A Trip Home
The farm looked deserted. Farmer Jim was nowhere to be seen. The house looked empty. There was no car in the driveway. Pierce set off looking for Farmer Jim, but a quick search of the farm proved to come up fruitless. Farmer Jim was gone, and his wife, Linda, was gone too. Pierce and his six little buddies felt an immense amount of freedom and simultaneously an incredible amount of trepidation. As they realized this contradiction, they began to fear for their lives, for contradictions had many times threatened them. Just as they expected, suddenly there appeared before them a large contradiction, much larger than usual, and they were forced to flee. The contradiction followed them, and soon they were running far away from the farm. Just as the contradiction was about to catch up, Sir Triss shot a single arrow from the bow he had crafted during their months in the shed, which took the contradiction in the eye while it had one. The contradiction screamed in pain and pleasure and stopped in its tracks, running fast all the while. Pierce continued running, and soon they were far away from the contradiction, though it was obviously not too far off.
The appearance of the contradiction was cause for talk. Before creatures had only appeared from that other place when Farmer Jim had been talking about them. Something unusual was going on, but they obviously couldn't return to the farm to find out about it, for a contradiction awaited them on that path. They were thus forced to continue on their journey, and so soon found that they were hopelessly lost.
"Mayhaps we should come up with a plan of action, Master Pierce," said Sir Triss.
"Yes, a plan would be good," said Rolli.
"Yes, a plan would be good," said Rolli.
"If a contradiction can make it to our world without Farmer Jim," said Pierce, "then maybe we can get you back to your world without him. I mean, it can't hurt to try, right?"
The others agreed, but they had no place where to start.
said Tollof.
"Having a good point, I agree," said George.
"also" said Peter.
"All right then," said Pierce, and they started back along the path. It wasn't long before they saw the contradiction lying on the path, hurting. It seemed to be crying softly while it laughed at the world. It was in obvious blissful agony. Though it pained him to destroy their only link to the other place, Sir Triss stepped from the wheelbarrow to kill the beast. As they watched its death/birth throes, not a being among them could but wonder how it had come to Encumbria.
Soon the farm was before them once more, that place that they had all known as home for several months, that place which Pierce had known as home forever. The seven of them soon found that they were happy to be back, but they all knew that their time here was short. They went to that place where they had seen the contradiction appear, and soon found a small hole. That is all it could be explained as, for that was what it was. A hole in reality, a hole in Encumbria, a hole in the air, really. It was only about the size of a pea, but when Sir Triss bravely reached his hand to it his whole arm was sucked through until he was forced to walk all the way in. Seeing no reason to stay on the farm alone, Pierce took all of his friends through the hole after him. What he saw on the other side was a world much like his own, but different, more unusual, more exciting, really.
"Having brought me this far, I would like to accompany you until you decide what to do." Pierce was quite happy to have George along, but he told him to leave if he wanted to. "Being thankful, you have been kind all along and I could not leave you now." Pierce almost cried, except that he was a wheelbarrow and of course wheelbarrows don't cry.
"I'll go with you," said Rolli.
"I'll go with you," said Rolli.
"Thank you," said Pierce.
"too." said Peter.
"Thanks, buddy," said Pierce.
"Master, if thou wouldst have me, I would travel far and wide to make sure thou hast all thou hast bargained for. But if I could, I needst must find my family. It won't take long. Just wait here. I shall summon an allegory to protect you in my stead." With these words Sir Triss whistled loudly and disappeared.
It wasn't long before a unicorn appeared, which stood about the size of Sir Triss. Its long horn was sharp and obviously dangerous, but it was quite nice. It spoke to Pierce right away in a voice that depicted a thousand beautiful princesses eating honey-dripping crumpets. How that was possible Pierce did not know, but it sure was.
"Far and wide have I traveled to aid in your quest, oh Sir Pierce, for Sir Triss is my close personal friend. I feel that I should relate to you the story of our meeting, so that you may better understand my bond to him.
"Long ago, when I was but a small allegory, my parents left on a mission to relate tales to the king of all allegories, King Ornethal the Sixth, and I was left to fend for myself at the house. However, my horn had not grown in fully, so when a wicked contradiction entered my house I was ill-prepared to defend myself. I lucked out, however, for Sir Triss happened to be walking by, and he heard my cries of panic. He ran into the house quickly, drawing his sword on high, and clove the contradiction in twain. I have since served him whenever he needs me, and he has not regretted it. The obvious moral of my story is that if you help another in a time of need, they will help you when you need it."
Pierce was a little confused by all of this, but he was coming to understand the ways of this world. This allegory was just a little bit interesting. It had not told him its name though, so he politely asked. "Oh, sorry. My name is Ell. Would you like to hear another story?"
"Umm...Actually right now I'm in the mood for a little nap, but perhaps later."
"All right. But there is an obvious moral for that action: He who would rather nap than hear a bit of knowledge is he who would go ignorant instead of tired."
"Umm...right." Pierce shut his eyes to this new and strange world and soon found himself asleep.
Suddenly a loud noise woke Pierce up. He looked around as well as he could, but being a wheelbarrow he couldn't exactly turn his head. Slowly he wheeled himself around, and found that he was totally alone. Panic stricken, he cried out for Ell, for George, for anyone. Hearing his own voice echoing off of something distant calmed him down somewhat, and he soon was able to think rationally once more. Surely they wouldn't have left him, and if they had, well, that was their own choice. They had helped him this much, and now he would simply have to work on his own. Content, he began to walk towards running water he heard.
Suddenly there appeared before him a little man near Sir Triss's height with a crazy wooden mask on. It was painted with green, red, and white paints to look like a hideous face. It grinned widely and seemed to be laughing at him. Pierce tried to back away, but could not.
"Ha! I am, I will be, I always have been, Jay, the antagonist! I will haunt you for the rest of this story! Ha! Witness my weapons, as I use them against you now while you are most helpless, as all antagonists do."
Slowly Jay the antagonist drew a wicked hatchet dripping with green juices from somewhere at his belt, and Pierce wondered if that hatchet could break his red metal. Not wanting to find out, he tried to flee. Suddenly a white blur flew over Pierce to appear before the antagonist. It was Ell, the fable, his protector! Pierce thanked the gods as the two met.
"There is an ancient tale, Jay, that goes as such: Once there was a knight. His name was Jim. Once there was a jester. His name was Lou. One day Lou offended Jim greatly with one of his jokes. Jim challenged him to combat, and Lou could not but agree. Whereas Jim brought to the combat his wicked broadsword, Lou brought only his mind (and a shield, for he was not stupid). As the battle commenced, Lou belittled Jim to no end, making fun of his every move, always a step ahead of the experienced knight. And eventually Jim made a fatal error in his anger, lunging too far forward, so that he tripped. Lou kicked the sword away from Jim and jumped onto his back. He had won the battle, empty handed. And so you see, a sharp blade cuts deep, true, but a sharp wit and a little intelligence will cut even deeper. Think on this as your life is ended."
Jay laughed at the fable and swung his hatchet at its head. Ell parried with his horn and then thrust deep at Jay, taking the little man straight in the mask, tearing it off of his face. Underneath the mask, Jay was even more hideous, for his face looked exactly like the mask only it wasn't paint. He laughed again at Ell and attacked, and the two battled for some time. Finally Pierce saw that neither was coming out ahead, so sought to end it somehow. Finally he just rolled behind the antagonist and pushed him -- right into the horn of the fable.
Pierce was shocked, and Ell was stupefied. Jay cried out in pain and rage before he fell limp on the horn. Just when the two thought he was dead, he came back to squirming life to say "You know the best antagonists always do come back in the end..." and collapsed once more. Pierce was upset with himself for having killed someone, and Ell was frantically trying to remove the dead body from his beautiful horn, and from somewhere near where the had all camped out, a voice could be heard "Being alone, where are you guys?"
Pierce shouted "GEORGE!" He felt such a great relief to know that his oldest friend was back that he could hardly contain it. He rolled towards the camp, Ell close behind, minus Jay, of course. Soon they were standing in the clearing, the three of them, and Pierce was asking an endless barrage of questions.
"Where are Rolli, Rolli, Tollof, and Peter? I'm worried!"
"Jay took them!" George answered, for the first time speaking grammatically correct. "Being evil, they were taken to his castle."
"No! Well, Jay is dead. Why do you suppose he took them, anyway?"
"Nearing the end, antagonists cannot live outside the story, and without Tollof the story can not end! Being cunning, they were taken so Jay could live forever!"
"Argh!" cried Pierce, which was surprising, because he hadn't known an a-rr-g-hh sound existed. But soon he was pondering upon his fate. Suddenly a light bulb lit up above his head, and it dropped to the ground, sprouting arms and legs. It spoke to him through no seen mouth, and said this:
"Pierce MacKinley Wheelbarrow the Third, you must truly be a brilliant being, for I am the Product of your Genius, and I am also a bright idea." Saying this he lit himself up to be brighter even than the sun (at least as far as Pierce thought), and then dimmed himself down again. "Carry your idea out, scientist, and you will rescue your friends. But be warned now, for to carry on this chain of events will end in the death of one of your friends, though I can not say which one, for that would ruin...the spontaneity. Hah!" The product of Pierce's genius glowed bright again and then jumped to Pierce's back. "My name is Icabod Namor Stine, but you can call me Icky. I like it. Well, are we leaving or what?"
"Right," said Pierce. "Jump on, George, Ell. We just need to pick up Sir Triss. Let's go!" With these words, George and Ell climbed onto his back and they were off.
With Ell the fable riding in the front, they set off to find Sir Triss's house, for only he knew where it was. On the way he described a...colorful story of his fablish kind.
"A long time ago, before probably Encumbria even existed, we here of Grammaria were perfectly content to be ourselves. The contradictions left everyone alone, for there was no one to invoke them, and everyone else basically just kept to themselves. Then a man appeared named Sisten Omar, who was the first antagonist. He set about to invoke every last contradiction, so that on our world, at least, one would never be truly safe from their kind. So was the terrible village Contradict built, where everything was tall but short, pretty while disgusting, and long but small. He worked so hard that soon not a single of the contradictions could remain dormant. Then and only then did a hero appear, but he was really too late to stop anything of importance. He did, however, kill the antagonist, but since Sisten was the only one in the world rumored to know how to stop a contradiction, with his death went the last hope our world had for a peaceful existence. So you see, Pierce, killing the enemy is not always the cut and dry solution. Sometimes its takes a real hero to save the antagonist for the betterment of everyone. Did that story help you any?"
"Yes, sort of. It gives me a new idea, I think...but a new product of my genius has not appeared. What does this mean?"
"Perhaps nothing. Perhaps everything. Only time will tell. Look, there is Sir Triss's house now."
Indeed, there appeared before them a nice little house that looked just ancient enough to house an archaic expression and his family. Pierce stopped and let Icky go to the door. After knocking, he waited only a few moments before Sir Triss appeared.
"Oh generous and wonderful Sir Triss, the most gracious genius Pierce MacKinley Wheelbarrow the Third would request your assistance on a journey to save four of his close friends. Would you care to join his presence on this adventure?"
"I merely awaited the call," Sir Triss said as he called good-bye to his family and vaulted to Pierce's back. It seemed that he had a new set of clothes and new weapons: a new sword, bow, and arrows.
"So where is Jay's castle?" asked Pierce. Ell returned to the front once more and led the way. This time there was no story, for the atmosphere was much more tense knowing they were going into a battle that should cost one of them its life...Pierce was afraid, for he had never wanted to part with one of his friends.
The castle of Jay the antagonist was exactly as such a castle should be, dark and foreboding. Pierce did not know exactly what about the castle made it foreboding, or even exactly what foreboding was, but if ever a castle had been foreboding, this one was. Its blocks were cracked and messy, covered with twisting vines, and a marsh surrounding the castle provided an amount of fog that surely caused a bit more tension.
Pierce wheeled towards the front gate, which was conveniently opened. Sir Triss drew his sword in exasperation, saying "Tis not normal, Master Pierce, for a castle to be so unguarded. It hurts mine heart to see such shoddy care." Pierce heard the words, but did not understand. He was busy staring at the dragon in the opening.
Ell, Sir Triss, Icky, and George jumped from his back to walk into the castle themselves, and Pierce felt obliged to follow. The five passed right by the dragon without difficulty, causing Pierce to ask, feeling embarrassed by his worry, "What was that? Why didn't it hurt us?"
"Oh, sorry, Pierce," said Ell. "I forgot you were unfamiliar with our expressions. That was merely an empty threat, that is all."
"Of course," said Pierce. They continued.
The interior of the castle was much like the outside, only, actually, much much brighter. It seemed that everywhere they turned was a brazier full of flaming candles. He had always thought, at least on Encumbria, that braziers were filled with coals, or live fire, but apparently here on Grammaria candles were okay for braziers too. Weird things happened on this world, but it was all starting to make sense to him, really. He noticed that the building was beginning to get a slight upward tilt to it, making him think that he would be able to go up without using stairs, making things much easier on him. As the castle continued to fly by, Sir Triss cried out, "Contradiction, dead ahead!" as he drew his sword and Ell readied himself for the attack. Icky suddenly turned thirty times brighter and the contradiction shrieked in rage. Its eyes (when it had eyes) seemed to be incredibly sensitive to such bright light. Its arms (which Pierce hadn't realized it had) went up to shield them. Sir Triss rushed up to slay the beast as Icky dimmed down once more. The contradiction soon lay in pieces on the ground, and Pierce was thanking the little light bulb for his help.
"Of course," Icky said. "I would do anything, of course, to help you, since you created me."
"But I thought you things were just summoned."
"On Encumbria, perhaps. But here, everything has already been invoked once, so each new thing is created. You must be careful what you say and think here, for a stray thought could bring...one of those," and he looked to the dead creature upon the ground.
"Icky, I grow fond of your aid." Pierce tried to smile but soon realized he couldn't. Icky got the idea, though.
Sir Triss said, "Come, we needst must make haste! I fear what Jay may do to the others!"
"But I killed Jay myself!"
"Perhaps you did not understand his death cry, but I did," said Ell. "All good antagonists stay alive until the surprise ending can work its way out. Surely you have recognized this fact already in life. After all, how often do you read a story where the bad guy dies the first time he meets the good guy? Wouldn't make for a very exciting story, now would it?"
"Hmm...I suppose not."
"Let us go!" cried Sir Triss, exasperated.
"Right," said Pierce, as he began to move once more.
Soon the group of five friends was at the final room in the castle, and all had their weapons or wits ready. Pierce looked at the wicked oaken door that guarded the next room. There was no way to open that door. They would have to knock. Quickly Sir Triss raised his hand to the door and hammered upon it and then stepped back. Slowly, dramatically, the door swung open. What lay beyond the door was a hallway, lined on each side with two cages. On the left where the two Rollis. On the right were Peter and Tollof. Tollof was in bad shape. He lay sick on the ground. His feathers were falling off and several of his claws were gone. He spoke, and it was quite upsetting to find that it was no longer as pretty.
"Pierce, the surprise ending is in jeopardy. It is becoming too predictable, too much foreshadowing. You must change it all...no one must die...save us all...think of something..."
Quickly Sir Triss opened all of the cages, letting the creatures inside come out. Suddenly a new idea occurred to Pierce, one so terrific that the light bulb above his head shattered before it could come to life. He suddenly turned to face Icky, who had been about to say something.
"Icky," Pierce said, "You've been a good help and a fair friend, but you've been working for the enemy the whole time. You tried to ruin the surprise ending; you were revealing little things all along. As you can see, I'm getting even smarter. Now quickly, Sir Triss, grab him before he can say anything else. If he tries to escape...smash him."
"Okay," said Icky, "but whatever you do, don't --" but then he was on the ground, Sir Triss's knees on his body and his sword in his face. Icky didn't dare say another word. Pierce called to the rest of his friends to board, and set off down the hall to where he knew Jay would be. He didn't know exactly how to do this, but he could already tell that Tollof was doing a little better. The Rollis jumped to the ground and rolled ahead, leading the way so that Pierce need not worry about getting sidetracked. The Rollis soon stopped, however, for there was Jay, his face a colorful splendor and his hatchet in hand. Suddenly Pierce said something that confused everyone.
"I feel wondrful, except my head hurts." Suddenly a wicked contradiction jumped from somewhere behind Jay and he had to spin around to face it. Having a common enemy suddenly, the friends of Pierce went to help Jay. But this contradiction was deliberate, so it was incredibly large, too large, in fact, to kill without Sir Triss...which was exactly as Pierce had planned it. Just before it would have destroyed them all, Jay cried out "I am my own worst friend and my own closest enemy," and the contradiction vanished.
The gathered friends looked around the room in confusion and headed back to Pierce. Tollof was shining again, though he seemed a little let down. Pierce said to Jay, "You said yourself the best antagonists don't die Jay, or is it...Sisten Omar?"
"Yes. I am unduly impressed. Though this does seem like a bad episode of Scooby Doo, I am the man you speak of. I am the one and only antagonist. Until now. It seems that now I must change to something else, teach people that the way to get rid of a contradiction is with another one...funny, two wrongs do make a right...sorry, I get carried away with my own little self-explanations sometimes. Antagonist habit, I guess."
And so, in a way, the story was over. Pierce had so much fun in Grammaria that he decided to stay. Without an antagonist to help, the product of Pierce's genius soon became unnecessary to the plot, and faded out. The friends of Pierce followed him to where they created their own town, and Sir Triss moved his family there. Eventually they had many wonderful adventures to many wonderful places, but this is not so unusual for any protagonist, which Pierce certainly was.
The moral of this story is kind of wild. The antagonist of the story is not really such a bad guy, if you think about it. I mean, talk about bad end of the stick. Everyone ends up hating this guy, wanting him to die or at least to get his, and for what? He helps the story, without him, the story would be pointless. The antagonist moves things along, makes things more lively and interesting. In fact, without him there could not be very much of a story. But I ramble. Another moral is that violence is not always the answer and that sometimes the coolest people are the real bad guys and sometimes even wheelbarrows get scared. Another moral is that every once in a while you need to just change everything in one quick burst. Lost on that one? Who cares!
Wesley Adams
Happy Sailor
Game Player
Fool
Gambler
Sangfroid Expert
Stupid Pansy
