<song time>
Way down below Lake Erie...
Way down below the Lake...
She ate cake...
Well, maybe steak...
My mistake...
</song time>

Days turned to weeks, weeks into months as the Smart Ass learned all that was expected to be known by the captain of a frigate, a pirate frigate, and Paddy had set Clevel up with one of the finest, fastest, best armed frigates that this sector of space had ever known - the L.L. Smithe - though Clevel never did figure out what "L.L." stood for but he had a sneaky suspicion that it stood for "Luxury Liner".

When his captain's training was thorough and complete, Clevel and his crew set off upon their pirating and plundering and other groovy scurvy dog, shiver me timbers, yo, ho, ho, stuff. (Sorry, no bottle of rum, rum hadn't been discovered by Jean-Luc Biccardi yet but that is an entirely different story and has Absolut-ly nothing to do what so ever with Clevel and the Indians so it won't be told here).

On the first day at the helm of his mighty pirate frigate, Clevel knew that he would be a good pirate though he would later realize that he would become the Great Dread Pirate Clevel though he did not know this at the time since this was only his first day on the job and greatness is not born in a day or for that matter, greatness is often times not born in a life time. He was bound for glory and he didn't even know it.

A large percentage of the day was much as any other day is one happens to be the captain of a pirate frigate with many, "aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh's" and "Ahoy there, me hardy's" and much yo-ho-hoing and other groovy yet not very exciting pirate things. Until late in the afternoon when Number One who Clevel only knew as Number One and who never offered Clevel a name other than Number One, said with a much giddy excitement, "Unidentified vessel dead ahead, Captain."

"Prepare an intercept course for her," Clevel said with a great deal of excitement being that this was his first day and he had already happened upon a vessel in the middle of the universe for which he had reign to do what ever he wanted to do since he was the Dread Pirate Clevel and he could do such things.

And Number One did as he was instructed and set upon a course that would intercept this unlucky (or lucky depending on how one perceives historical events) vessel.

"Long Johnson, open up a communication channel with our target when we are within range to do so," Clevel ordered him with all the pomp and circumstance of a pirate upon his first day of duty.

And Long Johnson did so at the appropriate time. And Clevel - the Dread Pirate Clevel, Captain of the L.L. Smithe - gazed upon the viewing portal and thought for a brief instant that the captain of the doomed ship looked rather festive for a captain whose ship was about to be plundered, pillaged, raped, and other groovy pirate deeds. Once this crazy thought had left the brain of the pirate captain, Clevel said in his most commandeering voice, "Prepare ye to be boarded!" The words came out of his mouth, but Clevel thought that he could've stated it better though being a pirate; he decided that it was his right to speak in any manner that he deems appropriate at any given time.

"Please have mercy upon my soul and our women, Dread Pirate Clevel," the other captain said and then the viewing portal went blank for a brief moment and when the opposing captain returned to Clevel's view, he had a look of great distress that Clevel took to mean that he probably had a bodily function misfire unto his pants.

"Hhhhmmmm, strange he would know my name," Clevel thought aloud and then pressed the golden button that allowed him to communicate with the other captain and said in the fiercest tone he could muster, "Prepare to meet thy maker." Clevel removed his finger from the gold button and turned to Number One, "Prepare the boarding crew and launch when ready."

Clevel thought he should accompany the boarding crew being that this was his first day and he wanted to make sure that everything went prefect. He was more than a Wee bit nervous that his first day would end in disaster.

Once aboard the booty, Clevel made his way to directly to where he thought the bridge would be but not being familiar with a vessel of this design, it took him a longer period of time than he had expected. Upon reaching the bridge when he finally did reach it, Clevel looked about and thought to himself, "My what a fine looking and large booty this be."

The captain of this other vessel had a look about him as if he was please with all that had transpired and said to the Great Dread Pirate, "I give unto thee my sword, the ship is thine."

"Ye be a wise fellow," Clevel said unto the captain, "and as for this fine booty, boarding crew, commence to raping and pillaging."

The crew of the L.L. Smithe that had joined Clevel aboard this ship did as ordered. And raping and pillaging went about in a fine fashion. And the captain and crew of the booty ship looked pleased when it was over and all went back to their quarters and smoked cigarettes.

Traveling through space and time, Clevel and his hardly, uuuuuummmm, hardy band of pirates went about their jobs raping and pillaging, plundering and looting. But this day was different and seemed almost like a dream, but the Wise Ass knew better; he knew that he was awake, wide-awake in fact. He knew it to be true from the instant his little toe was greeted by the corner of his chest, his personal treasure chest that was filled to its limits with do-dads and gizmos from countless boardings.

"Unidentified vessel, sir," said Long Johnson Silverman (who's official title Clevel could never remember) with a wink that Clevel knew meant that this was a "good" unidentified vessel, thank you kindly.

There it was, the largest galleon Clevel had ever seen with no escort vessels... "No escort! This is indeed strange, nevermind," Clevel thought to himself. "Bring her about, Number One," he barked out the order that he must have given a thousand times.

"Ready the cannons, lads," Clevel ordered, "and on my order, fire a volley across her bow. Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh! A pirates life for me!"

About the L.L. Smithe went, drawing nearer to her prey and when she was within a goodly distant, Clevel said matter of factly, "This is a goodly distance, Number One, fire when ready."

And fire he did. He fire with vim, he fired with vigor, he fired like there was no tomorrow. He fired so hard that his index finger cracked the big red button. The ship shook and leveled Clevel and such are things of which great tales are born (this not being one of the greater of the great tales, but great none the less).

The galleon stopped dead in its tracks though it wasn't dead it never the less stopped. Clevel reached down and pressed the button that activated the communication link between the two ships. This was a very important task that he didn't trust anyone (other than himself that is) to undertake. In a voice that was very reminiscent of the voice for which the universe had grown to love; Clevel using the Force of the Kanooter Dance and not that other Force that was fictionalized much later in the history of the universe, Clevel bellowed, "Prepared to be boarded, ye lily-livered slimy sea slugs."

And all was silent for what seemed to be an eternity though if one had been watching the clock, it would've been more like a short time. For a brief instant before the captain of the galleon spoke, Clevel thought that he had heard cheering but he brushed this thought aside and concluded that it must have been screams of terror because he was the Smart Ass and he knew that things he concluded had to be factual. "Please, O Great Dread Pirate Clevel, do not hurt us for we be but lowly merchants and we shall not sacrifice ourselves for the non-worthy of thy greatness trinkets that we carry."

"This is quite interesting, adversary who is not... is not worthy of my mercy!" Clevel howled in a tone that even shocked the crew of the L.L. Smithe. "Number One, destroy these urchins and remove them from my sight!"

"Aye, aye, captain," was all the first officer could manage to say. He fired without the vim and vigor of the first volley, yet he managed to shatter utterly and completely the big red button.

In the instant before impact, the caption of the galleon managed to get off one last plea, "We thought this was only a show and..." The transmission ended with a bang so to speak.

"Is this there any trace of the galleon, Long Johnson?" Clevel asked of he who he could not remember his official title.

"Um... well, no sir," was all that Silverman could say when he gazed out into space.

The Indians stopped everything they were doing as if they had been frozen in time. An eerie quiet settle upon the crew and Clevel had a look as if he had been beaten about the head with four to six 16-ounce claw hammers. Then after an eternity had past, though not actually an eternity but quite a long time even to those who had clocks to look at, Clevel rose from his captains chair and shook his head. Those of the crew who were within a short distance of him would swear that they heard him say under his breath, "They thought is was only a show? By the Creators, I'll give 'em a bloody show to remember."

"Number One, set a course for Clevelandia. We're goin' home boys," said Clevel as he began to walk from the bridge. "Yes, I am fully aware that Clevelandia is no longer there, I'm not the Dumb Ass ya know."