It has recently come to my attention that there is a popular opinion going around that, of all things, the world is. . .round. Confused am I by this. Who is to deny that good old Columbus founded America? And yet is it not true that in his notebooks we see that he actually used his powers to create a magical "thing" that teleported him to another world, flat like his own, which we live upon today? Indeed, his magic was such that many "scientists" today even doubt the existence of it. Who among us hasn't taken a shower? How else can you explain the water's being there than magic?

Remember the story of the gentle pillow bush. Once there was a gentle pillow bush. Its name was Ch'Ktith Tor A'thanoo, as all pillow bushes are named, but for the sake of expedience we shall call him Ed. Ed lived in a glossy meadow and had all he could ever want. The brook which ran nearby supplied him with just enough water that he didn't drown, the animals that lived around him did not harm him, and the humans that inhabited the meadow never overpruned him. But Ed was not satisfied. He desired something more. He thought: "If I could live in the meadow next to this one, life would be perfect." So he devised a plan involving a rock, a worm, a crow, and the human barbarian Chuck, and using this method he was able to be transplanted into the meadow next doors. But, woe for Ed, the meadow was terrible! The ground was too hard, the brook did not give him enough to drink, the animals chewed on his lower branches, and the humans pruned him early, claiming that they liked their pillows "soft." So life was terrible for Ed. Two weeks later Ed's old meadow burned to the ground, so it was a good thing he had escaped. The morale: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless of course the bird in your hand is on fire, in which case you can't be picky. Shikata ga ni!

Wesley Adams, Prophet, Traveling Minstrel, and All-Around Good Guy