Sam: Look at me! Look at this uniform!
Al: Uh, you look good in dark blue, Sam.
"The Leap Between the States"

Sam: Is sex all you ever think about?
Al: Well, except when I'm pulling you outta the fire, yes!
Sam: Well ya got me there Al.

When it comes to quantum physics, you're still a mental slug."
-- Al Calavicci

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do - but if you do, take pictures."
-- Al Calavicci

"No more banga-banga!"
Sam (funnier when not explained)

I'm a man, a male, a person of the masculine gender...
-Sam

I have loved every woman I ever slept with ... at the time I slept with them.
-Al

Does a brother tell his sister what he did looking at his first centerfold?
-Sam

Time has packaged my best friend into a goddess of love.
-Al

Every once in a while, you meet someone who instantly rubs you the wrong way. You don't know why, but for some reason, you just want to rub 'em back.
-Sam

But HE loved *pure* and *chaste* from *afar*....Well, that part was never big with me, either.
-Al

I'm not a doctor, I just play one on television.
-Sam

Sounds like love to me.
-Al

It's a chicken... an upside down chicken.
-Sam

I'd give anything to have what you have, Sam. Anything.
-Al

This is great ... I'm stuck out here in the middle of nowhere handcuffed to a woman that's trying to kill me and my best friend
is trying to work through guilt about his fifth wife.Can life get any worse than this?
-Sam

There are five stages of love, the first is denial, second is sex, then there's acceptance, then is divorce, and then there's sex, if
you're lucky. ... it's a theory of mine and a darn good one!
-Al

I couldn't shoot a game of pool with a shotgun.
-Sam

Ooo, I love bedtime stories ...
-Al

You've got to reach for the stars, not for the ceiling.
-Sam

What's wrong with a good, old-fashioned one night stand?
-Al

AL: Isn't it a little past your bedtime?
SAM: Not if I can't find my bed.

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