Lots of people would like to claim a lot of things when it comes to being a fan of South Park. Well, we at the Clan have put our collective heads together and devised four different categories of South Park fans: There's the supreme South Park fan, an OCF (Obsessive Compulsive Freak), a Big Fan, a Casual Fan, and at the doofus end of the scale, an Imbecile. What kind of fan are you??
If you know that Kenny dies in every episode, you're a Casual Fan.
If you know that the only episode where he doesn't die is Mr. Hankey, you're a Big Fan.
If you can name every way he has died off the top of your head, you're an OCF.
If you sometimes wonder why Kenny keeps "kicking the baby", you're an Imbecile.
If you know that Kyle is Jewish, you're a Casual Fan.
If you know that Stan's father is a seismologist, you're a Big Fan.
If you know that Kyle's mom is a big fat bitch, and can sing the song to prove it, you're an OCF.
If you know that South Park is in the Southern part of California, you're an Imbecile.
If you know that South Park is on Comedy Central, you're a Casual Fan.
If you know that it was created by Matt Stone and Trey Parker, you're a Big Fan.
If you know who the executive producer of BASEketball is, you're an OCF.
If you just figured out that South Park is a cartoon, you're an Imbecile.
If it only took you a couple of episodes to figure out it was a cartoon, you're still an Imbecile, just maybe not as much.
If you've examined it, and can list fifteen reasons why Terrance and Phillip might be gay, you're an OCF.
If you can list ONE reason why T+P might be gay, you're a Big Fan.
If you know that Mr. Garrison doesn't "just act that way to pick up chicks", you're a Casual Fan.
If you hear the name Big Gay Al, and think "I wonder if he's gay", you're an Imbecile. Not just an SP Imbecile, a complete imbecile. Please see a doctor, because I didn't think anyone could be so stupid.
If you know that Cartman's dad is his mom, you're a Casual Fan.
If you know that's so because she is a hermaphrodite, you're a Big Fan.
If you have a complete list of who his mother might be, along with a percentage chance of being the mom for each of them, you're an OCF.
If you have a mom who is exactly like Ms. Cartman, you're not necessarily an Imbecile. We just pity you.
If you've seen most of the season one episodes, you're a Casual Fan.
If you've seen most of all the episodes, you're a Big Fan.
If you've seen every single episode more than once -- and taped them, you're an OCF.
If all the South Park you've seen has been little clips that you saw in the report on the show done by Entertainment Tonight, you're an Imbecile.
If you've quoted a South Park line amongst friends once or twice, you're a Casual Fan.
If you shout "Beefcake!" in your best Cartman voice often amongst friends, you're a Big Fan.
If you start reciting Terrance and Phillip episodes -- fart noises included -- to complete strangers, you're an OCF.
If someone says "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" and you say, "They who?" or even worse, "Who's Kenny?", you're an Imbecile.
If you have a South Park T-Shirt, you're a Casual Fan.
If you have several SP T-Shirts, you're a Big Fan.
If you buy, and wear the kind of South Park shirt that no one else does, and it's so obscure that morons on the street ask you, "Is that from South Park?", you're an OCF.
If you're one of those morons, you're an Imbecile, too.
If you know that the girl on the show is named Wendy, you're a Casual Fan.
If you know that Stan is her boyfriend, and he pukes every time he sees her, you're a Big Fan.
If you can name every type of food that makes up Stan's vomit, you're an OCF.
If you still can't determine the difference between male and female characters on South Park, you're an Imbecile. And get some glasses.
If people ask you, "Do you like South Park?", and you respond, "Yeah, sure.", you're a Casual Fan.
If people ask you that, and you respond, "YEAH! I LOVE IT!!", you're a Big Fan.
If people ask you that, and you're so insulted that they'd ask YOU that question, as if they didn't know by now, you go and kick their ass, you're an OCF.
If people ask you that, and you respond, "South Park?? OH... South Park...", you're an Imbecile.
So, how did you do? If you scored 8 or more OCF answers, you're probably an enormous South Park fan. And a mental check-up probably wouldn't hurt you either. On the other hand, if you scored even ONE Imbecile answer, we question what you're doing at a South Park website. You've likely got some serious issues to deal with, my dear friend.
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