When Sabrina walked down the stairs very early the next morning, it was obvious to Brian that she hadn’t sleep well. He met her at the bottom of the stairs and when she looked up at him, she burst into tears. Brian simply took her in his arms and holded her very tight. He was expecting the first couple of days to be hard for her. He took her hand and they sat on the sofa. He noticed that she was holding a piece of paper in her other hand.
“What’s this honey?” He said gently.
She handed him the letter and tried to stop crying. Brian read the letter and said: “You had to expect this Sabrina. It’s understandable that he doesn’t want to stay here anymore.”
“This is all so unfair to him. He’s loosing in every way.” She wiped a tear from her cheek.
“Give him time. All you did was end a relationship in which you didn’t felt good anymore Sab. You didn’t wanted to play with his heart. What you did seems fair to me.”
“You think it’s fair that I left him to go out with his best friend? He had to leave me, leave his house, leave his godson. I think what I did was everything but fair.”
Brian was starting to feel uncomfortable. “I know this sounds corny but all you did was follow your heart. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nick is young. He has plenty of time to meet wonderfull girls. He’ll eventually fall in love with one of them.” She looked reassured. “Come here.” He hugged her once again and they kissed. A new life was beginning.
* * * * *
An hour after their conversation about Nick, everything started to get crazy in the house. Delilah started to cry, and while Sabrina took care of giving her a bath, Ryan was desperate for something to eat.
“Sabrina!” Brian screamed from downstairs. “There’s nothing for the little one to eat!”
“Go get something!”
“What?”
“Stop screaming! If you want to talk, come upstairs.”
He walked up the stairs and in the bathroom. “You girls look beautiful this morning.” He kissed Sabrina and Delilah. “What do we do about breakfast?”
“I’ll take care of it. I’m staying home today to study for my exams. You know they’re in two weeks, right? I’ll finally be done with High School.”
“Do you want me to drop the kids to day care if you want to study? We can stop at the McDonald’s for breakfast.”
Sabrina looked pensive. “OK. I might go get them for lunch. It’d be nice to have a few hours to study alone.”
“No Saby! Ryan stay with you!” said Ryan when he walked in the bathroom.
“It’ll only be for about three hours sweety. Then Sab will come get you and Lilah.” she said to him.
“Promise?”
“Yes, I promise.”
The doorbell rang and Ryan ran downstairs. “Daddy, it’s uncle Nick!”
Brian and Sabrina looked at each other, surprised. “I’ll go.” Brian said. When he opened the door, Nick didn’t seemed particularly happy to see him.
“I’m sorry I had to come but I just wanted to get the rest of my stuff. It won’t take long.”
“You know you don’t have to ring the bell Nick. You can still use your key anytime you want.”
Nick searched in his pocket and handed Brian his house key. “I don’t think I’ll need it anymore.” He took Ryan’s hand and they headed for his room. He bumped into Sabrina, who was coming out of the bathroom with the baby. “Mind if I take her for awhile?” He took Delilah in his arms, walked in his room and closed the door behind him. He made Ryan and Delilah sit on his bed. “I missed you two. Ryan, I just wanted to tell you that I won’t be living here anymore. Nick is planning on buying a house in front of the ocean.”
Ryan was looking at his godfather with question marks all over his eyes. “Why?”
“I can’t be a part of your family anymore bud. But I will always, always be your friend. You promise to remember that?”
Ryan only nodded. Nick felt like his throat was tied in a knot while he finished packing his stuff. Ryan was staring at him, holding on tightly to his little sister. Soon, tears started to fall on his cheecks but never, a sound came out of his mouth. They both felt as thought they were loosing their best friend. For Nick, it was obviously more than that. He was putting behind him two years of his life. As painful as it was, he could only hope that the people he would always love no matter what happened would be happy. They all deserved that much. The final goodbyes with Ryan were heartbreaking, the child holding on to Nick’s neck like he’d be holding a buoy if he was drowning. Brian and Sabrina were watching from the stairs, and Brian finally had to intervene. He gently took the child in his arms and wished good luck to Nick.
* * * * *
When the doorbell rang, Sabrina couldn’t help but wish that they’d leave her alone for a few moments. Since she knew that not just anobody could come up to the door, and that it was probably someone she knew, she forced herself out of her study room and made it to the door just as the person was turning back. She opened the door and watched as a teenage girl turned around.
“Is this the home of Nickolas Carter?”
There was a long silence. Sabrina stared at the girl’s eyes, at her face, at her clothes. But it was her smile that made Sabrina realize that she was looking at her little sister. They hadn’t seen each other in almost two years, and it was increadible how much Pamela Rainville had change. She had left a shy 15 years old and she was meeting at young woman.
When Sabrina opened her arms, she jumped into them, knowing that she had finally found Sab. As tears started to shine in her eyes, all Pamela could say after all that time was: “I love you.”
When they finally pulled apart, Sabrina took Pamela’s hand and lead her inside. They didn’t say a word until they were sitting in the kitchen. The silence between them was ackward. It had been such a long time... “Would you like something to drink?”
“A pepsi would be great.”
Sabrina smiled. Her family had always been Pepsi fans. Not a single one of them ever drank Coke. She was glad to see that she still had some connections with them. She opened the fridge and gave Pam the can. She also smiled, and Sabrina knew she was thinking the exact same thing. There had always been a special bond between them, being only two children in the family. She was glad the bond hadn’t been broken by time and distance. “Pam?”
It felt so good to hear her sister’s soft voice. “Yes?”
“Why are you here? I mean, I’m glad you are, more than you’ll never know, but why now?”
Pamela’s smile faded away and she looked pensive for a minute. Sabrina had no idea what she had put them through when she left. She had so much things to say to Sabrina, but she didn’t want to sound bitter. She had a lot of weight on her heart and it was time to take it off. She wanted to be carefree, and this visit was the only way that would ever happened. “You’ve been gone for a long time... “, she started.
“I know. It seems like several years have passed by since I left the house...”
“They have. You’ve been gone for two years now Sabrina. We’ve hardly ever heard from you. Not a single letter came our way. As months passed by, the phone calls became more and more rare, until seven months ago when they brutely stopped. The one and only time we’ve seen you was at Ali’s funeral and you didn’t even stay with us. Do you have any kind of idea how much we’ve missed having you around? It’s been so hard on mom and dad, especially dad. When you left, it was like a part of him was missing. Your attitude didn’t help. You know how much they care about us. We’re such a big part of their world. When you left, never looking back, it was like you robbed them of something they loved and cherished for 17 years. I’m not going to start talking about what effects your little vacations had on me because that would be selfish. I am not like that. But you broke our family apart Sabrina. You’ve asked me why I was here? Well, the answer is very simple. I’m here to try to fix what you destroyed.”
Sabrina was stunned. How could her sister talk to her this way? Her voice was shaking when she said with desperation in her voice: “How dare you come to my house and hurt me like this! Not one single day passed that I didn’t think about you. It’s true that I haven’t called or visit much but you better than anyone should know that never will I stopped caring about all of you. I missed you just as much as you did.” Pamela started to say something but Sabrina stopped her. “Wait. I’m not finish. Not only did I miss you, but I love you. You’re my little sister Pamy. You’ll always be. And you know that. You’ll always be in my heart no matter how far you are.”
“That’s not enough Sabrina. You can say all those words but love doesn’t exist only in thoughts. It also exists in words and mostly in actions. You have done nothing to prove all of what you just said. It’s so easy to say all of that now but how can I believe you when you have done nothing in two years, two years Sab, to prove that you really did love and care for us?”
“I don’t know what to say. I had no idea...”
“What? You had no idea that it hurted to be so far away from you? It hurted when I had to have breakfast alone in the morning and when I left without you for school. It also hurted when you weren’t with us for our Friday nights in family and when you weren’t there at Christmas, Easter, and during summer vacations. When you left, you never looked back. We became part of your past. But let me tell you something Sabrina Rainville: I’m your sister, and, like you so rightly said, I will always be. But there are some responsabilities that come with that. The first one would have to be caring. Now, I planned this little trip for a long time without telling mom and dad. They tried to stop me but it went too far. I came all the way from Rougemont on the bus to ask you to come back. For ever, for a year, a month, a week, a day, an hour, I don’t care! But please, come with me.”
Sabrina was still in shock. In less than an hour, she found her sister on her doorsteps, heard all sorts of things that made her realize how selfish and uncaring she had been, but mostly she now knew that she missed them too and that it was time to go back. After two years, she had to go back. “I’ll come with you Pam. But there’s a lot of things you don’t know about my new life and I want you to be a part of it. Just like you were before. First of all, I broke up with Nick.”
“I know that. We don’t live so far away that we don’t know what goes on in the life of the Backstreet Boys. It’s all over the newspapers and the internet.”
“So you know that I’m staying here with Brian, just as friends for now, with Ryan and Delilah, Ali’s little girl?”
“I thought you were Brian’s girlfriend. That’s what I read.”
“I’m definitely in love with him Pam. It’s only a matter of time before it’s official. But I wanted to have some time all to myself after the huge brouhaha in Asia. I didn’t wanted to move too fast and make the same mistakes again and hurt Brian like I’ve hurt Nick.”
“I understand. What about the children? Are you taking care of them?”
“Yes. To tell you the truth, I’ve always considered them mine. They’re little angels, I can’t wait for you to meet them! Ryan is 19 months old and Lilah is 7 months old.”
“Where are they?”
“At daycare. I was supposed to study today for my exams.”
“You’re back at school?”
“I’m taking correspondance classes so it’s a bit longer but I’m graduating in June.”
The small talk continued for many hours. They had so much things to say to each other, so many stories and anecdotes to tell. Good and bad memories to share, some sad ones. They stayed away from the delicate subjects because they had talked enough about those for one day. She remembered just in time to call Brian on his cellular phone to ask him to pick up the children at daycare. When they arrived, Ryan jumped onto Sab’s laps and gave her a little punch in the stomach. It was in fact very cute but he seemed very mad and Sabrina let out a small scream in surprise. “What was that for young man? You don’t hit people like that!”
“You promise me to go to park in three hours!”, he said, holding up three fingers.
“Oh, darling, I am so sorry. Your aunt Pam surprised me today with a visit! Go say hi.”
Ryan turned around and looked at the new face in front of him. He obviously hadn’t recognized her from the funeral but it was understandable since more than 7 months had already passed. He slowly approached her and he finally crawled on her laps and hugged her. “How about I take you to the park sweetheart? Would you like that?” Ryan looked at Sabrina, who smiled. He nodded and handed his little hand to his aunt. “Can Lilah come with us?”
“Of course!” They headed outside and Pam winked at Sabrina before closing the door.
Brian took Sab in his arms and they lips met hesitantly for a few seconds. “I don’t want to rush things for you Sab.”
“It’s OK. I want us to be together just as much as you. But please, just give me some time.” She pulled away from his arms and sat down. “What a day!”
“What is she doing here,” he said curiously.
“She wants me to come back home.”
“Forever?” he said, his voice mixed with fear and sadness.
“No. I wouldn’t be able to leave all of this. You, Ryan and Lilah are my own family now, I can’t leave you. But she’s my sister, and my parents are missing me, just like I miss them. For that reason, I will go see them for a week.”
“Do you want us to come with you? I’d love to meet you’re family once again!” Brian had met Sabrina’s family twice in his life : when Sabrina had a car accident when she was still living at home and Brian, Alishia and Nick had flown to Montréal and at Alishia’s funeral. “I could even go to Ottawa to see Alishia’s parents and brother. I’m sure they’d appreciate seeing Lilah. Ottawa is not far from Rougemont, right?”
“Rougemont is 30 minutes from Montréal and Montréal, 2 hours from Ottawa. And yes, I’d love you guys to come with me. But I’m warning you right now: we’re in mid-February and it’s freezing right now in Canada!”
“That’s fine. I haven’t seen snow in a long time, and I’m sure the kids will love it!”
“Good. Then we’re all set. We’ll have a terrific vacation!”
But little did she knew that things were not going to be as wonderfull as she thought.