THE WRIGHT STUFF....
"The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree."
"Once I tried to kill myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying."
"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen......and replaced by exact duplicates."
"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route."
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
"Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back."
"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good."
"All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."
"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film."
"I intend to live forever - so far, so good."
"Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case..coincidence?"
"Dancing is a perpendicular statement of a horizontal desire."
"Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!"
"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread"
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."
"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."
"Why is it a penny for your thoughts, but you put your two cents in? Someone's making money on this deal."
"Hermits have
no peer pressure."