... * archive ...

journal - september 2001

09.15.01 (saturday) 2:10 pm

. . i don't know what the hell's going on . . or what went on, or what will be going on . . that's me . . completely oblivious . . there is a certain amount of bliss that can be found in ignorance . . i like to be there, occasionally . .

. . well, i guess the reason i'm going off on myself is that i don't understand myself . . why do i think the things i think . . why do i do the things that i do . . why am i the way that i am . . no wonder guys tend to keep their distance . . they get confused around me . . i'm a walking contradiction . . my previous journal entries didn't reflect my true feelings for luke . . i was very attached to him by the time i left . . i didn't think that there could ever be anyone else . . i was so determined to keep my eye single to the pursuit of my education . . but no, yet again . . i find myself fallin' for a really awesome guy . . this is exactly why i don't make long-term plans . . this is why there's no point in making promises . . i even brake the ones i make to myself . .

so, who is this new guy, you ask . . his name's bryan . . i met him thanks to wendy, who is the bestest friend i have here . . okay, so here's the story . . on our first sunday, all the guys in our ward took the girls to church . . well, actually, the girls ended up going to the guys dorm to pick them up . . what's up with that? . . anyway, i was with wendy and she just started talkin' to this random guy that she didn't know - at the time, i just figured she knew him from somewhere . . but apparently that wasn't the case - his name's kevin . . and he had his roommate with him - yes, that'd be bryan - and so the two of them walked wendy and i to church . . ever since then, kevin and wendy have been kinda seein' each other . . kevin really likes wendy . . but wendy is being irrational, in my opinion . . he tried to ask her to be his girlfriend last night . . and he totally got shot down! . . poor guy! . . anyway, back to me and bryan . . we both got dragged along on kevin and wendy's dates . . and , i don't know, i just started likin' the guy . . i mean . . he's hilarious . . he's a computer nerd . . way cute . . wendy's been trying to hook us up . . i can't have that . .

. . actually, i'm really proud of myself!! . . last night i called him up and proposed that we do something . . pool or whatever . . you know how that is . . and HE SAID YES!!! . . but all the pool tables and the ping-pong tables were being used in all the halls . . so we went for a walk around the campus and talked . . that was nice . . i actually know something about him now!! . . but anyway, we went to my hall (v hall) and played ping-pong for awhile . . he kicked my butt . . he was tryin' to give me some pointers . . but i'm a slow learner . . and then after that we played pool . . once against each other . . and a few times against this other couple . . we lost a couple of times - they didn't win . . we just lost - and then we finally won one . . we were done after that . . he shook my hand . . said thanks . . and left :( . . but i still came away with a satisfied feeling . . i'm not as much of a wuse as i thought i was . . my whole floor was like "how was your date?" . . when i got back last night . . i was like, "it wasn't a date." . . they didn't believe me . . and then they were like . . did he kiss you . . did he hold your hand . . and i was like . . of course not!! . . that probably would never happen . . and they were like, aah, that's so cute . . i'm like . . shut up . . . okay, i'm starting to sound like - wait . . starting to sound like - an airhead . . so, yeah . . anyway . .

. . if i want to spend time with bryan this week i'm not going to be able to depend on wendy at all . . cause she's made this bet that she can go a week without dating anyone . . i don't think she'll be able to do it . . but, yeah, either i ask bryan out, or i'm screwed . . well, i guess there's always the possibility that he could ask me to do something . . nah . . okay, i'm going to stop sounding like the president of his fanclub now . .

. . we'll . . meet again . . don't know where . . don't know when . . but i know we'll meet again . . someday . .

09.22.01 (saturday) 2:06 pm

me and bryan didn't go out at all this week . . the four of us (kevin, bryan, wendy and myself) have eaten a few meals together . . but that's it . . i was gonna ask bryan to do something last night . . but he went to a soccor game . . so when i called, kevin was there . . and i talked to him for awhile . . he had to vent to someone about wendy . . yeah, they've been having issues . .not going to go into it, though, 'cause it's not my place . . and i'm a little confused about it anyway . . so yeah, kevin and i had a nice little chat . . and then i went back to fiddling with my computer . . i was workin' on my calendar all day yesterday . . let me tell ya . . i was about ready to throw something through the screen . . but i finally figured out what the problem was . . it had nothing to do with a lack of skills . . the server's just stupid . .

until the next adventure . . .

09.29.01 (saturday) 10:44 am

so, yeah . . i've kind of given up on bryan . . yeah, i need to learn to face the reality of certain things . . one of those things being that guys i like - DON'T LIKE ME! . . it seems like a very simple concept . . and yet, so very hard to accept . . anyway, i'm moving on . . bryan and i are just friends . . whatever . . anyway, so last night i was really, really bored . . and i had nothing to do except sit in front of my computer . . surprise, surprise . . so i was talkin' to aaron hickson on im (my wards secretary) . . and he was tellin' me that i should just go through the ward list and call guys . . and i was like . . eh . . not my style . . so i asked him if paul was around (paul is a guy in my fhe group . . ) and aaron hunted him down and made him promise to call me . . can you believe that? . . i was like, "YOU DID WHAT?" . . . at first i thought he was just messin' with my head . . but sure enough . . paul called me a little while later . . we went and played pool . . i kicked his trash EVERY game . . the poor guy . . i felt kinda bad . .

i think that's pretty much it . . not much else to say . . other than the fact that i'm getting pretty sick of rootbeer . .

oh, hey . . i forgot to talk about our family home evening activity . . that was monday . . there's like, 12 or 14 of us . . but only, like 11 showed up . . but anyway, we played this get-to-know-me game where we had to write down 3 things about ourselves that no one else would know . . and then we had to guess who it was . . mine were . . "my friends back home call me 'tasty'" . . "i like cheese" . . and "i drink rootbeer like there's no tomorrow" . . yep, i took 'em awhile . . after that . . we played charades . . woop-it-dee-doo . . . my least favorite game ever . . some of those things were torture, too . . like, whoever guessed correctly had to go next, so when you didn't want to go, you just didn't say anything . . so the poor soul would be up there makin' a fool out of themselves for forever and a day . . i was laughing SO HARD! . . . paul's roommate, steve, had to be a gay man . . that was funny . . we never heard the end of it . . there were a lot of monty python references . . those were hilarious . . there was another fhe group that had one of those blow-up things that they have at carnivals that you can jump around in . . you know . . for the kids . . apparently, on of their girls owns it . . isn't that crazy?

anyway, i think that i'm done now . . no more to say . .