Far away in another land formally called Ichcintarilandoralipaz but otherwise known to its inhabitants as Torville, lived a man named Orville Redenbaucher, who really liked to eat popcorn. In fact, he liked popcorn so much he lived in a house made out of popcorn and had a dog made of popcorn whose name was Popper. His daughter's name was Poppellia and his son's name was Popeye. Popeye was very weak and could not do very much, but when he got a pickle in his mouth, he went wild and crazy, bashing out the lights of his enemies. Just in case he ran into trouble, he always carried a spare pickle in his pocket, and it was all good.

Not too far away, a burly man, the devil himself, could be seen walking swiftly towards Torville. He had seen Poppellia in his mirror of souls, and had seen that hers was the most pure soul on the earth. I have heard from various sources that he was going by the name of Albert Shalling. It seems that this was a very common name at the time and a few people got upset when he stole it from them. That is the only reason I've written it down.

A day passed. The next morning Orville and Popeye noticed that Poppellia was nowhere to be seen. They searched diligently for her, but it was to no avail. Soon the day had passed completely by, and they were forced to retire for the night.

Elsewhere in the world, the devil held Poppellia captive. He could not take her to the underworld, however, unless she willingly gave him her soul. Before it had always been easy, but Poppellia was a tough nut to crack. The night went by quickly, and still Poppellia refused to give up her soul. Soon the devil grew tired of his silly game, and resorted to bribery.

"Look," quoth the devil, "I will get your soul one way or the other, give it to me now and I will give you whatever you want."

"I cannot give you my soul yet. I needs must return to my house one last time, to see it. If we return to my house, then will I give you my soul."

"Very well then, we leave at once." The two began to set off at a brisk pace.

In Torville, the whole town was in a fluster trying to find Poppellia. Little could be done about her disappearance, but everyone was hopeful. A day went by with no news of Orville's daughter, and the town went to their houses, tired and very sad.

The next day nothing was new. Everyone went to work, for they had searched everywhere for Poppellia and she was no where to be found. Popeye was soon the only person left in town, for everyone worked in nearby Workville.

On the horizon could soon be seen a man and a woman walking side by side. The man was very large and frightening; the woman was quite obviously Poppellia. As they approached, Popeye snuck outside with his pickle and began to eat.

Poppellia slowly approached the popcorn house she had lived in for so many years. She was not exactly pleased with the idea of eternal life in the underworld, but at least she would never have to clean the house again. When she thought of it that way, it was almost desirable.

Suddenly, from behind the devil came Popeye, muscles bulging and skin slightly tinted green. He bashed the devil straight into the doorway of the popcorn house, which quickly shattered, letting the devil through. Popeye ran after the devil, and soon a raging battle ensued.

As the devil and Popeye fought, the pickle power within Popeye quickly began to fade. Knowing he would soon be at the will of the devil, Popeye sought a quick way to end it. Seeing no other, he summoned all of his pickled might into one terrible blow that sent the devil straight down into the underworld without so much as a second glance. And we all know that once the devil loses a soul, he can never come after the same person again.

Well the devil was plenty mad that he had been beaten, and soon summoned up all the fires of his kingdom to rush up the hole Popeye had created. The flames quickly set fire to the popcorn which made up the house, and Popeye was forced to flee.

When Orville came back from work at the eggplant factory, he was mighty proud to see that his son had rescued his daughter back, but he was also very sad that his house had burned down. Popper was nowhere to be seen, and it was later concluded that in all the confusion the poor dog had fallen straight down the hole to the underworld! Needless to say, the dog did not last long in that fiery kingdom.

As anyone can see, the moral of the story is this: If you're going to battle the devil, do so in a house made out of nonflammable materials. Really, folks, how much intelligence does it take?

Wesley Adams

Prophet, Bard

Traveling Minstrel

One Time Druid

and

All-Around Good Guy