Butch manages to get himself into some pretty tight places (and we're not just talking about that time at the petting zoo, baby!) and uses his enormous capacity for idiocy in order to get there.  While not encompassing the entire run of episodes, I have at least outlined the first seven, which is enough to a) make anyone interested enough to see the rest for him or herself or b) run screaming in horror.  Remember, it's your choice.

Thus it begins...

A precious diamond has gone missing before it is installed at the Scott Bayo Museum of Fine Art, and Butch Patterson (Greg Lawrence) is hired to find the rock by the insurance agents, who are too cheap to pony up the dough it was insured for.  For a remarkably low fee (about $200) Butch agrees to take the case.  He takes the money and buys booze.

Blanche DuMaurier (Vivian Burns) joins the hunt as she attempts to convict her arch-enemy Tommy Rubella (David McCallum) of something... anything!

Also included in this low, low price:

• The first appearance of Vance Van VanDerVan, the curator of the Museum and future plot device
• "Do you think I'd look good in a hat?"
• Classic fish-teasing package, complete with hungry cat and rubber shark
• More money than it takes to fill a pig

Rubella's significant other, Debbie Hitler (Susan Brooks) disguises herself in a wig and calls herself "Madam X."  She hires our hapless hero to determine the real cause of death of one of her suitors (she believes there's more to it than a pickaxe in the head), suspecting Tommy.

Blanche follows Butch (but not too closely, they're just friends) hoping to get more evidence on Rubella.

Butch finds the axe-killer and then goes out to celebrate.  He works on his tripod, practices moving like a robot and then scares the daylights out of his pet goldfish.  He goes to a bar, meets a woman who is only using him for sex and juggles some liver or kidneys.  Then he passes out and pisses himself.  All in all, a normal day in the life of a Private Dick.

Debbie and Butch go out for a midnight picnic with a twist--Rubella is stalking them with a pickaxe.  You can join the fun by buying 6 feminine hygeine products, and get more women into the trades!

Butch is hired by a rich (very rich) woman who wants to solve the murder of her husband, a guy who sounds kinda familiar.  He should, after Butch head-butted him and stole all his booze.  The stiff is Vance Van VanDerVan, and Blanche suspects Rubella is involved.

Butch drinks many trays of booze at the party, and makes advances at Blanche ("Something's up, I can feel it." "Sorry, someone must've slipped some Viagra into my drink.") and blows his chances with Debbie ("Nine dollars.  And a hand job.")  But in the end he is unsuccessful and he and Banche go to a bar to catch last call.

Included in this offer: the 6-hour epic mime depicting Bob Saget's emotional and intellectual struggle after his prolonged exposure to the Olsen twins.

Butch dons leather chaps and bares his Shirley-Temple tattooed ass while working undercover in a Sadomasochism leather bar.  Blanche exposes her cleavage while retaining her dignity.  All of the stuff you were afraid you'd never see on tv, printed up in a Japanese men's magazine.  And Butch makes a tidy profit for himself, too.