Sam: Look at me! Look at this uniform!
Al: Uh, you look good in dark blue, Sam.
"The Leap Between the States"
Sam: Is sex all you ever think about?
Al: Well, except when I'm pulling you outta the
fire, yes!
Sam: Well ya got me there Al.
When it comes to quantum physics, you're still
a mental slug."
-- Al Calavicci
"Don't do anything
I wouldn't do - but if you do, take pictures."
-- Al Calavicci
"No more banga-banga!"
Sam (funnier when not explained)
I'm a man, a male, a person of the masculine gender...
-Sam
I have loved every woman I ever slept with ...
at the time I slept with them.
-Al
Does a brother tell his sister what he did looking
at his first centerfold?
-Sam
Time has packaged my best friend into a goddess
of love.
-Al
Every once in a while, you meet someone who instantly
rubs you the wrong way. You don't know why, but for some reason, you just
want to rub 'em back.
-Sam
But HE loved *pure* and *chaste* from *afar*....Well,
that part was never big with me, either.
-Al
I'm not a doctor, I just play one on television.
-Sam
Sounds like love to me.
-Al
It's a chicken... an upside down chicken.
-Sam
I'd give anything to have what you have, Sam.
Anything.
-Al
This is great ... I'm stuck out here in the middle
of nowhere handcuffed to a woman that's trying to kill me and my best friend
is trying to work through guilt about his fifth
wife.Can life get any worse than this?
-Sam
There are five stages of love, the first is denial,
second is sex, then there's acceptance, then is divorce, and then there's
sex, if
you're lucky. ... it's a theory of mine and a
darn good one!
-Al
I couldn't shoot a game of pool with a shotgun.
-Sam
Ooo, I love bedtime stories ...
-Al
You've got to reach for the stars, not for the
ceiling.
-Sam
What's wrong with a good, old-fashioned one night
stand?
-Al
AL: Isn't it a little past your bedtime?
SAM: Not if I can't find my bed.