And so it came to pass in the days before today, I walked about through my personal ecosystem that I call my yard. And all the while I had the feeling that something was not quite right in my little corner of paradise. The more I thought about the way things were, the more I grew uncomfortable with the way things were and I knew that something was out of the ordinary...
It so happened on this one particular Tuesday, the weather was absolutely perfect. A few gentle clouds floated high above me and floated off to where clouds go when their time above me was done. The sun was shining like the first day I had ever seen it so many years gone by. The temperature was neither too warm nor was it too cold - it was perfect in every way. Even the cool breeze was perfection that could never be duplicated by the hands of man...
Surveying my surroundings as if a new light had shown down from the heavens I came to the conclusion that my yard was a dandelion forest, and the around were their little yellow and white heads peeking through the grass at me. They are stared at me as I came and went from the safety of my humble abode...
The forest stretched as far as the eye could see - primordial in its appearance. There was the smell of fear in the forest, a deep dark fear that pulls at the very fibers of one's soul - pulling, ever pulling like a rubber band stretched to its limit just awaiting the moment that it will break and fly apart in different directions...
And still I knew that this was my home and I shall not be forced from it by anything that lurks in the lands that surround the dwelling...
There they were - the yellow heads of youth and the white locks of those who have reached a great age. An army of a million strong that was threatening to devour all that surrounded me. There were those who were tall and their heads were far above the others and there were those whose heads just barely peaked above the grasses. There they were...
I knew they were watching me, planning for their attack upon me when I would be most vulnerable. They watched and waited and planned. They never left, they never wondered off to find somewhere that would have been far better for them to live. They had occupied my lands with out my permission and from the looks of it; they were never going to leave...
"HA-HA!" I said unto them as they watched me on that Tuesday afternoon. And I said it again, "HA-HA!" And though I waited for a reply, none was forth coming. And still I knew they were watching me, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike...
And then a calm came over me that was totally unexpected, and I felt at peace with the universe. And then I began to laugh, an evil laugh as if Satan had personally taken complete control of my soul. And I laughed some more the satanic laugh of ultimate evil. Then the laugh became a giggle, a giggle so intense that a squad of cheerleaders would be needed to duplicate the pitch and tone of the giggle...
Then from some dark little corner of my soul, a place that is rarely visited and never occupied for long, it came. "Off with their heads!" in a tone so dark and deep that the inner most ring of Hell could not contain the fury behind this words. The words came out with such force that it caused everyone and everything within earshot to stop and take notice of what I had spoken. The sun stopped dead in its tracks, the cool breeze quit blowing, and the gentle clouds just hovered overhead as if they had forgotten where they were going. All became still and quite - not a bird could be heard, all was silent...
A sharp jolt of electricity ran up my spine and caused all the hairs on the back of my neck to stand at attention. This was a time for decisive action. As the corners of my mouth curled into a big evil grin much like the Grinch when he thought he knew how to ruin the Who's Christmas, I sprang into action. The machine of war had been primed and a simple pull of the spring caused it to spring to life, filling the air with the smell of destruction and the fog of war...
So I grab the handle of the mower and I cut the freakin' grass...
