Once upon a time, a very long time ago, at least a very long time in a relative kinda way but in comparison to the age of the universe, it wasn't that long ago, there was a small (relatively speaking) flea named Hector and Hector and his family which was quite large (in a huge kinda way) wanted to explore the wonders of cyberspace (which was only space in a non-universe sorta way since no planets or galaxies or stars live there). Chat rooms beckoned them, all of them (which was a large number of beckons being sent to the family of Hector). IRC was a-awaitin'. Guest book signings, guest book signings had to be done, a need a strangely erotica need to sign guest books so all the inhabitants of cyberspace knew, KNEW they were there.
Hector knew exactly what to do, he'd ask the Evil Wizard to to install AOL's 45,000 free hour disk in his family's computer which the Evil Wizard was more than glad to do, being evil and such. The Evil Wizard cast a spell on the installation program which sucked the souls out of anyone who looked for porn on the Internet. When the installation was complete, the Evil Wizard made tracks and got outa Dodge, so to speak.
Day upon day, Hector watched as more and more of his family members were transformed into zombie-esque thingies and he said to himself, "I must do something about this. These zombie-esque family members are absolutely no fun to be with at parties and family reunions." So Hector called up his friend Steve Case and said, "Steve, what am I to do, all my family is being turned into mindless wastes of space which isn't necessarily a bad thing but Daddy no longer goes to work and Mommy hasn't cooked up some blood pudding in days."
And Steve said, "It is the curse of the W3 bug. END OF THE WORLD!!! END OF THE WORLD!!!" and the phone line went dead.
"My, that was quite odd," Hector thought to himself and he hung up the phone and since his family had two phone lines, he knew that the W3 bug couldn't get to him.
Next Hector called up Tech-support which wasn't actually a friend and Hector had his doubts that Tech-support was even a living being but call he did. "Steve Case told me that the W3 bug was affecting my family and I was wondering what I can do to keep it from gettin' the rest of the young-unz," were the first words out of Hectors mouth after the usual "Hello" stuff which the writer of this story will not include since there is only a limited number of hours in the day and coffee supply must be replenished before a long drawn-out story can be put on down (Editor's Note: I ain't no damn secretary, dammit! If you can type it out, do so and stop buggin' me, K?).
There was a strange silence from Tech-support and after an unbearable pause, "Uuuummmm, OK, bye." And again the line was dead and Hector was dumbfounded.
"I'll try Sy-ad, he'll help me," and that's what Hector did. "I got the W3 bug," Hector said to Sy-ad (Editor's Note: see Editor's Note above for more information and stop buggin' me).
Sy-ad said in a trembling voice, "Thou shalt never mention that, never, never ever for the existence of that is denied in most circles and to speak of it upon a line which may be a carrier of the aforementioned unmentionable thingie isn't what thou shalt do. Okie-dokie, bubba?"
"Understood. What can be done to save us?" Hector was getting worried not that he wasn't already worried but now he was getting worried down to the very core of his being.
"Thou shalt remove AOL from thy computer and all traces of it (Editor's Note: hehehehe, good luck.) and thou shalt find thyself a real ISP and all of the necessary software shall be proved free of charge from many different sources but thou shalt find that out for thyself."
"What about WebTV?" replied Hector.
"Aaaaaiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee!!!!! No! No! No! No! Doth thee have any idea what the aforementioned unmentionable thingie is like when projected from a 36" screen?"
"No," Hector said matter of factly.
"Thou doth not want to know," Sy-ad said as if he had walked in on his parents engaged in a 69-kinda sex act.
And Hector did as instructed and normalcy (in a relative kinda way) was restored to his family and life went on and all lived happily or not ever after, amen.
