"I thought you always said that colleges are just brain farms for the rich elite"
-Dave

"Tubelcain"
-Joe Garrelli

"He's like an enema for the mind"
-Jimmy

Beth:"I was trying to prove a theory involving the 5th dimension."
Dave:"Well Agent Scully, you nearly shorted out the entire bulding"

Joe: "...and if you DO go to prison you should burn yourself with a cigarette so they think you're crazy."
Dave: "Of course, that can backfire... some men like their bitches crazy."

"How do you think it makes me feel realizing at 30 I`m much better looking as a girl?"
-Dave

"I don`t know what caffine does for you,but I`m pretty sure without it your head caves in"
-Dave

"Have you ever heard the expression, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and then toss it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place'?"
-Bill

BILL: What about you Dave, do you have a special lady on your life?
DAVE: Uh, no.
BILL: I'm sorry, that was presumtuous of me, do you have a special "person" in your life?

"...When Johnny comes marching home again... he's gay... he's gay..."
--Bill

"She's even infused the meringue with an insoucient hint of lemon zest."
-Joe

Bill's Letter To Matthew:
Dear Matthew,
I AM dead.  No matter what I may have told you about my secret plan, do not get on an airplane and fly around the world searching for me.  Also, be assured this is not just a further ruse to throw everyone off the track of my secret plan. P.S. The crow flies at midnight.
 
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