MICK AND JAXON:

    Fiver                         Hermione
                                          (formerly Bunzsai)

DLPB Herself

"I expect to be able to check her site by Tuesday night and see all manner of humour related goodness."--M

Standard educated donkey comment number one one nine.--M

I'm just basically one big bowl of whinge with a snarl on top.--M

I feel my masculinity crawling into a foetal position in the corner.--M

It's blue, it's ugly, and I'm probably going to give it to Susan because I promised her I'd make her 'something'. This certainly qualifies as a 'something'.--M

Tosh and Owen. Oh, noes!--M

Now...if you'd just UPDATE! Whattya doin? Waiting to talk to me so you'll have some 'worthy' quotes? Uhhuh.--M

I didn't realise they'd gotten up to finger painting and glitter glue...--M
(on my training class)

I know you're swimming upstream, towing the QEII, and fighting off crocodiles...--M

Antecedents, boyo. Antecedents.--M
(I just like the sound of it)

Regina's answer to Robin Leach, Missy Starshine (Southern kisses and cheesy poof dreams)--M

Now go home, your husband's clawing at the door is annoying everyone.--M

I think Billie Piper is just Jessica Alba with some pub chips and brains--M

Now, was it Asian dragon poop, which has an unexpected spiciness, or was it European dragon poop which tastes like dirt and witch hazel?--M
(on abscessed teeth and their aftermath...)

Whenever I have a toothache, I hold a touch of scotch on it. After a bit it either stops hurting or I don't care.--M

My week has me in a half nelson so far.--J

The Moses of the gays...forty years in the prairie.--M

Now where did I put that feather boa...--M

 It's about time you were recognised for your skills other than sleeping in a sink.--M

I never gid.--M

You can take the girl out of Tramps...but you...--M

Let me look...hmm...no, that's good, that's good...you're right, there's never a bad time for chocolate.--M

I'm the pudding guy.--J

I'll just have to say highlighterhighlighterhighlighter 'til the bomb goes off.--M

Yes, we'll take the dog walkies just as soon as we've basted this turkey in a fine dry sherry. Nothing domestic, of course. Just a dram for the cook and...oh, bugger, dropped the turkey. Banshee...cooies.--M (if Barbara Wodehouse and Julia Childe had a baby)

Sometimes i don't know how to get rid of the dangle without sounding like a stuffed shirt.--J,
-on grammar, I swear!

I was complaining about all the whingers and wankers who have been trying to complain about the film being anti liberal, anti conservative, anti black, anti gay, anti antelope, anti anne...whatever.--M

I can't type for rabbitpoop right now.--M

Okay why does it seem wrong for me to know Dorian even needs a safe word?--M

So you have to get up at half past very dark?--M
-on daylight savings time

I'll do some snoopy dance or other equally adorable and silly thing.--M

Sorry, it's the pancakes talking.--M

Welcome back to Regina.
We've really missed you, dear.
But now my glass is empty.
So shut up and buy the beer.
--Starshine Sentiments. Coming soon to a Hallmark Shop near you.
--M

Just remember...it's all fun and games 'til the flying monkeys attack.--M

You took the bleah right out of my mouth.--M

Either we just changed horses and I slipped off the saddle, or this needs to be under MR for Mick REALLY doesn't need to know...--M

___ can taste my shortbread anytime...but it's not short.--M

I have no idea why this matters except it makes me feel all smart to talk about Canada as if I know anything about it--M

A gay man working for Walmart? Doesn't that violate some ethics code?--M

You have to hear drunken sailor sung by a German Partridge Family.--M

 Totally unsympathetic character, bad science medicine, paper doll secondaries...so why do we watch? Because he's a miserable, mean hearted artiste, with no impulse control, who says and does the things that we sometimes secretly long to say and do.--M, on House

The programme itself is predictable in its formula. Person presents with weird symptoms. He has a quick and common diagnosis. Puts the patient on broad spectrum anti biotics and something hard to pronounce. Patient starts to get better. Then starts bleeding from gross places. Camera penetrates the body to look at the parasites, thrombosis or growth causing the problem. House throws his weekly fit. Pops pills. New diagnosis, something obscure. New meds. Some improvement. Patient is suddenly near death. One more final, amazing possibility, as suggested by some silly, random experience, a word on a candy label, a conversation with a child, dropping a football, miracle cure, patient goes home smiling, and everyone put their hands on their hips, shakes their heads and smile at their naughty but brilliant doctor House.--more on House from M

It's like falling off the intelligence wagon every week.--M, on Bones

 Blair titters? He is a bottom.--M

Stand back, I have a red laser dot and I'm not afraid to point it at your dinky dangler.--M

I don't believe in updates anymore.  They're just a myth.  Something from the....annals....of time.--M

Nope. Pets. Wait...we don't hang pets...we don't hang mistletoe BECAUSE of the pets. Tell PETA to back off. --M
(in response to the question "Do you hang mistletoe?")

I was overtaken by rolls of Christmas wrap and tied up in curling ribbon, my cries for help silenced by cello tape.--M

Saint Tim, the patron saint of sex on a biscuit.--M

We should be lighting candles to St. Cal O'Mine...patron saint of itchy places.--M

Somehow i don't think you could have a tasteful picture of Mitchell stuffing anything.--M

...cats are actually candivorous...--M
(click for the whole funny story!)

Not usually, but i have an occasional night where i have to get up and go several times--J,
when asked "Are you usually pessimistic

Do I look like a bleedin' Kinkos?--M

It's going to be messier than a cricket on a semi's headlamp (every pun intended) --M

How did we get from lesbians to thumping rabbits?--M

Only for special situations...like if I need to see something--J, when asked "Do you wear glasses?"

"No signal? Are you standing on your head? You're supposed to be standing on your head. Read the instructions. And your left ankle must be pointed west."--M
(auditioning for customer care)

I'd like to go with Little House on the Prairie, but those miniature butter churners are costly--M

"Oh, look, bite me."--M

"By the time we accrue enough to afford one of those condos we'll qualify to be Walmart greeters. Maybe DD will shuffle in to buy puppy chow and Depends."--J
(on going to see DD)

I'm always up for a little coffee kink.--M

The new Canadian motto. Watch out, Bush...just one tee shirt at a time.--M

He has some serious Dodger mojo.--M

"eenie meanie pepsodini bing bah boobalini!"--J

Yeah, my life's ambition is to have a skinny pink mobile. Like having Paris Hilton in my pocket. --M

Pastels, big hair, high pitched singing...and that was just the guys.--M
(on Xanadu)

It's the plumber, I'm here to install the rubber disco duck.--M

go back, go back! go back to the woods. Your runners are lousy and pitch ain't no good!--J

It would be a hell of a customs declaration...one bottom, slightly used. Gift for friend.--M
(on sending Garett Maggart through the mail)

And now back to our programme, even my odd friends want to get even...--M

I don't do fabulousness. I do keen.--M

hokum pokum mammy yokum!--J

Happy Nappy Monday to you--M

To me, Calgary IS the gay Oz. Follow the Yellow Bitch Road.--M
(Is there a str8 Oz?)

I kan spel--M

Well, he was a poodle, they don't know when they're being victimised.--M

"I wish I was in the land o' cotton...corderoy's too rough on my poor bottom...Slash away, slash away, slash away....Dixie Bell."--M

"But you're right...I *am* sweet.  If you don't believe it just ask me.  : )"--J

"Wasn't that done in Addams Family Vacation? Or was that Miss Congealed Two, Armless and Fabulous?"--M
(trying to remember the last time Thing wore a dress)

"Starbucks. Home. Starbucks. Disneyland. Starbucks. Starbucks. Starbucks. med school."--M
(planning for the future)

"Every man should have a spoon which lights up."--M
"I never pry into a person's personal dvd purchasing habits. I'm a firm believer in Don't Ask, Don't Sell."--M

"My world is small...."--J
(on bathing mice)

"And here we could have written the Canadian version of QAF. Corner Folk or Queer as Gas."--M
(on nipping drama in the bud)

"Why did I just see a water mammal come crawling up onto a dock and start barking 'Jason's great! We love him!'?"--M
(the Mick Seal of Approval)

"Where exactly do you attach the airfare?  I mean...I've seen dresses with a train, but never airfare."--M
(on being a bridesmaid)

Never take a decent cuppa for granted.  Ever.--M

Sorry your day was a bust...--M
(on the Hallmark biopsy collection)

I never realised how much fun a pooping moose could be...--M

"You just like the idea of me in a skirt."--M

"I love the plain ones and I love tart things...after all...don't I just adore you?"--M
(on Wine Gums)

"Feline Terrorists, the History of the Lijad. Next on Sixty Minutes....Cat dander, the bio-terrorist nightmare.... Probably second in command of the Yowl Qaida....Daisy's not really her name. It's probably something like Achmed Ferbahl."--M
(What started out as an innocent conversation about bringing a cat home from Taiwan, and the paperwork involved)

"There aren't enough sheep jokes in the world. Sheep shots, but not sheep jokes."--M

"Well, we are fearsome...the natural evolution from 'raptors.'Raptors...'rabbits...it's not a coincidence."--M

Actually, what happened was when the city fathers were writing up the original charter someone made a typo and referred to them as the 'city farters' and, well, the rest is history. Little known fact.
(on Chicago, the "Windy" city)--J

"Don't be impressed. Anyone with blonde hair can get into a fight in Mexico. I've got a granddaughter who could probably start a bar brawl."--M

"Are the demonic hordes up in Regina, now? Last I heard they were in Chicago."--M

"His bunnesty raised an eyebrow over my reference to his "squeaking" so I apologize and take it back. What I meant to say is that when squeezed...they squawk, you squawk..."--J

"That's me...a flashy cafaddict."--M

"Bonking is like dodgeball."
(quoting the other Scarlett)--M

"I think that's Fox's "baldie" from The Scarlet Butt Scorcher."
(on the Walter doll phemonena...)--J

It was in the revised version. They took out the racism and added stooges.--M

"I look like Harpo and think like Groucho."--M

"Beereh and Toque Mackenzie. Vote for them next Spring."
(on the Canadian Marx brother and his lover....I think you had to be there....)--M

"Me an' my brothers made a lotta money gittin them Kentucky boys to come up north and ski. We didn't have any mountains, but you put a coupla slip 'n' slides up on top of the barn and hoo dogs! those boys would squeal like pigs until they hit the haystack."--J

"You said the secret word! Congratulations. You get to talk to the duck!"--M

"...making up new colours for Binney & Smith (Bile Yellow and Where The Hell Did THAT Come From Green were my favourites)"--M

Accent...a stategically placed object that makes the room 'pop'--J

"I was no longer planning to sex up the Bible Belt."--M

"Ohio is like Saskatchewan...you can watch your dog run away for a week. But they're ambitious, those farmers. They figure if they call a place a valley, the mountains will come."--M

"And you know what they say...obsessive spelled backwards is evissesbo. Need I say more?"--J

"I'm Darth Sweeney, the one in the kilt."--M

"Change sucks unless it's rolled neatly."--M

"All part of our roto-snooter service."
(on the Goddess thanking him for the SNF)--J

"And there was never a danger of having Queen Koo...Unless it was in Hampstead."--M

"Yeah, we're not it in for the sex...it's really a secret society to watch Stoogathons without women bothering us. Lesbians are really just women who appreciate the Stooge."--M

"Women already complain that we can't get the hang of the toilet seat and toilet paper dispenser. Do you really want us loose in the loo trying to figure out wings and strings?"
 (on menstruating men...)--J

"...gambling and rivers and buttcracks. I'll let you fill it in....um...never mind..."--M

"Judge Wapner's on at seven. Definitely. Definitely Judge Wapner..."
"I'm an excellent driver. I'm not wearing any underwear. We have to go to K-Mart."
"Well, later today I will be directing traffic in full scuba gear and table tennis paddles."
"I need toothpicks for my cheese doodles."
(this is what happens when you take the bee joke too far....)--M

"...why the hell do they need wings?"--J

"I'm going to petition to have Angelina Jolie visit and declare me a disaster area."--M

"He didn't grow that beard, he married her."--M

"...bipolar? I'm not. I'm pure gay-polar"--J

"Wait...I need to scratch out that line from the home safety manual I'm writing: Fire...plastic....not good. Okay. Got it."--M

"It's not I'm anemic, I'm caffeinic."--M

"Okay, but if we read in the paper tomorrow 'sexy redhead strangled by own necklace' we're gonna say told ya so."--J

"I use my magnadoodle constantly. It's what I do. Now stop sniggering."--M

"Please, nog responsibly."--M

"...the sprogs in these tales have not had to squeeze out of any places that shouldn't be squoze or stretched on a guy...okay, I'm getting dizzy and nauseous now..."
(on mpreg stories)--J

"M is for Merry Mint Madness on Musical Mopeds, hold the Mayo."--M

"I've hoked and poked enough for now through July 27th, seven twenty three pm, 2008"--M

"I'm what? I'm pr...preg...oh shit, doc, you had me going there for a minute *chuckle*.  So what's wrong with me really? What? You're serious? (hand goes on autopilot to balls)  Hey...wait a minute...how's it going to come out?*THUD*."
(more pregnant men fun)--J

"...you've done your bit for society in the form of shortbreads. And society (well, me) is the better for it"--M

"Okay, Tori Spelling doing anything in my head is enough to get me backing away slowly. Or even quickly."--M

"Damned straight!  <horks a lugey>  I *would* like to do your hair and stay up talking about boys, though."
(on being butch)--J

"I'm sorry, sir...how do you spell that? With a c or a k? Is it Lithuanian?"
(wondering how c**t is really spelled)--M

"beeeeep boooop..."--M

"Our Jick and Max disguises never seemed to fool anyone."--J

"Cats are the biggest and most beautiful beings in the universe. Honest. Just ask 'em."--M

"I'm in need of a widdle wuvvin."--M

'"I'll get the paddle and the lube!"--J

"Weather and Los Angeles have that hate hate relationship of a newlywed man and his mother in law. Come in, come in, my wife will be happy to see you...want a coffee? Yawn...is that time? Sorry you can't stay."--M

"Shortbread, PRN"--M

"How about peanut butter/miracle whip/pickle/cheese/lettuce/salt&pepper on wheat bread sandwiches?"
 (so *not* cooking at my house *L*)--J

"We're the fab phantoms."--M

"Wait, let's have the phone shoved up her bum so she can make calls and vent her spleen at the same time."
(learning customer care)--M

"Spam with PB/Miracle Whip/lettuce/pickles/cheese/salt&pepper? Blasphemy! Ptooey!"
(connoiseur)--J

"Xhing Xe Yi. The name of the actress in Squatting Tigers, Hidden Wires."--M

"Don't break your neck trying to get stuff in the mail (pleasedo!) because I don't want you (yesyesyes) stressed over it or feeling (pleeeeeeeeease) rushed."
(subtle)--M

".'wait...i'm not asleep...hey! i'm not asleep! I'M NOT ASLE...Zzzzz...'"
 (prepped for surgery)--J

"Ummm...do you really want commando associated with something chocolatey?"
(on shooters and lesbians sans panties--you really had to be there...)--M

"She needs a tee shirt that says Perrary"
(on tipping)--M

"Who are all these people? And where are my clothes?"
 (coming to in the chatroom)--J

"It's a store full of all the things we survive without 'til we know they exist."
(on Brookstone)--M

"You plains people are very strange."--M

"We're a hard workin' and hard lovin' breed."
 (and the credo of the Calinadians)--J

"Ahhh, my girl...she understands me needs."--M

"You know the heighth of my ambition is to own my own Hoops and Yoyo."
(sounds dirtier than it is)--M

"Just remember...those two earnest looking fellows in the ties who ride up on little bicycles could be us."--J

"Samurai Lapin and his mighty monkey pod spoon will smite you."--M

"I reached for the nearest thing I could find...a big wooden spoon from a monkeypod bowl on top of the microwave, and I was battering the mini flames on the counter."
(say it out loud, you'll giggle--monkeypod...hehheh)--M

"A clueless Mulder is so delicious."
 (the Goddess agrees!)--J

"It's the rabbit! I've come to fix the sink."--M

"Do you realise my whole legacy is going to be a collection of weird comments like that?"
(on stainless steel)--M

"I thought mahjong was a board game."--J

"Oh, hey, I'm willing to be spanked for India and the war of 1812, but Spice Girls are too much."--M

"No dogs, cats, bears, monkeys or marmosets were harmed in the making of this questionnaire.  One rabbit got a little sticky."--M

"If anyone is de-anythinged it will be me."--J

"Oh, no...those are manpants, my friend."
 (on Walter Skinner Underoos)--M

"Well, anyone who uses the word Heliotrope needs to become a hamburger"
 (on vegan restaurants)--M

"Is my font bigger than everyone else's in your box?"--J

"He's got the elephants and kanagaroosiesroosies in His hands."--M

"You have to have a rubber duck for your birthday."--M

"I don't know how to make it smaller."--J

"What appears like a messy smear of paint to us, is part of a Monet."--M

"Yeah, we're getting himmicanes"
 (on living on the other coast)--M

"He's getting high on drinking coffee through the Tim Tams."
(it sounds dirtier than it is)--J

"I'm working at Star Tek but what I really want to do is direct."--M

"Hmmm...clever and original...hmmm...let me get out my Clever and Original for Dummies book."--M

"Cheetos--the heart attack that goes crunch!"--J

"It's a sort of mystical relationship isn't it, a woman and her purse?"--M

"As long as you're not a mystery wrapped in an enema...."
 (now there's a visual...)--M

"Now, come sit on daddy's lap and get those little fingers busy typing,"
( inspiring a goddess with writer's block)--J

"...oink me, baby, oink me hard."--M

Your call is very important to us but so is your money. Please hold until you surrender and pay your bill.
( practicing Customer Care)--M

'I'm stuffing peanuts into a Target bag.'
 ( not what you think! *L*)--J

You're the type of person who skips over self deprecating humour and launches right in to self deprecating abuse.--M

Huckles!--M

"I am somewhere between diapers and Depends."
(quoting Mik)--J

Short term memory loss. A sure sign of...of... ...ummm...nope, can't remember.--M

"There is an alarming paucity of saucy comments this morning. The sauce is pauce. Do something about it."--M

"I'm almost finished with the porn dictionary.  Just have to look up...b-o-n-e-r-i-f-e-r-o-u-s.  I knew that wasn't a real word, Mik!"--J

"I'd let my bedroom turn into a disaster. Red Cross was threatening to set up there."--M

"Rule of thumb...another thing worth doing by hand?"--M

"Hmm....R-I-M-I-L-I-N-G-U-S......Mik!  I am never playing scrabble with you again!"
(more spelling fun)--J

"Ack! And I haven't been funny once!"
(succumbing to quote page pressure)--M

"Which is better than Batting pussy."
(I think you had to be there *L*)--M

"You had a heart murmur in your bum when your teeth were neutered?"
 (it made sense at the time)--M

 "I only sing to the kettle. I talk dirty to the refrigerator.--M

"Well, between me and thee, I'm not certain I want to go to a brunch where I'm on the menu."--M

"I was semi medicated, and being approached by Dr. Black and Decker, and all I thought was 'here's a job Jess would love'."--M

"Sly gay undertones...comes in seven natural shades from Twinkie Pink to Totally Boxed Bronze.  Because you're worth it."--M

"Mea culpa, ma'am.  Been offline due to wicked ickiness.  The answer is...yes, I will marry you...oops, wait, wrong list.  um...yes, I do think our PM looks like California's Gov-no, that's not it, either.  Let me see...yes, I am planning to change my long distanc...no, not right. Hmm...pick up laundry, order Bondage Babes calendar, feed rabbits, answer ___, check oil, pay housekeeper...sigh.  Well, whatever it was, the answer's yes."--M

"A stereotypical Sask farmgirl talking about her stainless steel vagina--does it say John Deere on it?"--M

"Fine, consider yourself smacked with a coffee crisp wrap."--M

"Yeah? What kind? Huh? WHat? Huh? Huh? What? Huh? Tell me? Huh? What kind? Is it good? Is it chocolate? Huh?"
(after four shots of espresso)--M

"Last year I tried giving up starbucks. They teetered on the brink of bankruptcy and I was near homicidal, so I decided against that this year."--M

"WhrrrrrGRRRRwhrrrr..."
( guarding the powertools...)--M

"I didn't even know what they did 'til I took NHL 101's extra cred This is Your Spleen."--M

"Tick Buggery Boom."
 (this is a bad thing)--M

"I swore a blood oath never to utter Gadzooks."--M

"Commando Squirrels, swooping in under dark of night, cammo streaks painted over their fur, whirly blades atop their little helmets, racing to your kitchen for that premium chunky blend peanut butter, and racing out, muttering 'go go gadget Helicopter Head', as Jessabelle takes aim with her new nail gun."
 (creating a new Playstation game)--M

"For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow...which no one better deny.  Grr."
 (everybody sing! or else...)--M

"If you're in it for the pats...you should be butter."--M

"I'll do my best.  And then Jaxon will do it right."--M

"Ged, I guess it does."
(on the difference between Zee and Zed)--M

"Ummm, one of the benefits of being Jewish is your cats don't get into everything?  Jaxon, you didn't tell me that part!  Think they'd take a former altar boy?"--M

If you're knickerless, shouldn't that be a bit o' brrr?--M

"Okay. I'll just make a left at 'Hey, look! A pony!' Blvd."
(when you just don't want to know...)--M

 "I didn't realise there was actually a title of Lesbian w/Control Issues. Do they get a special hat or something?"--M

"While you were rhapsodising on my diversity, my stomach went all queer."--M

"If it's raining men, I'd better go move my car."--M

"That's the gift for the guy who's had everyone."
 (on buying Trixie a birthday drink)--M

"The glass may not be half full, but gosh, isn't it a pretty glass?"--M

"It's always best when that wagging tail smacks someone in the face."--M

"Cardinal Puff Puff Number One Beer Bottle Empty, Sir."--M

"To Surly With Love"
(naming the new story archive)--M

"On behalf of all the natural blondes in the world, I'm highly....um...uh...thingie."--M

"Actually, I'm just clockily challenged."--M

"That's us, fair reeking of testosterone. Or...is that Glade's new scent....Mountain o' manhood?"
 (on owning butch rabbits)--M

Haggis, gag us all,
with sheep innards baked within,
haggis never stays.
 (showing off haiku skills)--M

"Allen wrenches are our friends."--M

"Nothing says love like the Orkin man."--M

"Am I not Samurai Lapin, the meepless one?"--M

"Do not mock the Samurai Lapin, oh, unworthy.  He carries the wisdom of the ancient ones, the sword of the righteous ones, and the wicked carrots of death."--M

I'm a divo.
 (like a diva, only butcher)--M

I have always admired quality...I just got a new sofa, would you mind awfully spending the rest of your life on all fours in front of it?'--M

"But, I don't understand what the masks and whips were for..."--M

"I've managed crap before...Wait....that came out wrong... And so did that"--M

"To meep or not to meep, that is the question..."--M

"Sex in the Sitty."
(telling us about the gay man's version of Sex and the City)--M

"Foolish creature.  You think you can entice me with mere chocolate? BWAHAHA...ha...oh...hey...you can!"--M

"I'm British so I smile on the other side of my face."--M

"It's always been about loving the other person's heart and soul, regardless of gender, race, body shape or sexual orientation.  And loving the part of myself reflected in that person's heart and soul."--M

"...try lighting the end of a Tootsie Pop...I did...more than once.  It's almost satisfying."
 (on quitting smoking)--M

"I've spent more money on Craftsman tools than three lesbians"--M

"Okay, I can't contribute anything to this topic, but I had to get in on the waving."--M

 "I can relate, being married to one (an engineer)...I don't mind it when he brings the compass to bed, but I think the protractor and slide rule are a bit much."--M

"Rabbits make terrible pets.  However, they make terrific masters."--M

"I'll write a story where a very needy Mulder has sex with a toppy, crop-wielding pony.  That ought to be disturbing enough to draw the Skinnerists, the Ratlovers and the OtherGuys (oh my!) into one camp and they can fire snfs at me 'til I drown.  How's that?"--M

"Trixie's universal answer to every problem...Screw him, kick him out, pour me a drink."--M

"Paige Davis Page and the Haywalls...And their hit song 'I so screwed your house, but so what?'"--M

"You don't like it? Too bad, you signed a release.
Now you'll live to the end of your days with a door covered in fleece.
Kick off your shoes and screw in your curls.
Gonna make a mess with the rest of the girls.
Paint the floor black...make Ty sweat...
don't sit on the sofa, the paint's still wet."
-The lyrics to "I So Screwed Your House, But So What?"

"You'll give til it hurts....someone else."--M

"It's a mad whirl of glitter and gin you live in, isn't it, Dorothy?"--M

"Oh, yeah...love it, amazing, honey...stand still a moment?"
 (as the husband on While You Were Out)--M

"Okay, since I'm not gay enough to be a Barbra fan you're on your own there."--M

"I'm a tee shirt now!"
 (I think you had to be there)--M

"Put those grapes where they'll do some good, Jimmy! We beg ya!"
(on James Brolin trying on Barbra's costumes when she's not there...)--M

"I think it's, Man who burns candle at both ends so ends up with a short wick."--J

"Man who lives in Glass House Should Not Show Stones."--M

"Justifiable ichthycide."
 (with one theory on why pet fish die)--M

"I try to stay away from the bubble cum-I mean gum girls."
( on Christine Aguilera, et al.)--M

"I always saw Bach as more of a dark beer composer, coolers were more Vivaldi-clink clink clink clinclinCLINK"--M

"Ca va--that's French for 'meh'"--M

"The Miami Bread Machine."
 (answering the burning question: To what band does a gingerbread conga line dance?)--M

"You mean...I've been honing my hokey pokey skills for NOTHING!!??"--J

"Hey, let's not be too quick to let go of any kind of pokey."
 (on discovering that the hokey pokey isn't what it's all about)--M

"And in other news...a box of innocent shortbread cookies was in a collision with a rampaging rabbit--there were no survivors."--M

"There's a reason he's called the Pilsbury DOUGH boy, you know. He's not the Pilsbury Cooky Boy, is he? Huh? Nooooo."--M

"The other day I mentioned to Jaxon that Ramius was on a 'hi Fiver' diet."
 (on how smart the dog is to know that when he goes to visit the rabbits, one of whom is named Fiver, if he tags along, he gets a treat)--M

"I have to bounce. I'm genetically mapped to bounce."--M

"Bounce...Bounce....Squeeze"
 (teaching the chatroom Morse Code, sort of...)--J

"Rumours to the contrary, I am still akick and livin'."--M

"A philodendron? They're a bad lot--thrill killers."
 (on house plants)--M

 "Remember...sinks are not for sleeping."--M

"Snow? That's the white stuff that you don't put in your nose, right?"--M

 "I would never stand between a woman and creaming."
(not as sexy as it sounds--just showin' some care for the little alligator sister *L*)--M

"Oh, I hate it when I burn my siennas. but I've learnt to use a high spf."--M

To Do List:
Pay cable.
 Pick up milk.
Get me some.
Clean loo.
 (helping the goddess get organized)--M

"Can you get me a ride on the Regina blimp? And I don't mean Yada."--M

"We have your mortal sins, your venial sins, your confessed sins, repented sins, and raspberry cremes."
(on Sees Chocolates new fall line)--M

"I told ___ that night that you were painting smiley faces on everything...that you were the kind who'd get up and serve cookies at your wake."--M

"I think it's Revelations...clouds of black smoke will cover the land and coin of the realm falleth willingly from the purse of she who loves women..."--M

"...simple Briton, sugar and lard makes us soooooo happy..."--M

"Well, my idea of geography is something like...LA's the capitol of the west coast and Canada's in Ontario."--M

" I need to go brush my front lobe."--M

"Yes, vast guacamole pods."
(not what you think)--M

"Oh, gosh...lesbians in chaps. That would make them...chapstick lesbians, right?"
(on the explanation of Shane's quote, and the inexplicable lesbian dress code)--M

"Jaxon has a great slot b."--M

"Bankrobbing cheerleaders...that's like...knitting arsonists."--M

"Better. hmph. Bits, indeed."
(scolding the goddess for impuning the size of men everywhere)--M

"Have you considered taking up tap, or something?"
(curing menstrual cramps.)--M

"There's none so Scots as a Scots abroad."--M

"Stand back. I have a blue camel...and I'm not afraid to dip it in milk."--M

"We're so cool, we're in a gay bar...is that man wearing lipstick? Eww!"
(mocking straight kids)--M

"Well, a little goofy is good. A lot of Goofy is a copywrite infringement."--M

'Oh, come on, I've been penetrated by bigger mosquitos'.
 (talking about the provincial bird of Saskatchewan *L* and how to diss a trick, NOT his own love life, thankyouverymuch!)--M

"What's that, Marge...he did what? For how much? I don't believe it...oh wait a minute, Marge.... thatsitohbabybabyridemeyoubigstallionyou...so then what did he do?"
 (explaining how to tell if your woman is not as excited as you are.)--M

"Worked with lesbians...no income to declare."
 (helping the goddess with her taxes.)--M

"...if it wasn't for the pink ink faerie..."--M

"Oh, mannnnn, now I'm never going to be satisfied with this laptop, no matter how big the hard drive is."
(talking about computers, I think *L*)--M

" I'm a fathermucker... I'm a mocking mucker!"--M

"Princess Fukme Amidala-headi knight!"
(offering Trixie a part in the next SW movie)--M

"depends on how far you drop your jeans'"
 (in response to Devon's question "is there a full moon in Winnipeg too?")--M

"There are many isms in the world but non so mikish as a mikism."--M

"I love to fill your mind with inexplicable, snf inducing images of your friends."--M

"Barkley thinks whither Thom pisseth, there pisseth he."
(I just like the accent)--M

"Explain to her that Krycek lost his arm, not his ear."--M

"Speaking of Trixie, I'm listening to Supertramp."--M

"It's cause I'm so vast."--M

 ( * )  @==8
--M

" I think somewhere at the bottom of our O levels, there's a note: hand maimed by nuns who care."
 (on ruptured spleens and Catholic school)--M

"To quote Whiney, EWWWW...Whitney! I meant Whitney!"--M

"Actually, conjugate and fuck come from the same root. Root. Heh heh."--M

"If life gives you lemons, stick 'em in a Southern."
 (with a new affirmation for the GodDESS)--M

"If you can't fuck'em...suck'em?"--J

"If you can't fuck 'em, fuck 'em."--M

"You're not struck dumb by brilliance, just distracted by the pony."--M

I am proud...and I will eat green AND blue m & m's.
(doing an affirmation)--M

"Affirmations by Yoda. Green ones only I eat."
 (still affirming)--M

"Sorry, playing the air kitty."
 (who explains further: "It was Cheap Trick, I needed to play something!")--M

"Canadian straight people. Buy one, get one free."
(trying to help the sagging Canadian economy)--M

"That's me--ruggedly embroidered."
( being butch)--M

"I read Michele's mind and it said 'For a good time call Trixie Pan Am at...'"--M

"I'll be Bone China."--M

"Try an Anthrax Zinger and puke your way to Paradise."--M

"Friday Night Chat -- come for the coffee...stay for the penguins."
(who is going to climb back into his Nyquil induced fog now...shhhh)--M

"Does Trixie put the 'ho' in macho?"
 (see Ed's page for more macho wordplay)--M

"Hey, try the veal."
 (playing the Pokinos)--M

I wuz raised right up off my feet with the paddle iffen I didn't put the lid back on good.--J
(on peeing in a mayonnaise jar)

"Ah, yes, first, do no harm, then be fabulous."
 (reciting the 'Trixicratic Oath")--M

"Yeah, I'm not thrilled about the possibility of being violated by a long neck Bud."
 (mocking a sleeping GodDESS)--M

"The original Scottish Nose Fountain."
(reacting to something funny)--M

"You're the only person I know who has dates which sound like flat numbers."--M

"Love means getting drenched in bear sweat."
 (it sounded a lot more romantic the first time...)--M

'with the guys'?  WHO TOLD YOU?  I deny everything. It was a bet.  I...I...I was drugged!  I...oh, you mean with my writing.  Oh.  Okay.  Never mind."
(justifying the greatest writing on the net)--M

"My GOD!  I'm a Stepford Bunny!"--M

"Evening gown and pinny?  I think NOT!"
(sounding suspiciously like Mulder in Bad Blood)--M

"We are just men, you know..."
 (had to be recorded for posterity)--M

"Tights itch."
(explains thusly: "I've had silk shorts, and they itch. And tights are made of silk, right? Ergo, tights itch.)--M

"...in Scotland we say, if ye ride my hard one, and I'll put it away in a wet place."
 (the linguist-no remarks!)--M

"We entertain angels unaware"
(quoting Hebrews 13:2, but until that bible quotes page goes up, it goes here, especially since it feels so good coming from them.)--M

"I guess I'd be 'Unbelievably Well-Endowed and Incredible Lovemaking Stud Muffin'."
 (playing the name game)--J

"Well, based on that, I guess I'd have to change mine to...Lucky."
 (playing along)--M

"That shower's getting pretty full, Krycek, Mulder, Scully, Skinner's balls..."--M

"You know, Jaxon, if you pout and wear my glasses, Michele might self combust."--M

"An idiot?  I'll have you know I looked that up in my dictionary.  It said...see men."--M

"...you should see what he does with squash and candle wax if I leave him alone too long.  Or he makes leprechuan costumes for the cats.  Then there was that unfortunate incident with the carpet cleaner and the Avon lady...we only just settled out of court on that one."
 (bragging about Jax again)--M

"I am flattered by all the bodkins bared for me so willingly, but I must inform you that the only bum for which I will now wield whip, crop or paddle belongs to my baby musk bear..."
(letting the ladies down easy...)--M

"GRRR..."--M

"You know what they call straight guys who write slash, don't you?...Gay guys."
 (having a little fun with Ed Delicious)--J

"I am Ed Delicious! BWAHAHAHAHA!!"
M

"Ohhhhh Cannnnnndy....step this way, won't you?  And bring your balls..."
(who can even see through Federation made cloaking devices)--M

"What does the finger up there do?"--J

"The only thing ___ tops is ice cream."
 (telling tales out of school)--M

"He couldn't top me with a ladder."--M

:)
 (you really had to be there!)
J

"I've decided I want to start my own list...it will be extremely exclusive. Only stories and discussions about foxes having hot,
sweaty, mindless, mindnumbing, mindblowing, mindyourmanners, mindyourmother, mindwiping...uh...thingie with badgers.  That's it. Foxes and badgers.  And rats.  And...um...sheeps.  Yes,  that's it...just foxes and badgers and rats and sheep.  And sloths. And...um...hedgehogs.  But that's it!  Foxes and badgers and rats and sheep and sloths and hedgehogs and dustmites.  And maybe pumas (yeah, sex with pumas would be hot...) So...that's it.  How does it sound?  A list where foxes sleep with
badgers, rats, sheep, sloths, hedgehogs, dustmites, pumas, llamas, salamanders, barn owls, howler monkeys, turtles, turtle dove, maids-a-milking, and a partridge in a pear tree.Ummm...but NOT bunnies.  No.  Bunnies are right out.  There will be
no fox/bunny sex allowed.  Ick.  Ptooy (the British spelling).
 (who thinks you need more than love...you also need a really good lube)--M

"The Scottish interpretation is you take the high road and I'll take the low road, and I'll be in Krycek afore ye."
 (explaining the age old top/bottom question)--M

TWO HEADS ARE SOMETIMES BETTER THAN ONE....AKA SOME HEAD IS BETTER THAN NONE....
(conversation, a game for two or more players...)
 

MICHELE: Well, you can cheer nekkid if you like, but I'd skip doing the wave then...
MICK: But I've been practising.
MICHELE: well, okay, then. But only if you wear one of those big foam number one fingers....on your hand!
MICK: My...hand?

MICHELE:How many times in your life do you get to visit a city that rhymes with...fun!
MICK:You have a city called Seenis?
(on visiting Regina)

MICHELE: Tab A, Slot B, and turn! It's like origami!
MICK: Look! A goose.
MICHELE: I just got a great visual!
MICK: Little cranes made out of lube packets...They're art AND they're functional...And that's a good thing.
(what started out as a discussion on reading during sex...)

MICHELE: XF is the great love of my life, the one I'll compare everything else to for all my days. TS is my dirty affair, where anything goes and it's all sexy.
MICK: What was Buffy? A one off? A hand job in a dark alley?  Hooker in a taxi?
MICHELE: A combination of Joss Whedon's writing and lust for Anthony Stuart Head.
MICK: This is me going off the curb again.
MICHELE:  Not Anthony Stuart's head. I think Buffy was a rebound f**k. After CC's bad continuity, I turned to the guy who mentioned a one off line from season two in season seven.

MICHELE: Blair's the short, long haired one.
MIK: Yeah, he looks as if he's coated in bottomy goodness.

MICHELE: Ah yes, the original ending of the trilogy...
MICK: Yeah, you thought that ring meant jewelery, didn't you?
MICHELE: It was like Titanic all over again. Beloved Rose/Frodo gives up the jewels in the end
MICK: Oh, look out, Samwise is going down.
MICHELE: I saw that Titanic joke coming from a block away...
MICK: You started it.  I just steered it into the iceberg.
MICHELE: We've talked about your driving before...
MICK: You don't like my driving? You'll HATE my putting.

MICHELE: It burns my mouth....it's surprising how sensitive it is, considering what comes out of it sometimes *L*
MICK: Educated donkey remark number fifty seven.

Michele: I think I'm going to be visiting your state in June.
Mick: Which state?  Apathy?  Confusion?  Entitlement?
Michele: smarty pants!
Mick: Will you be visiting northern smarty pants, or the southern breeches?

MICHELE: Jaxon, this is me, hugging the stuffing out of you!
JAXON: Poking my stuffing back in and hugging you right back!

MICHELE: I can see it now: You exclaiming "Eureka! I've got this protractor, four rubber bands and a bottle of white glue! I'm going to build three hundred houses!" We'll call you "Mick-Guyver"
MICK:I'd boo you for the bad pun but that's almost kinda cool.

Michele: wow, could that metaphor be a little more mixed?
Mick: Only with a blender

Michele: You can imagine my delight.
Mik: Oh, is that what it is. It's dripping.

MICHELE: quick, be clever, get a quote
MICK:too much pressure!

MICHELE: What can I say, I make a mean cuppa joe
MICK: Mean? Sometimes it's downright abusive.

MICHELE: I can just 'hear' you in my head.
MICK: Oh, yeah.  The accoustics are great in there.
(on chatting online)

MICK: That was for the freestyle trying not to fall on the ice ballet. Flapping your arms like a penguin was a nice touch.
MICHELE: Hey, I always was stronger in the artistic merit than the technical
MICK: Well, they did give you marks for the height you achieved when your feet went in the air just before you landed on your back.
MICHELE: It's all about presentation.
MICK: I thought the soft muttering of 'ta da!' while you were lying there was a bit over the top.
(on icy winter streets aka the Michelympics...)

ANONYMOUS ADMIRER:You do know the sun shines out of your ass, right?
MICK: Yeah, and asbestos loo paper's a bitch.

(from a line about someone making a 'conscious effort)
MICK:Yeah, those unconscious efforts really aren't very successful.
MICHELE:Well, they work for the resumes, but the interviews don't go so well *L*
MICK: Unless, of course, it was a mattress company...
MICHELE: Oh right--whole different job requirement there.
MICK: then he could actually say 'I'm prone to succeed'.
MICHELE: Mattress jokes are so "beneath" you, though....
MICK: I would have expected more support from you.
MICHELE:Okay, is your mind racing for the next mattress joke as fast as mine?
MICK: I think we've got them covered.

JAX: You're cute as a button!
MICK: Then that would make you a...buttonhole?

MICK: 'You'd think the world would be more intimidated by the British Empire.'
JAX: No, you're all too polite. 'He'd say...I'll be back-if that's quite all right with the rest of you.'
(on the similarities between Tony Blair and Arnold Schwarzenegger)

LQ: Anyone seen The Time Machine <the movie>?
JAX: It was here a minute ago.

('cos it is all about those hugs!)
 

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