"Yeah, we just ooze with culture and sophistication now... that is culture and sophistication isn't it?"
"Everybody procrastinates sooner or later... I'll do it later, I promise!"
"Am I as delicious as I am beautiful?"
"AAH! AAH!!! The peer pressure, must make myself fat and old!"
"Frig where's my Zap-O-Tron?"
"I wouldn't want to outshine Jesus or anything..."
JESSICA: I'm a girl, I play with barbies.
KAI: I'm a boy, I play with myself.
"Sometimes you just want to kill people in a blinding fit of rage, the rest of the time you want to take your time and do it methodically."
"... then you beat them to death with a puppy"
"You can't change the past, so all you can do is grope like there's no tomorrow"
"Ask your doctor about Xymex, because in a perfect world, you'd be dead."
-on advertising euthanasia pills
"I wonder if anyone else is as humble as me"
"I'd like you to meet Uncle Bert, he's found Jesus"
"On your knees biach! ... Oh, I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?"
"She's a man's man!"
"Don't hate me because I think you're beautiful"
"Yipe! My manbits!"
"Life is like a swift kick to the nuts, it's easier to deal with if you just lay down and die."
"I'm a sexy boy!"
*plays with his nipples*
"But you need to remind the boy about the old adage "write what you know"... Less writhing women, more ass-banditry"
"General poopiness abounds"
"Shoulder pork and ham
Floating through all space and time
All knowing canned pig"
-Improv Spam Haiku, and yes, yes it is sad...
very very sad...
"Now does that include enemas?"
"My mouth was made for sucking, and that's just what it's gonna do...
and one'a these days this mouth is gonna suck all over you..."
playing coy...
"...my internet is as confused as a bisexual at an orgy..."
"You mean not everyone has that wet dream involving the eels?"
"I do know I'm going to hell, now go wash your hand..."
"You'll find I'm very forgiving as long as there's no permanent physical harm."
"So I saw a 14yr old girl in an Elmo costume, it took all my will not to ask her if she'll play in a whole new way on January 9th..."
"Life is like eating raw pork, you never know how bad the indigestion will be."
"Where can I purchase my own Emily?"
"I know what this tastes like, and I don't want to know why it tastes like that"
"Nobody does anything right, except me."
"If there's one thing I support, it's little girls exploring"
-
enjoying Girl Guide cookies
"What goes fwap-whud-squish, fwap-whud-squish, fwap-whud-squish? Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough..."
"Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to take a tour of scenic alleys in Regina."
PT: Remember, there can only be one winner.
KAI:Yes, but in the mean time we can make
sure there's one LOO-SER!
"Astonishing cynicism..."
"Panty-sniffing is a perfectly legitimate way of life..."
"Need some time alone now? hehehe..."
"I find that disgusting, disturbing and I wan'it I wan'it I wan'it!!!"
"I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered by that comment"
"They're called juicy details for a reason."
"I Take It Up The Ass" by "Out of the Closet"
(is it a song, or a book, hon?)
"It must be a song, it's too hard to prance along to a book."
"Hi, I'm Kai and I'll be corrupting your morals today."
"Would've been all over you like the Exxon Valdez on baby seal pups!"
"Are you talking about me? I hear he's fabulous..."
"He'll be far too blindfolded for that!"
(talking about somebody I was craving last
week at coffee)
"Just slip it in the slot and press the right buttons."
(discovering the joys of monogamous appliances)
"Human Contact!!! *cling*"
"What's a little blood..."
"Was it really necessary for me to have to hear that?"
"Why is your hand wet?"
"Scarred for life? It's just a little thing that I do..."
"If you loved me, you'd let me blame it on you."
"If I can't have it...Can I at least get some photos?"