A long, long time ago, way back before they had invented any of the really cool electronic products, there was a small band of hard working, sarcastic, old and grumpy employees. These fellows were employed by a company that billed itself as a world-class establishment because it had made it onto the Fortune500 though it had just made it by the skin of its teeth. These unlucky employees had the misfortune of spending too much time on break and had been accused of stealing from the company. Time is money and stealing time is just as bad as stealing physical items such as paper clips, pens, and post-it notes. Which brings us to the question of how can one actually steal time. The only thing that the narrator of this tale can figure is that one must take possession of time that is at some point in the future since one cannot steal the past because it is already gone and does not exist anymore. But once the time that had been stolen had passed, one is left with nothing since the time was now gone... Anyhow back to this tragic tale of woe and the theft of things that will at some point vanish. Upon the written notification that these working class heroes had stolen time, it was decided by the Evil Unofficial Leader that from this day forward and for all eternity (except for the period of time that had been stolen) no gifts from the mother corporation would be accepted by any of the members of this band of merry employees.
One day, a more recent point in time when some way cool electronic devices had been invented but before the new small iPods had been produced and at a point in the time line that had not been stolen, the mother corporation felt that due to the vast sums of money the employees had been responsible for bringing into the company, there was to be a party where plenty of food and much merriment would be provided to those responsible for moving the company up the Fortune500 list. So the day came when the refrigerators where filled to the limit with lunchmeats of countless varieties and textures, and the selections that had been set aside for these braves martyrs went untouched. This caused the members of lower-middle management to become upset because the offering was not appreciated by the employees. And there was much yelling and screaming and the use of naughty words under the breath of those who had organized the festive activities. And the Evil Unofficial Leader had another big red checkmark placed besides his official name as it appeared in his official personnel file that was safely locked and guarded from the prying eyes of the curious except for those individuals who enjoyed hacking the company's computer network.
And it was decided by those that can make such decisions that this would never happen again and the use of food as an incentive to work harder was probably a bad idea. And so nobody truly lived happily ever after. And the time that had been stolen had passed and therefore never existed.
