AIN'T MISBEHAVIN'...
DEEDZ: You pre-congratulated me beforehand.
MARLON: Did I slip you the tongue?
"Where in the bible does it say, on the third day, He will arise from his grave and look for painted eggs..."
"Don't blow smoke up my ass, you'll mess up the autopsy!"
"There isn't room in the Balfour for that much arrogance."
(when pretty boys go home together)
"He was like a cross between Puffy and Buffy..."
(I thought he meant Shane and the Slayer)
"What are ya, McDonald's?"
-on Brian M's serving capacity....
"She looks like the leading lady from Schindler's List."
"Some guy told me riding a bike would make you sterile...so what? Still tastes the same."
"She swallows it, she doesn't play in it!'
-on Brian and watersports
"I was almost your stepmother."
-to Andrea
DRUNK CUSTOMER: I'm
looking for love in all the wrong places, Marlon.
MISS B. HAVEN: That's why you have herpes
in your eyebrows, honey.
JOEL: You got five bucks a week allowance
when you were six?
MISS B. HAVEN: How else do you think I
bought my cigarettes?
"Ooh, look at the stairs swell!"
-what you get when it rains on a deck made of
cardboard
"How do you balance yourself with such little jewelry?"
-to Avaughna
SEAN: My baby looks just like me, except
for the goatee.
MISS B HAVEN: So, she's ugly, then?
"I pity the poor man who gets these dug into his shoulders later!"
-showing off new shoes
"This is better than cum."
-on Dave's birthday cake icing
"I should make you pay for the sex you thought you had."
"You need a drink cos it's your birthday this week, you little fuckin'
shit."
getting sentimental
"She looks like a cabbage patch doll on crack!"
"She has all the social graces of a KLIK sandwich..."
"It'd be like pissing through a tupperware seive..."
on body piercing to the extreme
"All my nailpolish is missing...is it in your back?"
"It makes these melt."
on the effects of gin
"I can ruin my own relationships without any help from here, thanks."
"I'd go out with you if you didn't talk when you drank."
"Sometimes I watch people, and I think: 'why am I not in the bathroom?'"
"If cum tasted like raspberries, I'd suck dick all day long!"
"I think someone put a cigarette in my pantyhose."