ItHurtsP10

It Hurts (So Bad) - 10

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When Dawn walked through the apartment door, after getting out of school, she could tell immediately that something was wrong. She looked over at Buffy and could see that she had a bottle of whiskey in her hand and had obviously been drinking heavily. Her eyes were glazed and she was mumbling to herself between sips. She also had a look of near panic on her face. Dawn hurried over to Buffys bed, but it became apparent within moments that Buffy was unaware of her presence. By the way her eyes kept darting around the room it seemed as if she were searching for something she couldn’t find.

Dawn looked around for Willow but didn’t see her anywhere in sight. She did notice that the bathroom door was closed and after waiting for several moments she tapped on the door lightly. When the door opened she could see that Willow had been crying hard and that she barely had herself under control. Willow reached out and grabbing her arm pulled Dawn into the bathroom and closed the door behind them quickly.

As soon as she was through the door Willow started talking fast through her tears and sobs. “I’m sorry Dawnie I didn’t mean to hurt her or upset her but she said Spike talked to Tara last night. It hurt Dawnie. Telling me Spike talked to Tara. I got upset and started crying and I don’t know why I did it but I just blurted out that Spike couldn’t talk to Tara because she’s in heaven. Buffy got mad and started crying and wouldn’t talk to me and she started drinking and I couldn’t stop crying so I came in here.”

“Willow, stop, stop!” Dawn said forcefully as she grabbed Willows by the shoulders and held her still. In a calmer voice she continued, “Slow down and tell me what happened? What did Buffy say to you and what did you say to her?”

Willow took a deep breath of air and held it in while she tried to control herself. She let the air out and took another breath in, held it, then let it out slowly. When Willow had herself under control she started talking slowly so that she wouldn’t lose it again. “We’d been getting along fine all morning talking about different things. I kept away from mentioning anything about Xander, Giles or Angel. Just like you said, don’t talk about anything that might upset her. She fell asleep for a little while and it was after she woke up, we were talking again, and from out of no where she said that Spike told her that he’d talked to Tara last night and she told him that she’s glad I broke up with Kennedy because it couldn‘t have ever worked out for us. But she likes the new girl I’ve been talking to at school because she thinks she’s nice and will be good for me. But I need to make sure to let her know about being a witch before we get involved, because she might have a problem with it, and it wouldn’t be fair to get involved with her and then tell her, because it might scare her, because some people can’t deal with the whole witchcraft thing. Dawnie, I couldn’t help it. Saying that Spike was talking to Tara, it hurt. Goddess Dawnie, I loved Tara so much and for Buffy to say things like that, it just tore right through me. I started crying and I just blurted out that Spike is dead and Tara is in heaven so Spike couldn’t have talked to her, and that Spike is just in her head and isn’t real.”

Dawn understood immediately what might have upset Buffy so much. But she needed to find out for sure. Taking Willow by both shoulders she gave her a little shake to make sure she was focused on Dawn and not her own thoughts. “When you told Buffy that Spike was dead and couldn’t be talking to Tara, did you say that Spike was in hell and that was why he couldn’t talk to Tara?”

Willow stood there for several moments blinking her eyes and trying to remember her exact words. “I, … I don’t think so Dawnie. I think … I just said he was dead, and that he was just in her head … and not real.”

A low groan escaped Dawns lips before she could suppress it. When she started to speak there was both a note of whining and exasperation in her voice. “Damn it Willow, how could you have said something like that. You know how much she loves and misses Spike. Even if he is an hallucination, it’s all she’s got left of him. Telling her that Spikes not real, that he’s just in her head, that’s the same thing as telling her that she’s crazy. She told us that she thought she was crazy at first, but Spike convinced her that she wasn’t. Now you’ve probably got her thinking that she’s crazy again.”

Tears were running down Willows face again as she tried to speak. “I … I’m sor… sorry, I … I didn’t mean to hu… hurt her … or upset her. Please Dawnie, I’m sorry. I… it was talking abo… about Tara. All the pain, it just all ca… came back, missing her so much. I started crying and the wo… words just came out.”

Dawn pulled Willow into a hug as she spoke quietly into her ear. “I know Will, I know you didn’t mean to hurt her. I just hope I can fix this, say something to make things okay again.”

Willow pushed back from Dawn far enough so that she could see her face before speaking. “Bu… but, how can you fix it Dawnie? I… it is crazy, isn’t it? Seeing Spike, talking to him, that is ki… kind of crazy, isn’t it?”

Dawn released her hold on Willow and took a half step back. She folded her arms across herself and stared down at the floor between them for a full minute or more, thinking. When she lifted her head she could see that Willow had pulled both of her arms in front of herself tightly, one hand was clasping the other and the tip of one thumb was in her mouth as she worried at it with her teeth.

Dawn took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. “Do you ever think about the world we live in, Will? I was a million year old mystical ball of energy that got turned into a real girl by a bunch of monks. You’re a witch with enough power to destroy the world. We live in a world of vampires and demons and apocalypses. Buffy was dead for almost five months and you pulled her out of heaven and brought her back to life. Spike was burned to ashes saving the world and was brought back and died again preventing another apocalypse. What’s crazy in our world? Are you crazy? Am I? Is Buffy crazy because she’s the only one that can see or hear Spike? I don’t know what’s crazy in this world and neither do you.”

Dawn took another deep breath, let it out slowly, then continued. “Remember when Buffy got infected with that demon venom and thought she was in a mental hospital and that all of us, this whole world, was an hallucination? Maybe she was right. Maybe she really is locked up somewhere and all of this isn’t real. But right now, in this world, Buffy is in the other room getting drunk, I’m standing here talking to you and your standing here biting your thumb, and I really wish you would stop doing that before you hurt yourself.”

Willow jerked her thumb out of her mouth in reaction to Dawns words and as if in a daze looked down at her thumb. She could see the indentation of her teeth in the tip of her thumb and suddenly became aware of the pain she was feeling. Unconsciously she started shaking her hand in front of herself and a quiet “Oww” escaped her lips. Her head snapped up and she looked Dawn in the eyes.

A small smile spread across Dawns lips before she started speaking. “Oww, yourself. Feels real doesn’t it?” After pausing for several moments, Dawn continued. “See, Will, I don’t know what’s real, or crazy. All I know for sure is that in this world, the one we live in, almost anything is possible. So if Buffy says she can see and hear Spike, maybe it’s just an hallucination, or maybe it’s real. I don’t know? But what I do know is that for the last few days Buffy has been drinking less and eating more, because Spike told her too. I know that she has been talking and smiling and laughing, because of Spike. I don’t know if that means she’s crazy or if it’s just another part of this weird world we live in.”

Willow just stood there looking at Dawn for several long moments. She started to say something, but nothing came out. She shook her head, as if to clear her head of confusion, but still couldn’t come up with anything to say.

Dawn gave Willow another small smile before speaking. “Crazy, isn’t it? Look Will, I’m going to go out there and try to talk to Buffy. I want you to wash your face and get yourself under control. When you think your ready, open the door to let me know, but don’t come out until I call for you. Okay? But while your in here, think about what I said.”

Dawn gave Willow another smile, squared her shoulders, opened the door and left the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Looking across the room she could see Buffy taking another drink from the bottle she had gripped in her hand. Dawn took a deep breath, put a smile on her face and walked over to the bed where Buffy was laying, propped up by pillows against the headboard. Dawn stood there for a couple of minutes watching, Buffys eyes were filled with tears and slightly glazed from the alcohol. She kept turning her head from side to side, searching the room for something. Her lips were moving and she was mumbling something in a faint whisper.

Dawn leaned in close to Buffy until she was able to hear and understand what she was saying. In a whisper filled with pain she heard Buffy whisper, “Please Spike, please come back. Please, you promised you wouldn’t leave me again. Please, please come back, I love you, please come back.” Buffy kept whispering this over and over as her eyes searched the room looking for Spike.

The stab of pain that Dawn felt in her heart after hearing Buffys words nearly broke her. Tears came to her own eyes but she refused to shed them. Dawn knew she had to be strong if she was going to help Buffy and letting herself cry right now wasn’t going to help anyone. Taking a deep breath and swallowing down her own pain she moved up close to Buffy and reaching out with her right hand she gently placed it against the left side of Buffys face. She didn’t try to prevent Buffy from turning her head from side to side, nor get in the way as she brought the bottle of whiskey to her lips again. She just kept a light but constant contact as she started speaking quietly to Buffy.

“Spike loves you Buffy. Spike loves you more than anything else in the world. If Spike promised he wouldn’t leave you, then he’s still here Buffy. Spike wouldn’t break his promise to you. Spike loves you Buffy. Spike loves you so much. More than anything else, Spike loves you the most. Spike’s still here Buffy, he promised he wouldn’t leave you. Spikes still here because he loves you Buffy.”

Dawn kept repeating these same thoughts and words over and over again. For several long minutes while Dawn spoke to her, Buffy continued her whispered plea to Spike to return to her. Eventually Dawns words seemed to penetrate her thoughts and she stopped moving her head from side to side and focused her eyes on Dawn. The glaze seemed to lift from her eyes as her focus sharpened. Buffy stopped her whispering and started listening to all of Dawns words. Buffy listened to Dawns reassurances of Spikes love for several minutes without moving or reacting in any way. Suddenly her breath seemed to catch in her throat and a fresh flood of tears poured from her eyes. Buffy laid there crying and gasping for breath as Dawn continued to tell her how much Spike loved her and that he would never leave her again.

Slowly Dawn moved from standing next to Buffys bed to sitting on it, her hip was tight up against Buffys thigh. She kept constant contact with her right hand against Buffys left cheek. She used her left hand and softly brushed her fingers over and through Buffys hair. She never stopped talking to Buffy, never stopped telling her how much Spike loved her.

It took several minutes before Buffy had her breathing back under control and wasn’t gasping for air any longer. The flood of tears had lessened, but the occasional tear still ran down her face. Looking up into Dawns eyes Buffy tried to speak. At first her voice was more of a croak than anything else, “It hurts.” Buffy tried to clear her throat by taking a small sip of whiskey. When she started speaking again the croak was gone, but there was a raspy tremor to her voice. “It hurts, so much, Dawnie. When he was gone, I didn’t want to go on living without him. I just wanted to be with him. I started seeing him just before Christmas. I thought he was just an hallucination, because of the drinking. But I didn’t care Dawnie, because just seeing him made me feel happy. Last week, when I got hurt, he started talking to me and I could hear him for the first time. He told me that the reason I could hear him was because I really needed him, to help me.” Buffy took another small sip of whiskey, then started talking again, “Spikes the one who told me to call you for help. I didn’t know what to do. He told me that your phone number was in the memory dial. I didn’t know that Dawnie, honest I didn’t. He’s been with me most of the time since then. He has to go back, to where he is, everyday. But he’s come back everyday too. But I need him now Dawnie, and he hasn’t come back.”

A fresh flow of tears started running down Buffys cheeks and she started to sob again. Dawn leaned forward and kissed Buffy on the forehead. As she pulled back the tears that she could no longer hold back ran down her cheeks. “He’ll be back Buffy. Spike loves you. He promised that he wouldn’t leave you again, didn’t he? You know that Spike doesn’t like to break his promises. He’ll be back, because he promised, and because he loves you.”

Dawn continued to talk to Buffy, calming her down, helping her to get herself under control. While she was talking to Buffy, Dawn heard the bathroom door open behind her. She didn’t look back, she didn’t stop talking, she didn’t move her hands away from Buffy or stop trying to sooth her. Dawn kept talking and touching until Buffy stopped crying and was breathing normally again. When she thought the time was right, speaking just a little louder than before, she said “Buffy, about what Willow said to you.” Dawn noticed immediately a tightening in Buffys face. “Buffy, she’s really sorry that she hurt you or upset you. She didn’t mean to do that, honest. I think it was just, … when you mentioned Tara, she kind of lost it. You know how much you love Spike, right? How much you missed him? Well, I think Willow is still the same way about Tara. Tara has been gone a long time now, but Willow, she still loves Tara, and misses her, just like you missed Spike.” Dawn felt the tightness leaving Buffys face and her eyes seemed to soften. Dawn felt a slight nod of Buffys head, as if to signal that she understood what Dawn had just said and agreed. “Willow would like to apologize to you, for upsetting you. Will you let her do that? She really is sorry Buffy.” Dawn could feel Buffy nod her head slightly in agreement, and without raising her voice to much, she said “Willow.”

Dawn could hear Willow moving across the floor quickly and saw her move into place on the opposite side of the bed from her. She looked over and could see that Willow had stopped crying, but her eyes were still red and puffy. She could also tell how nervous Willow was, her shoulders were hunched together, both arms were pulled in tight against her chest and both hands were clenched together to keep them from shaking. Dawn looked back at Buffy and could tell that Buffy was seeing the same nervousness that she was seeing. Dawn sat back and let her left hand settle in her lap, she moved her right hand down from Buffys face and let it settle on Buffys stomach. With her hand on Buffys stomach Dawn let her thumb start moving, just a little, back and forth. The movement was a constant reminder to Buffy that Dawn was there with her, holding her, loving her.

When Willow first tried to speak to Buffy she was so nervous all that she could get out of her mouth was a little squeak. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Bu… Buffy, I… I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or hurt you, I’m sorry.” As Willow looked at Buffy for a sign that she was forgiven, the anxiety she was feeling was clearly written on her face. A small brief smile touched Buffys lips and in a quiet voice she said, “It’s okay Willow. I’m sorry too. I guess I shouldn’t have told you what Tara said to Spike. I didn’t know it would upset you so much.”

“No, no, Buffy” Willow said in a rush. “It wasn’t what Tara said that upset me, it was you saying she talked to Spike that upset me.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth Willow knew she had said the wrong thing. Dawns head had snapped to the side and she was staring at Willow with a frown on her face. Buffys face had gone stiff and she had turned her face away from Willow.

“Oh Goddess, Buffy” Willow said in a hurry. “That’s not what I meant, not the way it sounded. It wasn’t that Tara talked to Spike that upset me, it was that she won’t talk to me.” The pain that was in Willows voice had it’s effect on both Buffy and Dawn. Buffy turned her head back so that she could again see Willows face. A question was clearly written in her eyes. The frown had slipped away from Dawns face, but was replaced with puzzlement. When Dawn spoke she only said one word, “Explain.”

Willows nervousness seemed to increase before their eyes as they watched her. Fresh tears formed in her eyes, her bottom lip started to tremble, and she was twisting her fingers together so tightly that there was a real danger of her hurting herself. Dawn raised her hand from Buffys stomach and reaching over grabbed Willow hands and pulled them apart. She kept hold of one of Willows hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Tell us what you meant to say Willow. Explain it to us so that we can understand.”

Willow reached out with her free hand and fisted a handful of the sheet on Buffys bed. With tears running down her face and her voice shaking, she tried to talk. “Bu… Buffy, Daw… Dawnie, please!” she gasped out. “I… I… I’ve be… been try… trying to ta… talk to… to… to talk to Ta… Tara for over a year now, an… and sh… she wo… won’t talk to me.” Willow then seemed to collapse in on herself and sank to the floor on her knees. With Dawn still holding on to her hand she ended up with her face buried against Buffys thigh, crying and sobbing, out of control.

Watching Willow cry, seeing the pain she was in, Buffys heart moved her to help her friend. Setting the whiskey bottle on the night stand, freeing her hand, she reached over and brushed her fingers over Willows hair and made little soothing sounds to try to ease Willows pain.

Dawn watched Buffy trying to sooth Willows pain away and the love she felt for Buffy seemed to grow ever larger. The fact that just barely twenty minutes before Buffy herself was in so much emotional pain that she needed to be soothed and reassured by Dawn, and now here she was trying to help Willow with her pain. A big smile spread across Dawns face as she watched Buffy. A strong sense of reassurance spread through Dawn that someday, maybe even soon, Buffy would heal and be her old self again. With that thought crossing her mind, Dawn reconsidered. She didn’t want Buffy to be her old self again, she wanted her to be a stronger new self.

It took nearly fifteen minutes before Willow cried herself out and had herself under control again. Dawn was certain that it would have taken a lot longer if it hadn’t been for Buffy soothing her with soft words and a gentle touch. Dawn holding Willows hand had probably contributed a little also. When Willow finally lifted her head, her eyes were red and puffy, but they were dry. Her breathing was back to normal and she seemed to have herself under control again.

Buffy, seeing Willows tear streaked face, gently caressed the side of her face, then reached over and took the hand that was fisted in her sheet into her own hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. In a calm, gentle voice, Buffy spoke to Willow. “Tell us the rest of it Willow. Tell us about Tara, and trying to talk to her. Tell us why it upsets you so much.”

For a few moments a look of both fear and panic flashed across Willows face and in her eyes. Shutting her eyes tightly and clenching her jaws she fought back her emotions. When she opened her eyes again, she looked Buffy in the eyes and saw an openness there that had been missing for a very long time. Giving both Buffy and Dawns hand a squeeze, she released their hands, and placing her hands on the bed she pushed herself up off her knees. She then used one of the sleeves of her extra extra large UCLA sweatshirt and wiped the tear tracks from her face. Pulling the sweatshirt up, it was so big it went all the way down to her knees, she reached into the front pocket of her jeans and pulled out a fist full of tissues. Taking one of the tissues she used it to blow her nose. Then not knowing what to do with the used tissue she pulled the sweatshirt back up and stuffed the used tissue back into her pocket.

Buffy and Dawn both watched Willow, knowing she was stalling for time while she pulled herself together and calmed down. Neither of them minded the delay, knowing Willow needed it. When she had herself in order, Willow looked back up to Buffys face. Buffy smiled at her and held out her hand toward Willow. Reaching out, Willow took Buffys hand with her right hand and sat down on the bed, placing her hip firmly against Buffys thigh. Dawn reached out and took Willows left hand in her right hand, giving it a slight squeeze, then letting both of their hands come to rest lightly on Buffys stomach.

Looking at the three of them, Buffy propped up in Spikes narrow bed. Dawn and Willow each sitting on opposite sides of the bed, up tight against Buffy. Buffy holding one of Willows hands while Dawn held the other. There was an intimacy, a level of comfort, a closeness, that is rarely seen, except amongst the very best of friends, or sisters.

Willow took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. She glanced over at Dawn and saw a gentle smile on her lips. Looking at Buffy she saw the same smile, one of love and understanding. She gave both of them a shy smile in return, squeezed both of their hands, and then started talking.

“Last year, when I was still down in Brazil, with Kennedy. I met an old shaman that could talk to the spirits of his peoples tribe. He’d learned it from his father, who learned it from his father, who learned it from his father, and on and on, back hundreds of years. The shamans son had been killed by demons, before Kennedy killed the demons. So there wasn’t anyone for him to pass his knowledge on to, and when he dies the knowledge will be lost to his tribe forever. He has a grandson, but he’s to young to learn how to do the meditations and trance that’s required, he’s just a little boy. I did a paper on it for my Anthropology class and got an A+.” Willow gave a big smile to both Dawn and Buffy, then realized she’d gotten a little off track.

“So, anyway, when I learned about what the shaman could do, I asked him to try to contact Tara, and he agreed to do it. I was with him all the way through his meditations and when he went into his trance. I could feel it, the power he was tapping into, it was really strong. I could sense it when he crossed the barrier into heaven. It was just like Buffy said that heaven was like, all warm and peaceful. I even felt it when he found Tara. I could feel her Buffy. Goddess, she felt so happy. But as soon as she felt our presence, or maybe it was just my presence, the connection was broken, like slamming a door shut. I begged the shaman to try again, but he refused. He told me that he couldn’t force his way into the spirit world, the spirit world had to let him in peacefully. He told me that the spirit world that Tara is in is different from the spirit world that his people are in, and that maybe that was why the door had been shut, because he didn’t belong in Tara’s spirit world.”

A single tear broke free and ran down Willows cheek, but she didn’t loose control. Taking a deep breath she got herself back in order. “So, anyway, again. I talked the shaman into teaching me the meditations and the trance state that was needed to contact the spirit world on my own. He didn’t want to do it at first. I think he thought I would try to force my way into heaven and force Tara to talk to me. Not that I could really do that, or that I would even try, but I think he wasn’t so sure. But, eventually I talked him into it by promising to come back to his tribe when his grandson is old enough and teaching him the meditations and the trance, so that he could continue to contact the spirit world for their tribe. See, the shaman is really old and he’s afraid that he’s going to die before the boy is old enough to learn from him.”

“By the time I’d learned the meditations and stuff, Kennedy had finished off the demons that were terrorizing the shamans tribe, so we went back to Belem, that’s where we were living at the time. I kept practicing the meditations and getting into the trance state, but didn’t try to cross over into heaven or contact Tara. I was waiting for the right time. Well, actually I was waiting for a time that I thought Kennedy would be out all evening, because it upset her if I ever mentioned Tara. That’s what broke Kennedy and me up, she came home while I was still in the trance. I’d crossed over into heaven and I found Tara, but she wouldn’t talk to me.”

Tears started running down Willows face again, but she kept hold of herself, mainly because of the contact she had with both Buffy and Dawn, they kept the pain from overwhelming her. “See, when Kennedy got home she heard me begging Tara to talk to me. When I first found Tara she felt so happy, but once she realized I was there she started to feel like she was sad. She didn’t break the contact, but she wouldn’t talk to me, I don’t know why? In the trance I was talking out loud, I don’t know why I was doing that either, because the contact was really all taking place inside my mind. But what Kennedy heard was me telling Tara that I loved her and missed her so much and that I needed her. Kennedy, of course, blew up and broke the trance. We got into a huge fight and I told her that I did love her, but that I could never love her the way that I still loved Tara. The next day I made arrangements and flew back to London.”

“After that time in Brazil I’ve tried to contact Tara two other times. Once in London and once since I’ve been back here in L.A.. Each time I’ve found her, she seemed so happy, until she realized that I was present, then I could feel the sadness taking over her, and she refused to talk to me.” The tears were flowing heavily down Willows face by then and her voice was being overcome by her emotions. “Th… That’s what up… upset me, Buffy. No… Not that Ta… Tara was talking to Spi… Spike, but that sh… she wo… won’t talk to m… me!”

Willow lost all control of herself then and releasing both Buffys and Dawns hands she bent over and buried her face against Buffys breasts and held on to her with both hands as she cried. Buffy wrapped her one arm around Willow and hugged her in tightly. Dawn started brushing her hand up and down Willow back, trying to help sooth her. There were tears in both Buffys and Dawns eyes now, tears for the pain they knew Willow was feeling.

It was then, right in the middle of all this emotional drama, while Dawn was trying to blink the tears out of her eyes that she saw Spike, or thought she did. He was standing next to the bed, a look of sadness on his face and tears in his own eyes. When Dawn made a gasping sound he glanced up from looking at Willow and saw her staring at him and gave her a little smile. Dawn, trying to see better, quickly tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but by the time she could see clearly, Spike was gone.

Buffy had bent her head down as she whispered quietly to Willow, trying to calm and sooth her. She’d heard Dawn make a slight gasp a few moments earlier, but hadn’t paid it any attention, she was so focused on Willow. When she heard Dawn speak quietly, but with a sense of awe in her voice “Buffy?”, she lifted her head to see what was the matter and saw Dawn looking not at her or Willow, but at the other side of the bed, over the top of Willow. Buffy turned her head and saw Spike standing there.

Dawn had turned toward Buffy when she saw her turn her head toward where Dawn thought she’d seen Spike. The smile that came to Buffys face was brilliant , it was as if she started to glow, she was so happy. Dawn heard her whisper “Spike! Your back!” and the new tears that started running from her eyes weren’t the tears of sadness for Willows pain any longer, they were the tears of joy.

Buffy laid back against the pillows and stared at Spike for a full minute or more, the big smile on her face never leaving. Without looking away from Spike for a moment she finally asked quietly, “Can you see him Dawnie?”

“No, not now” Dawn responded, her voice as quiet as Buffys had been. “But, I think I did, for a few seconds, maybe. Is he, I mean, was he crying?”

Buffy seemed to be listening to something and then her eyes kind of crinkled up and a short bark of laughter escaped her mouth. “Spike says he’s not some bloody poofter, getting all weepy. He says he just had something in his eye, dust or something.”

A smile spread across Dawns face, but it quickly turned into a wicked grin. She tilted her head to one side a little and raised one eyebrow in a way that was almost identical to the way Spike use to look at people when they said something really dumb. “Well, you just tell Spike that there isn’t any dust around, not since Willow and I cleaned the place. And, remind him that I’ve seen him cry before and I never once thought that made him a poofter. Angels the poofter, and a wanker, and a ponce too.” Dawns last sentence was said with such determination and a look on her face that clearly said that she was right, and she didn’t want to hear any arguments about it.

Buffy probably should have been upset by the words that Dawn had used, but in her head and her heart she wasn’t, because she agreed with Dawn wholeheartedly. Besides that, Spike was laughing his head off. Buffy smiled and started laughing. “He’s laughing Dawnie. He said, ‘Finally, someone who agrees with him.’” Buffy told her through her laughter.

Willow, who had stopped crying several minutes earlier but had continued to hold on to Buffy because of the comfort it gave her, raised her head from Buffys chest. She had heard Buffy and Dawn talking, but it had taken her a bit to realize that they were talking about Spike. Her first sight was of Buffys face and she could see how happy she seemed to be. Raising herself up to a sitting position she looked at Dawn and could tell that she was feeling happy about something too. Willows face was still all red and blotchy, her eyes were blood shot and her eye lids were puffy. She was still feeling pretty miserable about what she had just confessed to Buffy and Dawn, but seeing them both in such a happy mood seemed to lift her up out of her own sorrow. When she spoke her voice was all croaky and phlegmy, but her curiosity wouldn’t allow her to stay silent. “Did I miss something?”

“Spikes back” Dawn told her with a smile.

“Where” Willow asked?

“He’s standing right next to you” Buffy told her.

Willow, not even thinking about it, reached out with her hand in the direction Buffy had indicated.

Buffys eyes got wide for a moment and then she burst out into loud laughter. “Will, you’ve got your hand in the front of Spikes pants. I think he likes it, cause he’s smirking.”

Willow jerked her hand back as if she had been burned and her face turned a bright red from embarrassment. When Buffy continued to laugh and Dawn started laughing too, she got a pouty look on her face. “Hey, not funny, ‘gay’ here, remember.” When Dawn continued to laugh and Buffy started laughing even harder, Willow blushed again. “Okay, maybe a little, but still, ewww” Willow finally said as an embarrassed smile spread across her lips.

Buffys laughter suddenly cut off sharply and her eyebrows bunched up in a frown and a pout came to her lips. When she spoke there was a touch of jealousy in her voice. “I don’t think so Mister” she said sharply. “If anyone’s going to be sticking their hands in your pants after your solid again it’s going to be me, and no one else.” Only after the words were out of her mouth did Buffy realize what she had just said out loud and her face got as red as Willows had been just a few moments earlier.

Willow wasn’t sure what Buffy had been responding to, and she was certain that she didn’t want to know. Moving quickly she jumped off the bed next to Buffy and hurried around the bed so that she was standing next to Dawn, but with Dawn between her and Buffy.

Dawn didn’t know what had prompted Buffys change in behavior or her words either, but was just as certain as Willow that she didn’t want to know. Instead of sitting there, causing more embarrassment for Buffy, Dawn got off the bed also and turning took Willow by the arm and gently led her away toward the kitchen. When they got to the kitchen Dawn nudged Willow toward the bathroom. “Why don’t you go wash your face while I start dinner.” Just as Willow got to the bathroom door, Dawn called out, her voice excited and full of happiness, “What do you say to microwaved fried chicken and macaroni and cheese. We can have chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert?”

**** (09/05)