click click click Storm (thanks in mitchelese)!
OMFG!!! I came on here to wish you a belated happy birthday and instead I find the dementia has already set in, in the form of a facination with bear clown porn. Now I'm off to see if facebook has a tab in events for interventions lol. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Bacon is the food that makes all other foods worth eating.
and a "click click bloody saturnalia to you too"
It really is like the XF bedroom--only appeared after four years
So I totally ruined my new chair tonight watching the Graham Norton show on BBC. Ioan Gryffydd was on and they had him speaking welsh! Lots of welsh.
I know why your oven died. It was the angry ghost of that turkey you and Mitchell fisted for thanksgiving two years ago. Molested animal spirits linger, I'm tellin ya!
Debbie: you think you'd be willing to
walk
a couple blocks in heels? (for charity)
Dorian: hunny walk it? I could sprint
it. Is there a prize for first place....oh I'm also bringing my own
shoes
so i know they'll fit.
Lots of fire and cocktails cause that's what the wilderness is all about.
Mexican Fiesta, I'm sooo psyched! To get into theme we'll have to pay Mitchell 5 cents to clean your bathroom and then accuse him of stealing!
At some point I should really go through my drag box and see what still fits. Definitely not as slim as I was when I left. Plus I broke 2 dresses at coronation so that does not bode well 5 months later....worst case scenario, I'm stealing one of China's Mu-Mus and hiding chicken under it.
I sent you and the gang a little something in the mail on Saturday so I just wanted to give you a heads up that it's on the way. Please tell me your apartment number is 6? If not, you might want to bug your neighbour this week.. I always looked for the name on the buzzer, never the number. I was thinking of putting instructions of the back of the envelope for the mail man. Something like "Yell down the hall STORM'S DEAD" and wait for the big "GOD I HATE YOU!" reply and head to that apartment, but I wasn't sure.
"When did Whitney become all guru?"
Derrick passed out at 9pm from a Liza-esque mixture of Nyquil and Champagne.
"So, I'm working coat check and Tatiana is doing the guest book, and the wine is in coatcheck. Girl, you gonna have some drunken perogies doin' your wedding!"
"I want the big Rev bottle for my living room and I'll put dots over the "E" and say it's from IKEA."
"I'm seriously addicted to that woman's hair!"
"...as stupid as a hooker trolling the 100 m. dash at the Special Olympics!"
"I'm in love with Jew Nebraska!"
"GLORY! GLORY HOLE--A--LUJAH!"
"You don't date the help....oh, come on! Someone had to say it."
"That was after I was dancing around, pinching my nipples, shouting PICK ME, PICK ME!"
Don't worry, the hospital's only a block away...and it's free!
(bragging to CO boi)
BRIAN: I love this not drinking at
shows;
it makes them more...more...
DORIAN: Memorable?
"I ended up with 7 pieces of the stuff. Ate 5 while I was on the
dias."
-red velvet cake is good...
JASON: Lazy cabbage rolls are so
good--especially
minus the cabbage.
DORIAN: Oh My God! You're just Jason Fedor
now--you've been stripped of your chuk!
Drunk right now @ 2 am...surprise surprise...lol anyway remind me
and
I will totally be up for going....mmm garet still hot...still jump
him...please
send ball tickets to big bear!!...oive ves meer i'm all adle boodled in
the kehpeh.
Ciao bella Princepessa
Dor.l
(email and merlot do not mix...)
"I clutched in horror; it was the ultimate keigle, I'm tellin' ya!"
"I think I'm six degrees separated from Judy Garland, which is pretty good for a gay man."
MICHELE: I
really
don't want to do a number on Saturday, but the madges will be mad if I
don't.
DORIAN: It's not
the madges that will be mad, it's the other madges--the
puppet-madges!
SKETCHY WOMAN: Guess I'll be getting
water
from the toilet now.
DORIAN: Testify!
"I know how you can get into the spirit for the Mexican fiesta--clean my bathroom!"
"Bring on the nipple clips, I'm done!"
MICHELE: I could use one of those
(Lasso
of Truth)
DORIAN: That would be your living room!
GODIVA: You know what the problem is?
My
box is in the way (talking about her purse)
DORIAN: There's something that needs to
be on a button: My Box Is Problematic
MICHELE: (on Godiva's puppy)
He's
just checking out your junk--it's cos they don't have wallets. Imagine
what would happen if we didn't have wallets.
DORIAN: We'd have cell phones like
Urethra?
(cell phone, porn storage, tomato, tomahto)
"Booze is a forgiveable carb."
"If there's waffles *and* strippers, does that count as two out of town functions?"
"Mobile Chernobyl!"
-rechristening the van on a trip to Winnipeg
Mitch: I'd just like to meet a guy
that's
the polar opposite of me.
Dorian: So....a nun?
"On a clear day you really CAN see forever!"
-not talking about the movie
"Chad, I give you and your boy three months before you're an old married couple as attractive as Kim and Abbie Stretcherhoops!"
"Goddamnit! I lost my cherry...again!"
-at Milky Way with Monique, when the topping
to his sundae fell outta the cup
"If Michele and Thomas had fucked, you'd get me....a third!"
"I have a 20 and a list!"
-ordering drinks
"Yeah, Thomas can stand from now on...cos I can't!"
(To Martin)
"mmm, mmm--Buddha's going to kick your ass!"
"I am not used to fisting for quarters!"
ugh too much scotch.
-and that was just after Friday
DORIAN: It was the hotdog--the energy
level
just went down.
KIM POSSIBLE: the hotdog?
DORIAN:...I dunno...Abbie had three and
she's looking pretty spry.
KORRINE: You know you're not supposed
to
mix red bull and booze.
DORIAN: You're also not supposed to breast
feed on it. Now I've got two problems.
THOMAS: What's
that?
What does it taste like? Describe it to me.
DORIAN: Oh my God,
it's like diabetic voyeurism!
"This is getting tiring. We need to buy a used stenographer...oh, wait, no! A stenograph!"
DORIAN: I need to take you curtain
shopping.
ABBIE: Why?
DORIAN: I dunno, you just have a real
knack for window treatments.
CURT: He can't
keep
up with me on the drinking, though (talking about a friend in Ont.)
DORIAN: Every time
I try to keep up with him, I just wind up with another quote.
CHYNA: It's a full body cavity search!
DORIAN: Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit
out of this guy...oops, wrong ass.
Sign at the
club:
Butterballs:
3.25
Smiles: Free
Troy: 50.00
DORIAN: Disappointment:
Priceless
DORIAN: we may not know much about C4
but
we can cook a mean brunch lol
MICHELE: I'll wear bracelets and cook
eggs, you trash the loft and bring the monkey....
DORIAN: done! meet back at major crimes
for some golden pizza at o' 2 hundred hours...Break!!
"Just a prance through my mental museum."
"It's gangsta rap meets the big comfy couch."
-on Chad's outfit
ABBIE: This is 'listen, whore!' pose.
DORIAN: It's drunken gay yoga--from
'mountain
pose' to 'listen whore!' pose."
"Yah, I'm drunk."
"He honest-to-God *bucked*!"
"Dear McGuyver: Here's a paper clip, an elastic band and two feet of stretch velvet--please make me a drag show!"
LEELAND: What
song?
DORIAN: A Mighty
Wind; from the movie
LEELAND: Does
it smell bad?
DORIAN: No, this
isn't Abbie's mighty wind!
"Dave, don't pass me anything unless it's drinkable!"
"...before and after that I'm completely free to come over and make the noise so loud everyone in a 5 block radius will hear. "
It's the Bar's spellbook: To turn thy affection gay: 1. hole punchings from coat check. 2. A cough from a drag queen. 3. Umbrella from Michele 4. Sprinkle liberally while saying the magic word. BAM!
"Here's twenty, get me two more inches!"
(I have no idea what she's talking about!)
(singing) I got 10%, my lovely 10%...and a reach around....
Megan: Hey so how has your week been?
Dorian: Ugh its been. Hey you don't know
if Anyanka has a toll free number do you? 1-800-Vengeance-Demon or
something
like that.
"I dub them the Sandburg Stress Curls..."
MITCH: ooh, where do you get the
umbrellas
from?
DORIAN: Michele is giving them out. It's
her new gig; saves her from taking everyone out for coffee.
ABBIE: Maybe it's
the new manager.
DORIAN: Can't
be--she
didn't come in on an umbrella.
"Every song works--I was singing Handel and putting the turkey bit in..."
Mama Mia, by Dorian (sung):
Mama mia
Here I go again,
My my
Something something something!
Mama Mia
O Michele you came
again found another turkey...
(points to Curt) It was him, and me, and Curt and Kricket
"Michele, well you came and you cooked me a
turkey..."
(in the tune of Barry Manilow's Mandy, only
drunker)
"So jealous....so patchy...."
-on Curt's facial hair
"Uh huh, bye, naked Mal."
-saying goodnight
"End scene. End scene. END SCENE NOW!"
-finished drinking for the night
JUSTIN: (on
phone)
Yes, I'd like to order a pick-up.
DORIAN: Apparently
it's Trifon's Pizza and Red Light District now!
JUSTIN: Put in
under
the name Justin, but a bunch of us might be coming...
DORIAN: Holy life
story there! '...I was born in a small village in Saskatchewan with a
half
brother named Bubba. Oh, he might be coming too, so put it under Bubba
and Justin
"Oh my God, that was like a sex dream by Roman Polanski!"
"This should get me my own page, especially since it's written on a doily!"
"It's like playing house--Roman Polanski's house"
(I'm sensing a theme here)
"Give me a bottle of bourbon and half a chicken, and I'll conquer the world!"
"Its like the lost Jewish part of Handel's Messiah "Shalom Jesus!!""
"You'd be like the bulemic Hansel and Gretel. "better find our way
back
*puke!!*"
(on the cougars return trip to calgary all
hungover)
"...and then you'd realize 30 years later while doing arts and
crafts
on a night while Curt's at the club that you've become your mother and
start crying into your decopage."
playing what if Andrea married Curt
Hey lets call Ty Pennington and see if we can't get you a free
house.
commenting on Shane's new look
"Happy birthday. I made you a cake but then I
ate it while crying in the shower naked."
(no relation to Jason F.)
"Do you know the difference between you and
me?
Six beers."
(didn't anyone tell you it's not nice
to tease the str8 guys?)
"She's making me do inventory drunk--it's no
good!"