"Tay!", I called out in joy when I saw him coming out of the airport with his luggage followed by the rest of his family. He looked so cute, his cheeks were red after a tiring trip, and his hair was tied back in an untidy knot.
Taylor smiled, dropped his luggage and put his arms around me. "Missed me?", he asked blushing.
"Well... not really, but we can pretend I did." I joked and kissed his lips. "Of course I missed you silly!"
We drove back to Hanson's house where we all helped unpack and tidy things up.
"Thank you Sida for your help, we really appreciate it.", Mrs Hanson thanked me.
"Ah, no big deal, just glad you're all back. I was beginning to really miss those pancakes of yours", I said and smiled. Diana gave me a hug and then went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Taylor walked me out. "Here, this is for you", he said, handing me a silver chain. "I got this for you in Rome, I gathered that since I couldn't share with you the city of love, I might as well buy you something from there..."
"Oh Tay, it's so beautiful, I don't know what to say... you really shouldn't have." I looked at the simple chain, it was so fine and the silver seemed to glitter in the sunlight. It was turely beautiful.
"I wanted to..." Tay leaned over and kissed my neck. "Turn around so I can put it on you."
I turned around and felt his warm hand brush my neck as he fastened the necklace. I could feel the cold metal on my skin and then Taylor's warm lips press against it. I turned to face him and put his face in my hands. I looked at him for a moment which seemed to last for an eternity. I could feel his blue eyes cutting into me. His soft blond hair fell gently around his face as the light wind blew a couple of strands across his eyes, resting on his cheeks and nose. I could feel his hands resting on my waist slightly carresing it. I brushed his hair from off his face and pressed my lips against his. My arms crossed behind his head and I felt him pull me closer to him till I could feel his body against mine. Our kisses grew even more passionate, like as if this was going to be the last time, and I felt this lust burning up inside of me, I was not sure if I had ever felt so hot with just kissing. We pulled away breathless.
"I better get going" I said letting the words him me like knives. "My mum will be worried by now."
"Yeah, um... yes, you better go, besides dinner will be ready any time soon, we'll probably only have sandwiches or something plain..." Taylor said all flushed.
"Okay bye, I'll call you later, maybe we can go out tonight."
"I'd like to" he said and pulled me close again, kissing my cheek this time. I returned his kiss and walked off to my house.
I couldn't believe this. I was just being attacked by all these new feelings. When Tay was with me before he left I was only satisfied with just being with him, sitting by him, kissing him, holding him, talking to him. But now I felt so different, like I never really had him. While he was away I thought of a lot of things, I thought of all the time we spent together and the times when I was not with him. It was like something was missing, like as if it was only a dream, a dream I had made up coz maybe I didn't want to face reality, maybe I was scared of reality. Natalie had managed to kind of pull me back into it. She had forced me to deal with being away from Taylor. I didn't think it was working, but I did manage to have a good time. And just now I realised after seeing Taylor for the first time in almost two months that I had felt him in a way so intense, so real. I walked over to a bench near the road and sat down. I gathered my thoughts again and tried to figure out what was going on with me. I rested my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands. I could certainly feel the change. Taylor was no longer what I thought he was to me: A dream, the most beautiful dream. I realised that I needed him, not as before, just to be there so I know he is there, but I needed to really feel him, to live him. I reached for my neck and held Tay's necklace, feeling the smooth silver in my hand. As insane as it all sounded to me I wasn't afraid anymore that one day he might leave me or find someone else. And even if hie did, so what? He has given me a part of his life so far that will always be with me. Life is so wondrous, you have to learn to really live it, to take in each moment and treasure it. It might just be your last, but that's okay, everything has it's meaning and life is far too short to waste. I felt like a freaking philosopher, but as I got up and walked home I knew that things were going to be different for me.
I didn't call Taylor that night, I needed some time to think about my feelings, I wanted him so much, but I didn't want to start acting weird around him, and even if we did go out tonight, I would have been bad company, I wouldn't be able to think properly and Taylor would probably get the wrong message.
Two days later I called Tay, after deciding that I missed him too much to stay away from him any longer.
"Tay?" I asked as someone answered the phone.
"Sida, hi, yeah, it's me... you okay?"
I could sence something was wrong with Tay, he seemed upset. "I'm fine, you don't sound so good though, what's up?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you haven't called me in three days almost got me thinking a bit"
"Thinking of what Tay? And I'm sorry, I didn't know that you would have taken it so bad." I felt a stab of guilt as I realised that I could have at least called him. "Besides, you haven't called me either" I added a poor attempt to justify myself.
"Well, since you didn't call me the day I returned when you said you would, you know we were going to go out, remeber? And I haven't heard from you till today, I just thought that maybe you've had enough of me, but you know, you could have at least called me and told me so. I'm not stupid, I would find out sooner or later" Taylor spoke, his voice shaking a bit.
"Oh, Tay, that's not why I didn't call you at all. You shouldn't get all worked up about things like this."
"And what should I get worked up about?", he cut in "I mean, you haven't seen me in two months, and when I finally come back you don't even want to go out."
"C'mon now, don't be unfair, you know I missed you, I could never act around you, you should know better, if I wanted out I'd tell you straight."
"Then what's going on with you?"
"The truth is that I have been doing some thinking..." I paused for a moment, not sure how I was going to tell him about my thoughts.
"Oh... and what where you thinking about?" Tay spoke in a low voice, sounding worried. "Has it got anything to do with me?"
"Yes, I was thinking about both of us... you know, our relasionship, that's why I didn't call you, I wanted to clear somethings out first."
"Just say it Sida, you've had enough haven't you?", Taylor cut in again, his voice shaking.
"No Tay, I've haven't had enough, if you would just let me explain." I said exasperated.
"Okay, sorry... go on" Tay sounded a bit relieved.
"Listen, when you went away, I was a complete wreck, I just didn't know how long I could be away from you... then I thought that I might as well try to have fun, I mean, I couldn't just sit around all the time feeling low. Natalie actually helped me get around. And even though I didn't think it possible, I managed to enjoy myself, not that I didn't miss you and think of you, I did really miss you. And when I saw you two days ago in the airport, I felt so weird. I don't think I can explain it, but after we went over to your house and I left, something just clicked. Like I was going through some kind of a change. I don't know if you are getting any of this, it's kind of complicated for me too." I stopped, waiting for his reaction.
"Whoa! You actually thought of all that? And you didn't call me because you were going through a change?" Tay sounded surprised.
"Well SORRY then, I didn't mean to break your heart Monsieur, but I REALLY needed to think OKAY???" I tried to sound angry, but I could hear Tay laughing through the other side of the phone.
"Okay, okay, whatever. Can we go out tonight? Or do you need to think some more about your change?" Tay said playfully.
"Fine, you just make fun of me... but if you ever go through a change and act a bit weird, don't expect me to understand either. And yes, I'll go out with you."
"Well, since you stated so nicely that you want to go out with me, how can I refuse?" Tay said sounding cheerful. After making fun of me for at least a few more minutes, we finally arranged our date, said goodbye, and hung up. Even though Tay wasn't much help, and didn't seem to get what I was trying to tell him, I decided that I'd just have to show him other than tell him.
