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Why did the slashers cross the road?
To get to the other side, you say? Ha ha! Shows how much you know. A small and unsuccessful attempt at humor.
Star Trek
They were influenced by the Vulcan chicken.
X-Files
They suspected that there was a conspiracy, and that the other side of
the road was merely an elaborate government cover-up.
Buffy
To start a badfic site.
Backstreet Boys
They didn't. They're all in rehab.
(Oh, relax, people. I am so just kidding.)
The Sentinel
Because someone told them there was a new pairing over there.
Harry Potter
They didn't. They used their magical powers to transcend the road.
Star Wars
Two words: free lightsabers!
Velvet Goldmine
To look for a rare Bowie album.
Oz
To run from the law.
due South
So the American contingent could find out the proper capital of Canada.
Top 10 things you would love to say on a mailing list but would never have the gonads
10. What the fuck do you mean, "tbc?" with a question mark? Is it a series or not?
9. Quote the entire story to send a line of feedback again and your grandchildren will feel it.
8. Oh, look. It's Mulder and Krycek. That's new and exciting.
7. What are we doing even watching this shit?
6. All right, all right, I'll send you feedback. Stop crying.
5. If you don't care about spelling, then dammit, neither do I.
4. I haven't seen a dictatorship this stringent since my days in the Hitler youth.
3. Nice story. I liked it. And I liked it the last time you posted it, when it was called....
2. Should you continue? Should you continue? I could feed my dog a set of Scrabble tiles and it would shit a better story. How's that?
1. Nice story. Did you send this accidentally?
Top 10 most overused plot devices
10. Buffy
Buffy as a bitch. Buffy as a meanie. Buffy as someone who doesn't let other people be together. But for Buffy, there would be world peace and everyone would shit dandelions.
9. 'N Sync/Backstreet Boys
Two of them get together, and the rest can't handle it and call them names, accusing them of jeopardizing the band. Either that, or the whole band is gay and have swapped boyfriends more than Erica Kane on All My Children.
8. Velvet Goldmine
Nice, sweet Arthur and Curt are all happy together until Brian Slade, coming back after all these years, tries to intervene. For that matter, any story that involves Brian as Satan and Mandy as a woman who, after all these years, is an emotional wreck who lives for what's going on in Curt's life.
7. Any story that involves men getting pregnant.
6. X-Files
Mulder and Krycek happy together, setting up house for a Martha Stewart sort of existence.
5. Wrestling fic
Two buff wrestlers decide to practice together, hitting the mats, when suddenly one of them puts his hand in a questionable place....
4. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Obi-Wan as Qui-Gon's bitch, kneeling on command and learning the art of Jedi self control by not immediately having an orgasm. Supplementary: Any story with Obi-Wan and Quoi-Gon deciding how to come out to the council.
3. Oz
Keller telling Beecher that he loves him so much, he's getting rid of that rat Schillinger once and for all. (Oh wait. That's getting tired on the show, too.)
2. Queer as Folk
Stuart and/or Vince not being able to take it anymore and suddenly professing their love to one another through a phone call, tense face-to-face meeting, etc. "I love you, mate. Want to go back to mine?"
1. Velvet Goldmine
Mark Renton from Trainspotting meeting Curt Wild, i.e. Ewan McGregor obsession fic.
Top 10 Things You Will Never Hear in Slash
10. "Deep down, I'm not really into guys."
9. "That's OK. I didn't really want to have sex, anyway."
8. "You remind me of my dad."
7. "I can't sleep with him. I hardly know him."
6. "Forget about the sex. Let's just cuddle."
5. "Wait a minute. I have to go phone my mom."
4. "Guys like you make me want to stay home and play with my Billy doll."
3. "How about touching both sides next time, Scooter?"
2. "We don't need lube. I like to scream like a woman."
1. "Not tonight. I have a headache."
They're supposed to be funny. Laugh, damn you. Do you have one? Let me know.