~JASON MATTHEW~
 

~BORN TO EARTH~

~JUNE 17, 1985~
 

 

~JASON'S STORY~

On June 17,1985 ~ just six months after my accident ~ my beautiful son was born. I named him Jason Matthew. In the book of names it means...God's Gift; the Healer. He had some respiratory distress and turned "dusky" shortly after birth. His doctor said, "Don't worry, he'll be fine." Ah, fine he was, for about 18 months. Then, Jason had several seizures. "They're because his fever's so high," the doctor said. Several weeks later, he had his first asthma attack. Back then we did home videos. I never realized until recently, his first attack was part of our family's 1986 Christmas tape, this one abruptly ends so we can rush Jason to the hospital.
 

 My accident left me unable to walk, forcing me to accept permanent duty disability status from the police department. I also had 14 more surgeries during Jason's first 5 years of life. He in turn, was hospitalized or seen in the emergency room regularly.
 

By 1991, the doctor urged me to move to a place where Jason would not be so sensitive to the climate and pollution. My doctors were saying I would spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair if I too, didn't move to a warm, dry climate. At least they were in agreement. Jason and I could go to the same place.
 

I sold my home, packed the children and we went in search of our new life. First stop, a very small rural town, a tiny speck on the map, but Jason thrived. He was exposed to everything on an asthmatic's no-no list. During these 2 years, he went to the hospital only once.  Unfortunately, the tiny town school district wouldn't allow Jason back in school because they had no nurse. We moved again, same state, bigger city.
 

Over the next 2 years, Jason was hospitalized 8 times. Yet, they were still saying these were "only" asthma attacks. The ER doctors thought I overreacted or was too protective when I'd demand they admit Jason to the hospital each time. This was not the case, Jason would appear to recover from his initial attack, then suddenly crash, sometimes several hours later. Repeatedly, he was referred to the pediatric intensive care unit. The attacks became so severe, his doctor posted an order in the ER saying "if Jason comes through the door, admit him to Peds ICU immediately."
 

On April 3rd of 1995, Jason once again went to the ER, and was admitted to intensive care. This time he became critical and had to be intubated. I was never so frightened in my life. After several days in the drug induced coma needed to intubate him, Jason was awake, breathing on his own and playing the hospital's Nintendo. Something was different though, he was very quiet. He sat for hours, holding my hand, cuddling and snuggling with me and clinging like velcro to my side. His doctor felt he was depressed and suggested we see a therapist who specialized in children with chronic illness and the emotional impact this has on their lives. The doctor also wrote a referral to National Jewish Hospital in Denver, Colorado. She hoped their evaluation would find the right treatment plan for Jason. The doctors here feared his next attack might prove fatal.
 

National Jewish Hospital specializes in respiratory diseases. To be seen there, you need a referral from a physician who forwards the necessary background information to them. Acceptance of new patients is based on the severity of the problem. Jason met their medical criteria. A date for admission set. Plane tickets were purchased, temporary housing arranged, (out-patient diagnostic program is 2 - 4 weeks) our suitcases were packed and the calendar was in countdown mode ... On July 25th, one day before his admission, I received a call from hospital administration, "Don't come yet, your insurance company has refused coverage. You must resolve this with them first, then we can reschedule."
 

I contacted my insurance company. They believed I had failed to notify them about a 2nd insurance plan. They would not listen to me on the phone, so I wrote an explanation and mailed it to them. How do you prove you don't have something?????
 

Untangling red tape is a difficult sometimes impossible task, days passed and still no word. Before I had a chance for further follow up, Jason came down with what seemed to be a cold.
 

On the morning of August 17th, Jason awoke stuffy and miserable, looking like he had a cold. I began the routine precautions of giving him a nebulizer treatment and his array of regular maintenance medication. I added Prednisone, hoping to keep an attack from starting. I had a plan worked out with his doctor where I had the medication at home. If I felt it was necessary to give it to Jason I would notify her office right away. She would then see him as soon as possible. We were given a 4pm appointment. Jason was stable all day. On the way to the doctor's office he was very quiet. When I asked him, "What's wrong?" He said, "Just tryin' to breathe."  I told the nurse at the office Jason needed a breathing treatment and he was immediately seen by the doctor. "Yep, he's got a cold," she said. She wrote several prescriptions, gave him a breathing treatment and said we should stop by the out-patient department for a chest x-ray just to be "safe." It was now 5pm.
 

The next three hours are a blur ... in that space of time, my son arrived at the x-ray department, was transferred to the ER, got more respiratory treatment, was intubated and went into cardiac arrest. My entire world exploded during the 27 minutes it took to resusitate Jason. Too much time ... you can't go that long without oxygen to the brain ... I knew that ... but I hoped, I prayed ... The doctor said he'd had children who were deprived for longer periods of time that came out alright ... we just had to wait it out ...
 

Jason was transferred to the pediatric intensive care unit on life support. This was a shock for many of the nurses who knew Jason from his other visits. The little guy who still played Nintendo with a collapsed lung ... his deadpan look could stop the nurses in their tracks ... especially if they were about to do something to him ... this "regular customer" to their unit was in serious trouble. His favorite nurses averted their eyes when they spoke to me ... they stood at the foot of his bed ... deep sadness etched on their faces ... They knew ... and so did I ... but we all pretended it wasn't true ... I taped his picture on the wall and told everybody, "This is the REAL Jason, the boy on the respirator is a temporary illusion." ... The days went by and he began posturing ... another bad sign ... During the early hours of August 21st ... I requested organ donation papers ... I sat next to Jason on his bed and explained what I would do if he didn't wake up ... I know it was just reflex ... but he squeezed my hand ... like saying okay Mom this is what I want, too ... The nurse was a little flustered about this but I told her the worst thing that could happen would be my getting to rip these papers to shreds when he wakes up ...
 

One week later, as I drifted into an exhausted, dreamless sleep. Something suddenly awakened me. In a state of panic, I left my bed and began to get dressed ... I must go to Jason ... right now ... Starting the car, my radio began to play "Tell Me I Was Dreaming" ... In an instant I knew why I was going to the hospital ... I raced thru the ER, up to the Peds ICU, and pushed open the door, Becky, Jason's nurse, turned, a hand drawn to her mouth as she gasped, "I ... was just ... going to call you." Recovering somewhat she said, "You're not the first Mother to get here before we called." Is ... he ... Gone??? "I don't know, she replied, but something has changed, something's happened, we're not sure ... we have to run some tests ... we're taking him for a CAT Scan now." ... It was the first step in a 12 hour series of tests used to determine if brain death has occurred. I will never forget one second of those hours ... at 4pm, August 28,1995, the doctors led me to the parent lounge, and said, "Jason is brain dead."
 

They asked gently if I still wanted him to be an organ donor and if I would allow an autopsy, it was not mandatory, but they wanted to know why. I gave my consent and went back to sit with my son. Machines were breathing for him ... medication kept his heart beating and his blood pressure normal, but Jason was gone ... my little miracle boy was in Heaven, only the body he used here on earth was still here.
 

What we thought was a cold, and would have been for anyone else, turned out to be RSV. This virus occurs in everybody and usually in winter. It goes unnoticed by most, chalked up to just another cold ... but, for some ... tiny infants ... the elderly ... and asthmatics it can be lethal. In 1995, there was no vaccine, or screen for RSV ... it is highly contagious and can remain on surfaces for months. Its existence can not be detected until you are already sick and a specific test is done ... for some it is too late ... Jason was one of them.
 

 

~MOM~

I am in Heaven,
Oh, so happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.
All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed;
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in Heaven at last.
There is work still waiting for you,
So you must not idly stand;
Do it now while life remains....
Then you shall rest in God's own land.
When that work is all completed,
He will gently call you home;
Oh, the wonder of that meeting,
Oh, the joy to see you're not alone!

Love ya,
Jason
 

 

"MY HEART WILL GO ON" 
~ Celine Dion ~

Every night in my dreams,
I see you, I feel you.
That is how my heart goes on.
Far across the distance 
and spaces between us,
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are,
I believe that the heart does goes on.
Once more, you open the door
And you're here in my heart.
And my heart will go on and on.

Love can touch us one time
and last for a lifetime,
And never let go until we're gone.
Love was when I loved you,
one true time I hold to.
In my life we'll always go on.

Near, far, wherever you are,
I believe that the heart does go on.
Once more, you opened the door
And you're here in my heart.
And my heart will go on and on.

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on.
We'll stay forever this way,
You are safe in my heart,
And my heart will go on.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

MY STORY

PICTURES ~ PAGE ONE