ItHurtsP8

It Hurts (So Bad) - 8

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It was the image of Spike smiling at her that woke Dawn up five hours later and made her sit straight up in her bed. She hadn’t really processed what she had seen earlier, she had just felt safe knowing Spike was looking out for Buffy. Almost immediately she told herself that she hadn’t really seen Spike, she had just dreamed she had seen him. What with Buffy talking to Spike and saying Spike was proud of her the night before it was probably just her imagination. But Dawn stared at the end of Buffy’s bed and around the room carefully for ten minutes before she finally told herself she was just tired and got out of her bed.

The apartment was still dark, except for the one light they had left burning in the bathroom to see by. Being a basement apartment without windows meant that no sunlight ever entered the place. When picking a place to live it had made sense for Spike to pick a place like this, vampire and sunlight not mixing very well. But sometimes Dawn wished that there were windows to see out and be able to open and let in some fresh air. Well there was one window, in the bathroom, a small one with the glass painted over black. It was high on the wall over the toilet and faced out into the back alley. Dawn had forced the window open once shortly after Buffy had moved herself into Spikes apartment. But it only took a few minutes of smelling a garbage dumpster, mildew and rotting (whatever it was that was rotting and smelled so bad) for her to decide that was not the window to open ever again for fresh air.

Quietly Dawn set about making a pot of fresh coffee. While it was perking she went over to the bags she had brought with her the night before and dug out a plastic bag full of packets of sugar, sugar substitute and creamer. It also contained small bottles of mint, vanilla and almond extract and a small can of ground cinnamon. Dawn liked her coffee flavored and her current flavor was rich creamy coffee with a touch of almond. She knew that Willow preferred coffee with creamer with a little vanilla and a dash of cinnamon. She got two mugs out of the cabinet and prepared them with the proper ingredients and waited for the coffee to finish perking. Dawn used one sugar substitute and one creamer for Willows coffee, but she used four sugars and six creamers for her own. She just wished there was a way for her to whip it up all frothy and yummy like at Starbucks.

It was the smell of the fresh coffee that woke Willow up and drew her to the kitchen like a moth to a flame. The two of them stood quietly in front of the coffee pot sipping their coffee and talking in whispers so that they wouldn’t wake Buffy. Willow was in the bathroom washing up and getting dressed when Buffy started moving and waking up. Dawn heard her making little noises and hurried over to her still holding her second cup of coffee in her hands. As she stood there watching she saw Buffy’s nose twitching like a little bunnies. When her eyes opened she looked up at Dawn and smiled at her.

“Something smells yummy” Buffy mumbled sleepily.

“You want some?” Dawn asked quietly as she moved up next to Buffy and raised the mug up to her lips and let her take a sip.

Buffy did take a sip and then laid there licking her lips. “Mmmm, good! More!” she mumbled as she raised her hand to Dawns to guide the mug back to her lips and took another sip. Dawn stood there happily feeding sips of coffee to Buffy with a big smile on her face as she looked down on her.

When Willow came out of the bathroom and Buffy first saw her she tensed up for a moment, and then relaxed. Willow walked over to the bed and stood on the opposite side of it from Dawn. She didn’t say anything for a few moments and then said shyly “Hi Buffy!”

Buffy looked up at Willow, her face relaxed and soft from sleep, and replied quietly “Hi Willow!”

Dawn watched Willows face brighten up joyfully at just the two words Buffy had spoken to her. Willow started to say something, as if she was going to gush out every thought in her head and heart, then stopped herself and just smiled her biggest, happiest, smile at Buffy instead.

Dawn continued to offer sips of coffee to Buffy and she continued to drink them. She didn’t really feel like saying anything, she just felt kind of good, relaxed, peaceful. When she had enough of the coffee she pushed the mug away, but smiled up at Dawn to show her that she wasn’t pushing her away. Dawn smiled at her and finished the remaining coffee in the mug herself.

The rest of the morning went quietly and they got Buffy to talk a little and eat some more of the donuts from the day before. It wasn’t until she needed to use the bathroom again and had to be helped by Dawn and Willow to get there and then back to her bed again that she started going quiet and withdrawn. Halfway through the afternoon she tried to turn in the bed to reach for the half full bottle of whiskey sitting there. Dawn was at her side immediately and Buffy was prepared to argue with Dawn to get the bottle, but Dawn didn’t say a word. She just took the cap off the bottle and handed the bottle to Buffy with a smile, then sat back down in her chair at the foot of Buffy’s bed and started reading a book.

The rest of the afternoon Buffy drank from the bottle, steadily, but not heavily. It took her until the middle of the evening before she needed a fresh bottle and it was given to her without any fuss. During the evening they had even convinced Buffy to eat half a sandwich and a cupcake.

Around nine Buffy started talking to Spike again. Twice Dawn heard Buffy saying ‘I love You’. At a little past midnight Buffy seemed to focus in on the real world around her. Looking around the little apartment she could see Willow sitting on the floor using the small coffee table as a desk as she typed away on her laptop. When she brought her eyes back to Dawn she smile at her.

Dawn had been sitting at the foot of Buffy’s bed since she started talking to Spike, trying to understand where Buffy’s mind was taking her by hearing one side of their strange conversation. Several times Buffy had smiled and seemed truly happy for a moment or two, once tears had slowly run down her cheeks.

Looking at Dawn, Buffy said “Did you know that Spike wanted to be a poet once? Back when he was living. He says he wasn’t very good though…… He said his mother liked his poems, so that proves they weren’t very good….. I’ll bet he was good. He would always say the nicest things to me when I would let him….. I liked listening to his voice. I never told him though…… I never did tell him the things I wanted too. I would have these thoughts in my head but I could never seem to get them out……… You know, when I finally did, when I told him I loved him, he didn’t believe me.”

Slow tears started running down Buffy’s cheeks as she stared pass Dawn at the foot of her bed. “But it’s okay now. He believes me now. He said he’d never leave me again.” Buffy closed her eyes with wet tears still on her cheeks and a sad smile on her lips and fell to sleep.

Dawn got up quietly from her chair and walked over to her sleeping bag. She laid down on it and burying her face in her pillow she started crying. Her whole body shook as she cried silently into her pillow. She drew herself up into a tight ball of pain and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore. When she was finally able to unclench her body and look up from her wet pillow she saw Willow watching her with silent tears running down her face.

***

Dawn and Willow both slept like the dead, or emotionally exhausted anyway. Dawn woke up a few minutes before ten and got up to see how Buffy was doing. When she got over to the bed Buffy was already awake and smiled at her as she approached.

“Morning sleepy head” Buffy said quietly.

“Morning Buffy” Dawn said as she took Buffy hand in hers and gave it a little squeeze.

Buffy returned the squeeze and looking up at Dawn said “You know, that coffee you had yesterday, do you think I could have some this morning?”

“Ten minutes, give me ten minutes and I can have it ready, okay” Dawn replied excitedly.

“Sure” Buffy replied, “there’s no hurry.”

Dawn was gone in a flash over to the kitchen. Buffy laid there watching her bustle about measuring out the coffee, putting water in the pot and starting the coffee brewing. She watched Dawn get mugs out of the cabinet and pour packets of sugar and creamer and other things into the cups, and then stand there impatiently waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. Tapping her toe on the floor as if that would make the coffee brew faster. When the coffee was done she carried two mugs of the steaming coffee over to the bed and handed one of them to Buffy. Dawn pulled up the chair from near the foot of the bed and sat down next to Buffy and started sipping on her own cup. Buffy slowly sipped at her coffee and licked her lips between sips.

“This is so good, there must be a million calories in each cup” Buffy said with a smile.

“Like you couldn’t use a few more calories” Dawn said jokingly, and then realizing what she had just said got a shocked look on her face as if she were afraid she had just said something to hurt Buffy’s feelings.

Buffy looked at Dawn and smiled at her. “You know your right. I think I might even have a second one, if you make it as good as this one.”

“Oh, I will” Dawn replied enthusiastically “I’ve got it down to an art form. I know just the right amount of ingredients. Of course it would really be a lot better if we had real cream and one of those little machines to whip it up all frothy, like they do at Starbucks. But hey, this is pretty good for a girl that can’t cook.”

“Well in the Buffy world this is cooking and it tastes pretty good to me” Buffy replied and they both laughed a little and went back to drinking their coffee.

The smell of coffee and laughter woke Willow up at last. She rolled out of her bed on the couch and headed straight for the coffee pot. When she got there she found a mug with all the right ingredients waiting for her and just had to add the coffee and stir. Once she had her first sip she turned and walked over to the foot of Buffy’s bed, right behind Dawn, and mumbled out a sleepy “Good Morning!” to both of them.

The rest of the morning went by in a flash of talking and talking. Dawn and Willow stayed away from any topic that they thought might upset Buffy in the least. Mostly they talked about Dawn and how she was doing at school. Dawn talked about a few girls at school that she had made friends with, and about a couple of cute boys she had met that she kind of liked. Willow talked about some of her classes and about a cute girl she had met and was trying to build up the nerve to ask out for coffee or something. Willow had broken up with Kennedy nearly a year before and hadn’t ventured out into the dating world yet. Buffy even added little anecdotes about the trials and tribulations of high school dating and laughed about the embarrassing moments.

They had a late brunch-lunch of donuts, cupcakes, corn chips, nachos with salsa and bean dip, and deli ham sandwich’s. When Buffy needed to go to the bathroom she didn’t get all embarrassed this time and let Dawn clean her up without turning all red. When they finished in the bathroom Buffy sat on a chair while Dawn and Willow stripped her bed and put fresh sheets on the bed and fresh pillow cases on the pillows. Buffy even let Willow comb and brush her hair while Dawn painted her toenails a bright red. The whole day seemed to fly by and everyone seemed to be happy.

It was after six when Buffy started withdrawing from them. When she sat up in bed and tried to turn herself so that she could reach for the bottle of whiskey that had been sitting on the nightstand all day, Dawn was right there beside her. Dawn didn’t say anything or make a fuss or a face or any other sign of disapproval. She just took the cap off and handed the bottle to Buffy and then made sure that she was situated in the bed so that she was comfortable and wouldn’t have to move around to much.

Buffy finished the half bottle she had and Dawn gave her a fresh one. She’d only drank a little from the fresh bottle when she started talking to Spike again. Her eyes were a little glassy and unfocused, but they moved about as if Spike were moving about the room. Most of the time though they were focused on the foot of the bed as if Spike were sitting there talking to her. She smiled, she laughed a few times, and once she blushed when she became aware that Dawn was sitting next to her bed.

Dawn moved away from the bed and joined Willow over on the couch. They made a list of things they needed from the store and Willow dug into her big carry-everything bag and pulled out a big fat roll of twenty dollar bills and handed a bunch of them to Dawn without even counting. Willow went back to working on something on her computer while listening for any sound from Buffy that she needed anything. Dawn left the apartment and drove to a better part of town to do her grocery shopping.

Two hours later Dawn got back and with the help of Willow it only took three trips to bring in everything she’d bought at the store. There was canned soups, spaghetti, bottled sauce, macaroni and cheese, canned vegetables, canned fruit, more coffee, ten pounds of sugar, two boxes of sugar substitute, fresh fruit, more snack food, fresh bread, cake, cheese, deli meats sliced thin, sandwich spread, mustard, butter, canned chili, fruit drink, orange juice, skim milk and 2% milk, a dozen assorted frozen dinners, plus microwave popcorn and a small microwave. Why Dawn had never thought of bringing Buffy a microwave before was a monstrous oversight. The microwave was the modern woman’s friend, that and precooked frozen dinners. No woman needed to slave away in a kitchen cooking ever again. Not as long as she had electricity and Lean-Cuisine.

Once they had put everything away in the cabinets and the refrigerator they tried out the new microwave and made popcorn. It was after midnight and they were sitting next to each other watching a movie on Willows laptop that she had downloaded off the internet. When Buffy made a loud sound they both nearly broke their necks getting to her as fast as possible. When they got there Buffy seemed to be in the real world and had a pout on her lips.

“Buffy, what is it? What’s wrong?” Dawn asked breathlessly, worry on her face and in the tone of her voice.

Buffy looked up at Dawn with the pout still on her lips and said “Spike wants me to get fat!”

“What? …. What?” Dawn asked in shock.

“Spike say’s I’m to skinny, that I need to put on weight” Buffy sail sulkily. “He said I need to eat more. Healthy stuff, and that I should stop smoking, it’s bad for my lungs. He laughed at me when I got mad at him!”

“Uuh, maybe Spikes right” Dawn said cautiously. “About the healthy stuff and smoking anyway. You don’t really like smoking and it is kind of smelly. We have all kinds of food now, I went shopping tonight and we have a whole lot of stuff you like.”

“Did Spike tell you to make me fat” Buffy asked and started pouting again.

“No Buffy, Spike didn’t say anything to me, honest” Dawn told her with a straight face. Willow was standing behind her with her hand clapped over her mouth to keep from laughing, which would not be a good thing for a pouty Buffy to hear right now. “I got it for Willow and me, cause we get hungry sometimes, but you can share it if you want, there’s plenty of it for all of us.”

Buffy grabbed the bottle of whiskey that was propped against her hip and thrust it out at Dawn to take from her. “I’m going to sleep” she said and closed her eyes.

Dawn went around and turned off all the lights except the one in the bathroom and a low watt light next to the couch. She sat down next to Willow and they both tried hard not to laugh, but when they heard Buffy mumble something about ‘getting fat’ in her sleep they had to grab pillows and bury their faces in them while they giggled out of control.

**** (12/04)