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journal - june 20016.10.01ya know . . . it's kind of weird . . . graduation was two days ago, and it really doesn't seem like it actually happened . . . it's so weird . . . i've never felt this apathetic about anything before . . . i just don't care . . . i don't know if it's a good thing or not . . . hey i'm a graduate . . i should be happy . . i should be sad . . . i should be something besides what i am . . . this is so unlike me . . it's kind of scary . . people keep asking me how it feels . . and i don't know what to say . . because i don't feel anything . . . am i less of a person . . is there something wrong with me? . . . why do i not feel anything here?!!i usually look forward to these big events in my life, but there was just something different about this . . . i have no idea what it was . . but wouldn't you agree that that's a little odd? maybe depression is starting to take it's toll again . . i don't know . . i hate not having the answers . . and i hate feeling this way . . i wouldn't let on to any of this though . . . i don't want to be a blubbering fool you must understand . . i just want to feel something . . a hint that maybe i'll miss some of these people . . or i'll miss home . . . 6.05.01more reasons for disgruntlement . . . i went bowling yesterday and i sucked! for me anyway . . . and one day of school left . . . i don't want to go . . . i'm too lazy . . .anyway, saturday was prom . . . i don't know what i was expecting but i wasn't satisfied . . . i've never gone to a dance at my school and i don't much care for dancing anyway . . . i still have mixed feelings . . . these kinds of things make you realize what a complete loser you are . . . it think that's dumb, but it's true . . . i really have no feelings about graduation right now . . . even though it's on friday . . . it just kind of seems unreal to me any way i look at it . . . and as far as being "psyched" for college . . i'm not . . . that's too far away to worry about . . . i rarely plan more than two weeks ahead of time . . . but that's just me . . . some people like that sort of thing . . . i prefer not to think about it . . .
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