"Stop hitting me with your braid! I'm just drinking my beer when AHH! Braid! AHH! Braid!"
"Is it me, or are all lesbians getting smaller?"
"My hair is receding to my back. And that's where it's staying."
"DRAMA SHIELD!"
(his new superpower)
"Look, a distraction!"
"Don't be funny, she'll write it down!"
-a warning to all out of towners...
"They call 'em burning down here."
"The sausage wallet!!??"
"We need 'em hot and stretchy."
"This is a 'dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah' free zone!"
"Violence; it's the only answer."
"To keep from leaving, I'm going to have to be half-cut."
"It's only midnight. I was sure I had drank myself to one oclock."
"Lee would die, LEE WOULD DIE!"
-emphasizing Brian's Sociable rules with pounding on the table,
and causing the Princess to snort
"You can't impregnate poop."
"Ebola...."
-gets the crappy power during a stream of consciousness at brunch
"Fire? Fire!"
-working on that audition for X-Men 4
"crack is the new black this season."
BOSS: Do you need a hug?
LEELAND: A hug will only compress my anger.
"Look at me, all domestimicated n stuff..."
(helping with brunch)
"As soon as I said 'Is it cold in here?', you pulled up your pants."
"We're backing up the shallow train here."
"Its always a good night when it ends with me stuffing condoms down your leotard"
ABBIE: I plan on
being drunk, my skirts going to be over my head.
LEE: Your skirts
going to be over my head too.
"Before, I was naive; now I'm just annoyed."
ABBIE: I love it when people give you cash
at the end of the night (talking about getting tips at the door)
LEE: On your bedside table?
"Who's Grant Mitchell?"
"I'm just gonna look in the mirror and fantasize!"
"I think I had meat poisoning. I don't even know what that is, but I had that."
"And then they wrap it in bacon! Who thought of that? It's great! I'm going to do that to everything: What are you having for breakfast? Cereal....wrapped in bacon!"
"It's just meat and they slice it with swords!"
"I took 'Frantic Lesbian' in university--it's an elective for Engineering."
"A rye is awry...."
-zen bartending
"Jeez, look at this money. You've got it folded in half, folded this way, in fours, in the shape of a crane....you had time to do origami?"
ART: (to Deedz) You look good as
a lady.
LEE: She is a lady.
ART: You look like you got a little Metis
in you--
LEE: No! No, I'm not!
(When drunks attack, coming this fall to Fox)
"I don't know jewelry--I'm not fully gay yet."
"Yep, peein' like a chick tonight--whatever!"
"Whew!" <empties coffee filter> "I need
a break!"
(on the hard job of bar management)
"I like cheese and monkeys."
KRICKET: I think Tim is spinning on him
right now.
BARTENDER: Spinning, or spitting?
LEE: I don't know what kind of lube he
uses.
"Friday was a drunk and a half...no, three quarters..."
"Dressing up <to me> is not wearing a beer t-shirt."
"I got a new monkey."
"After eleven hours, I thought *I* had powers"
(on playing Final Fantasy)
I need to be drunk, up front.
"I'm in flavor country!"
"I think I caught a little bit of gay from Mitch."
"Don't worry, blood makes a good lubricant."
(I don't want to even know)
"That's terrible! Hey, is half that award mine?"
(on Shane's best comedic performance award)
LEE: Who's ___?
MICHELE: A friend
of mine in the States
LEE: Oh, so he wasn't
there last night...
(ah, the morning after the night before...)
SHANE: That's his
ex's boyfriend's ex.
LEE: Yes, I live
in a trailer park.