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The following was written in response to a frustrated
Mom who was feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and perhaps a
little unfulfilled. Being an "at home" Mom (or Dad) is
tough. People say things like "must be nice not having to go
to work all day", or "you wouldn't understand what it's like;
you don't have a REAL job", or "gee.. what a mess, and you
were home all day?". It's also interesting that during a
conversation where they are usually putting you down for what you do
they also say something like "I couldn't do it. I'd kill my kids if
I was home with them for a day." People -- sheesh!
Dear Patti,
Being a mother and being an Early Childhood Educator are sometimes thankless
jobs (on the most part). I'm both!
Not that it will help at moments of comments like your father-in-laws but know that you are building the future.
You are guiding your children's development, their personalities, their social skills,
their empathy for others, their self-respect, their understanding of what
families and home are; their ability to tolerate others’ unkind words,
their ability to be independent, their understanding of their bodies, their needs, their abilities, their
self-control; their ability to deal with anger; their ability to compromise, negotiate, and ability to
deal with frustration and disappointment. You are helping them to give their
own pats-on-the-back because in this life we don't always get them from others. You are giving them the understanding of community, and of
life -- and someday they shall be the decision-makers in our world deciding
how Moms and Dads in their old age shall be treated and taken care of.
Nah, you don't do much in a day. Your job isn't THAT important! So what if EVERY MOMENT of EVERY DAY you are role modelling to your
children? So what if your actions are ALWAYS on display for them to
learn? So what if you have put your other passions and needs on hold so
you can focus on your role as mother? So what if your IQ has dropped because of lack of adult conversation while you build your child's
language skills?
Now, let me put my professional hat on for a moment. Remember -- if you
only feel like 1/2 a person then you can't be the best Mother. You are also showing children how to find balance in your life, what it's like
to find and feel fulfilled, how to take pride in your work regardless of
the visible rewards.
Make sure you get some nights out. Find a hobby or something that you can do --for you. Go to parent drop-in centers where you can play
with your children while chatting with other parents at the same time. Form
a
little parents group in your community and meet once a week to go for coffee or take the kids on a 'fieldtrip'.
(Steps back down off the soapbox)
There's nothing tougher than being a Mother. Nor is there anything as important or rewarding.
Debbie
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