"I'm Not Fat..."

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Yes, we've heard Cartman say that he's not fat, he's big boned, or he's festively plump, or even, he's getting in shape. Well, we took it one step further, and came up with a bunch of lame excuses that could be used by Cartman... or even you, if you happen to be on the chunky side. So...

I'M NOT FAT...

...I'm well-fed!
...I'm holding my breath
...I'm wearing inflated clothes
...I just like to wear pillows against my skin
...I'm shoplifting
...But I just swallowed my dog
...I'm just really cold
...I just haven't grown out of my baby fat yet
...I'm just being hip *
...I have elephantitis
...It's this damn mirror!
...I'm gigantically overgrown!
...I'm just corpulent!
...I'm just a portly, strapping, burly gentleman!
...I'm just enormously fleshy and bouncing!
...I'm vastly chubby!
...I'm voluminous!
...I'm obese, it's a medical condition, dammit!
...I'm just stout, bulky, plump, ample, immense, hulking and mammoth, that's all.
...My flesh is too big for my skin!
...Your eyes are just out of focus!

Those are a lot of excuses, aren't they? I guess no one will ever pick on you for being fat again, eh tubby?
* Oh, and by the way, if you couldn't figure out the "being hip" one, it's because it's hip to wear clothing that is, well, WAY too big. How couldn't you understand that one? Are you dumb?

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