ETHAN'S FLUID EXCHANGES

"Dear Mother Nature: If you hadn't invented grapes, I wouldn't've gotten so drunk off wine. You are one twisted cunt."

"I remember drinking wine from a plastic cup and then all of a sudden it was today."

"My buddy David lost his ID. Now we call him Dav."

So... If I were to go on twitter and post a message, it would be a 'tweet' right? As of tomorrow (in the past tense), would it become a 'twat' ?

"I was gonna pay for a blowjob yesterday but then I couldn't afford it--he charged by the inch."

"Please don't tell Roxy...they're voting right now...I'll be Empress tomorrow...based on looks alone..."
Kristin' McFistin, Ethan's alter ego at Tuff Drag

"Untuck yourself, you're not foolin' no one!"
Kristin' McFistin, Ethan's alter ego at Tuff Drag

"We're not quite normal but better than special"

"Oh, she is so dead! If you're str8, you do not come to the gay bar and leave with the guy who was offering to suck my dick and his girlfriend!"
-drunk trick logic

"The next time I come to the bar, I'm not wiping!"

"It's not my problem; it's your webpage's loss."
-on a missed quote

"And I'm only wearing one sock!"
-the end of a long story

"Y'know, I didn't think I was getting drunk tonight, but I just peed in the urinal...and wiped my bum!"

"First of all your outfit's ugly, second of all you're stupid..."
-first day on the job, responding to an order for a mocachino...

"I smell bleach, or sperm, or something..."

ICKY CRUISING GUY: I so want to fuck your ass.
ETHAN: No you don't--I had chili for supper.

ETHAN: Are you coming to the house party?
MICHELE: Let me think...no.
ETHAN: Let me think...you should, and bring your pen, cos I'm going to be really funny.

ETHAN: If you've had it less than a year it should close up the first time you swallow.
ANONYMOUS: If you've had it for years, it shouldn't close.
TRIXIE: OMG! What are you talking about!?

"ARROWED!"

BORIS: I think she likes you.
ETHAN: Well, I don't blame her, but it's still weird.

"Once I have my own page, I'll stop being cute and adorable."

"Despite the attractiveness of your desperation, the answer is still 'no'."

"I know I should be disgusted, or surprised, but at this point, I'm not."
 wearing Neilpuke

ETHAN: Talk to me when you're sober, so you remember.
TRIXIE: I am sober.
ETHAN: Okay, then talk to me when I'm sober, so I remember.

CORY: Why did you dye your hair blue?
ETHAN: When you look like me, you can do anything.

"I thought I was his boyfriend, but instead I ended up being his mommy that he treats like his baby."
 talking about another bottom-of-the-food-chain date

"Why would someone pee on my leg? I don't even like warm beer!"

THOMAS: Burp!
ETHAN: (while grabbing crotch) and all this time I thought I was impotent!
(funny at the time)

"What's that? You pissed on my leg--gee can I suck your cock?"
 last Saturday night

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