By Suzy
Copyright 1999
Jimmy sat there in stunned silence, tears falling down his cheeks as he realise exactly what his friend had done and effectively given up for him. He was ashamed to admit that he was, for the first time in his life scared. He was positive that Kid being his honourable and overprotective self, had decided not to tell Lou yet. Jimmy wasn't sure that he could look in the face, and not somehow let her know. After the days events, he knew that he couldn't betray Kid like that. If he didn't want Lou to know just yet, that was his decision and that was how it would stay.
Besides, Doc Barnes had warned them of Lou's delicate condition, he couldn't live with himself if something happened to Lou or baby because of anything he had said or done. It was bad enough that he was the cause of Kid's current dilemma. Standing, he wiped the tears from his face with both hands and tried to compose himself enough to face his family.
He quickly walked out of the room, once his decision not to tell Lou was made he wanted to get outside before he chickened out. As he opened the door, he quickly scanned the room looking for Louise. Finding her pale tearstained face he spoke gently to her
'Lou he's asleep again if you want to go in.' he stated knowing that she would want to be as close to Kid as she could be.
'Thanks Jimmy' she paused only to place a soft kiss on Jimmy's cheek as she hurried back to her husbands side.
Jimmy watched her go and then turned back searching the sad faces of his friends, his eyes full of tears. Tears he despised having in front of his friends. He looked apologetically at Rachel and seeing understanding in her eyes, he walked out of the doctors office and stalked down the street.
Teaspoon watched the young man who was so like himself in his youth leave the room, torn between following Jimmy to ease him through his pain and staying close to Kid, supporting him with the rest of the family, he looked to Rachel for guidance.
'I'll stay here, one of us will come and get you if theres a change, help him Teaspoon.' she murmured
Teaspoon didn't have to follow Jimmy, he knew exactly where he had gone, the same place he went whenever he was hurting. Walking to the back of the bunkhouse, he found Jimmy there shooting bottles and can off the top of a fence he use for target practice. Teaspoon stood there watching the boy he often thought of as a son. After the eighth time he reloaded, Teaspoon decided that enough was enough.
'Do you want to talk about it Jimmy?' he spoke quietly
'Talk about what?' he stated his voice full of pain and anger.
'The pain that is hurting you so bad.' Teaspoon calmly answered.
'Talk about what' he spun on Teaspoon, holstering his gun as he turned 'The fact that I have destroyed the lives of two people that I love. That I have destroyed probably the most honourable good and kind man that I know. Or maybe its the fact that two people who love each other so purely and so deeply are being forced apart because of me.' he looked up at Teaspoon his tear streaked face a testament to the suffering he was bearing.
'Now Hickock, if you expect me to understand all that, you are going to have to explain yourself to me.' Teaspoon shook his head not really understanding what he had heard. "Kid is going to be okay Jimmy, you heard Doc Barnes. What did he say to you to make you think differently?' Teaspoon knew that the crux of the problem was something that Kid had said to the troubled young man.
Jimmy shook his head, he didn't want to tell anyone of Kid's words but he knew that Teaspoon would help him through this difficult time.
'Jimmy, you can't keep this all bottled up inside you, maybe if you tell me I can help.' he tried to reason with him.
'Kid asked me to look after Lou and Katy for him' Jimmy started.
'That's probably a good idea since she's pregnant and all. And you know how he fusses over that horse.' Teaspoon replied trying to help Jimmy with his explanations.
'Teaspoon you don't understand, he wants me to look after them forever.' he looked into Teaspoon's face and waited for that news to sink in.
'Why would he want that Jimmy?' Teaspoon asked softly 'What does he know that we don't?' he murmured almost to himself.
'Teaspoon, he can't move his legs.' Jimmy turned away from Teaspoon and walked to the side of the bunkhouse, resting his head against the side of the building forlornly as Jimmy's news sank in.
'Does Lou know?' Teaspoon murmured unsure of how they would handle this new crisis.
'HOw was I supposed to tell her, I couldn't hurt her like that. Not when it is my fault. I may as well have shot him myself.' Jimmy once again berated himself.
'What the hell are you talking about Hickock?' Teaspoon tilted his hat back on his head and wiped his forehead.
'If he hadn't have been trying to save my worthless hide, he and Lou would be able to look forward to their baby and a long happy life.' Jimmy spoke his pained voice full of remorse.
'Jimmy, you've gotta stop beating yourself up. It's happened, the Good Lord decided that he didn't want either of you yet, so now we just have to deal with the hand you've all been dealt.' he paused waiting for that to sink in.
'Now I take it you told Kid you would look after Lou.' Jimmy nodded forlornly.
'Well I think it is high time you drag your sorry butt back to the doctors office and start fulfilling your promise to him and give that little girl the support you know she deserves from you.' Teaspoon ordered him and turned and walked away.
On to Chapter Five
