind of
fruity juice.
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were
going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing
things will happen.
Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism.
Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing
actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying.
Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still
haven't lost their virginity.
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on
cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'
The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go
to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like
to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no
army.
Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is
gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized
for exhaustion.
You catch you child swearing. Do you wash his mouth out with soap? Or
do you sit him down and explain that he'd better not fucking do it
again? I think you know what to do.
Have you ever had Fruity Pebbles? Once that stuff hits milk, it turns
into a narcotic!
Max:: Conan, what's your position on gay marriage?
Conan O'Brien: Well, Max, I don't really know.
Max:: What do you mean?
Conan O'Brien: I'm not sure, I have to think about it.
Max: : You don't deserve me, you bastard.