Still Friday - May 7, 1999 -- 8:15 AM EDT
At Heather's house, using Lauren's IMAC. Little girl didn't want to wake up this morning. Tired out from being sick I guess. I offered to come over here so she wouldn't have to get up.
I'm tired too. Didn't realize I was going to have to babysit today and stayed up past my bedtime. Ah, the things we do for love. Central Blood Bank caught up with me last night also. I agreed to donate platelets at 7:15 AM, Saturday morning. (Wow, I was in a good mood I guess.) Not that it's that big of deal. It's almost too easy. I usually half fall asleep with those silly machines pumping stuff in and out of me. If only everything else could be that easy!
Think I'm hearing noises from downstairs, Lauren must be waking up. You're right Heather, the "H" on this keyboard sticks! Have a glorious Friday and weekend if I don't talk to you before then.
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Friday - May 7, 1999 -- 12:10 AM EDT
Hello. For those of you who were concerned, I'm feeling much better, thank you. For those of you who weren't… never mind, you probably wouldn't be bothering to read this at all if you didn't care. So, once again, I've managed to climb up out of the primordial swamp land of emotional turmoil, back to normalcy, or at least as close as I ever get.
I'm in a good mood; that's pretty damn special!
One friend told me I needed help. Have to say it… " Well, duh?!!!" Where have you been for the past 7 years, obviously not listening to me because I say it about twenty-thousand times a day to anyone who'll listen and to quite a few who won't.
Kind of like telling a cripple he walks funny.
I'm feeling frisky tonight. Tired of being down and now that I'm not, I'm going to try something different. Like standing up for myself. Anything bad you can say about me, believe me, I've said it a million times and then some. No one can beat me up like I can beat me up. I've practically devoted my life to it. So unless you have something good to say; shut up.
I ran into an acquaintance at the grocery store last night. He said, "Gee, didn't know you were still around." How do you answer that? Once a round always a round? A round rolling Jani gathers no moss. Who's buying the next round? Round and round and round she goes, whether or not she's still around, nobody knows. Never mind. Yes, I'm still around.
Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest… A run down on what's going on here…
Lauren had some sort of stomach flu/virus last night and today. Is anything as sad as a kid who doesn't feel good? They can't even be bad because they're too sick to do anything but be sick. Here's hoping she'll feel better tomorrow. She spent the day with me. She made a collage; turned out pretty neat. I started gathering pictures for one of my own but haven't gotten around to assembling it yet. Maybe I'll scan it in here but I doubt it because it's probably going to be way to big for my little scanner.
OOOhhh, Majorsville update. We finally made it down Monday. Our three day weekend turned into one day but never mind about that. Jeff, thank-you-Lord, the plumber managed to get all our pipes repaired so we had water and everything. Just like one of them there modern houses. But wait until I tell you what we saw…. the biggest freaking turtle. Down by the creek, lying in the mud, covered over with a thin layer of it. We thought he was dead. Joe threw sticks at him and everything. But then a fly came along and landed on his back (the turtle's not Joe's) and he just slithered into the drink. This guy was humongous. His shell was at least 22 inches across and he had this thick tail on him, all scaly, as big around as my forearm and his head was the size of a grapefruit. Felt like Jurassic Park, I swear. And the great blue herons were flying all over like pterodactyls, it was something else!
We had our neighbor down there come give us an estimate on the work that needs to be done on the driveway. Ouch. I'm guessing it's a fair price. He's a professional and lives just up the hill. His suggestion was to sell him some timber in exchange for it, sort of like bartering. I wish he wanted a web page; it would hurt a lot less to give him that than to have him cutting down trees. We're probably not going to have a lot of choice when it comes right down to it. The driveway needs to be fixed; the ditch needs to be cleaned out and we'd like to have it lined with gravel. He suggested adding an additional drainage pipe in one particularly bad spot but it would have to be laid clear across the parking lot, emptying into the creek. That's a major bill right there.
Well, I'm a gonna close this for tonight. Even though Bach is playing and I brought a fan up (it's so hot up on this third floor tonight.) I'm tired. My finger is on the mend. My mood is 100% improved. Life is good so I'd better go say some prayers of thanks. Until we meet again…
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May 4, 1999 - Tuesday - 4:14 PM EDT
Good Lord, it's May. I've been in a time warp. I'm running out of room in this file. Time to make a new one I guess.
April 23, 1999 – Friday – 1:20 AM EDT
I’m going to Norfolk! Marilyn talked me into it so it’ll be her fault if it’s a total disaster!! But it won’t be—I’m really looking forward to meeting my online writing friends in person. How strange to have had all these conversations and emails with them for the last year but never been able to see each other face-to-face.
I’ve booked a room at the Ramada. Bob, the guy who runs the Writer’s Village, is having us over to his house for a bar-b-que on Saturday night. We’re also going to get together on Sunday afternoon to talk about writing, the internet, and whatnot. There’s an M.C. Escher Exhibit at the Chrysler Museum going on—that might be cool to check out. I always felt like that painting of his where all the guys are going up the stairs that lead up the stairs that lead up the stairs… Couldn't find a link to that particular picture tonight but did find a link to one of his other neat ones (actually, they're all pretty neat):
Heard a great bar-b-que joke from Priscilla, one of the people coming to the get together….
A man and his wife were working in the yard. She bent over to work in a flower bed and he noticed she had put on some weight and commented to her that she was nearly as broad as their bar-b-que grill. She said nothing.Later that night, when he was feeling amorous, he started making overtures to her. She just looked at him and said "Do you expect me fire up this great big grill for that little teeny weenie?
Joe checked out my car and says it’s roadworthy. I’m packing light, my usual uniform: jeans, tee shirts and tennis shoes. Taking along my tapes so I’ll have some tunes to listen to on the way down and back. I’ll definitely call Peggy Weggy Angel and Jean while I’m down there, maybe tell them I’m in jail & they need to come bail me out. (The Hoppers are famous for pulling stunts like this.) Jani’s Big Adventure-- surely I’ll get some writing material out of this trip! But, the big question is, how will I manage without my trusty computer for four days???!!!
I started writing this last night around 8:00. Meantime, Joe fixed dinner and I did a few loads of laundry, watched the end of Scent of a Woman (isn't Al Pacino to die for?) and played way too long on this machine. Guess I'd better get some shut eye or I'll never be able to make this trip. Thanks for reading.
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Wednesday - April 21, 1999 - 2:23 PM EDT
Funny day. Heard from Eddie in Ireland and a cousin of Joe's he didn't even know he had in Florida. I'm debating about making a trip to Norfolk VA to visit some online writing friends. They're all getting together Saturday and Sunday. One, Chet, is coming from Malaysia (not directly-- she's visiting in Canada now.) So you'd think I could get it together to make a drive down from here; it's not that far. But I'm so hesitant to commit to anything. Would my 11 year old Mazda make the ten hour trip? Do I have enough money to stay at the Ramada for a couple days? Would I drive myself nutty driving there & back with no one but myself to talk to? None of us has ever met in person, what if we end up hating each other?
Took another web class on Monday, this one on design and layout. Every time I take a class, I feel like coming home and starting over-- I've screwed so many things up on here. This instructor was really good-- I've had her a number of times for other classes. She can't believe some of us are still doing our web stuff without the necessary tools. She likes Hot Metal Pro or Homesite. I told her I was too poor to buy either of those but downloaded a freebie called Arachnophilia. A friend has used it & she's always on the cutting edge of things so I figure it must be okay. The instructor cautioned me you get what you pay for. Guess I should be using it to compose this entry. The little time I did play with it since downloading, it seemed really cool.
I'm still in shock about that Colorado high school shooting. It's way beyond comprehension, isn't it? I somehow feel responsible when horrible things like this happen, as if we all have to be held accountable for each other. But what to do, what to do? Feel the same way about the war in the Kosovo. Can't handle it. Don't understand it. Don't know how I can help but know that just reading about it makes me ill. The world keeps getting smaller and smaller especially when you're on the web but crazy things go on all the time that you can't control. It's very depressing.
I'm meeting my friend Deb for a drink or lunch tomorrow. This is good. I need this. I wish I could talk her into going to Norfolk with me but she's very busy taking care of her mother who is very sick. She's been dealing with her mom's illness for an awfully long time now. Started around the same time my mom got sick. And she's still doing it, day after day after day. I would be in a rubber room, rocking myself in a stupor if I had to still deal with this. Bad enough just to be dreaming about it night after night. Most of my dreams now feature my parents coming back and I'm happy of course to see them but know it's just a matter of time before they get sick and die again. Plus I'm always having to explain why they don't have their house or furniture anymore-- that we had to sell it because they died. Too bizarre. I'm sick of these dreams.
My niece Maggie is a philanthropist! She and her fiance' are donating part of the 2.5 million dollars the Camerons are giving to W&J College for refurbishing the football stadium. It will be called Cameron Stadium. Is that too cool or what? I always wanted to be a philanthropist. Everytime I say the word philanthropist, I think of Porky (that stutterin' pig) trying to say it.... "philan, philan, philan.... eh, do-gooder." At any rate... way to go, Maggie!!
Not much else happening here. My daughter Heather called me from work this morning. She had just dropped off Lauren at kindergarten and while driving through town, passed her soon-to-be ex-husband driving one of the trucks from where he works. She said he waved and smiled and tooted the horn at her. Meanwhile, he hasn't called or seen Lauren in over a month. Talk about strange. He is so totally clueless that it would be funny if it were happening to anyone else. I read a quote earlier today and wanted to remember it so I could tell Heather. I don't know who said it but I love it....
"Never attribute to malice, that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
That just about sums it up. Thanks for reading.
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Tuesday - April 14, 1999 - 12:12 PM EDT
If you check out my art? page, today's selection was inspired by Bach and the Internal Revenue Service. Ah yes, guess it's time to get down to the nitty gritty as they say. I think my taxes are almost done. Just have to recopy a couple forms, write a check and mail them-- but don't want to do it too early so I may have to wait until tomorrow at 11:45 pm or so.
Majorsville was gorgeous. It was also a disaster. All the recent rain we've been having-- it's a good thing we have those (relatively) new dams or I'm afraid it would have been curtains... and I'm not talking about window treatments. As it was, both Enlow Fork and Robinson Run were very high, muddy, rushing, flooding out little islands and creating back bays & whatnot. I wouldn't have wanted to be in that water for all the money in the world. We also had a new stream that was flowing down the driveway (really just runoff from the road but it was fairly deep in places, and clear as a mountain stream.) Didn't have enough nerve to let Joe drive the truck down. We parked at the top of the driveway and walked.
Inside the house we found water also. The pilot lights in both the furnace and hot water heater had gone out. Not too big a deal except that the pipes froze. So when we turned on the pump, we had showers coming down into the dining area and behind the sink in the kitchen, and somewhere (couldn't even see it but could hear it) in the tool room. Jeff Chappell (our plumber) has his work cut out for him. I used all the towels down there trying to dry things up. Joe got the pilot lit on the furnace and we left the blower and fans running to discourage mildew.
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The big tree (box elder) in the front yard which has been rotting away for years and years and years, is just about all gone now. Joe needs to get his chain saw fixed (chain came off) to finish the job and cut up what's scattered all over the place. Luckily, the limbs that came down over the winter didn't knock out our electrical or phone lines. I hate to see that tree go. It's been dying for so long.... should have let Joe cut it down years ago like he wanted to but it holds so many memories. Majorsville is always changing though. You can't fight it. The creek giveth and the creek taketh away, as does the weather and other forces of nature. You just have to accept it. Usually, something very neat and unexpected comes after you lose something, like all of a sudden you have this wetland island with sycamores sprouting and growing all over the place where you used to have the headwaters of the Little Wheeling Creek. The headwaters are still there, they've just moved down towards West Virginia a bit. And all that land that is now this paradise where ducks and deer and all sorts of neat flora and fauna live is what used to be the volley ball court, the parking lot and at one time, the corral. It all just eroded into the creek and come up in the middle. Very strange. The picture, by the by, was taken almost 25 years ago. It's pretty blurry, I know. It's Joe and I under the box elder as the new Majorsville was being built. We were still newlyweds but I put him to work fast! |
I am sans car today. Heather's quit running when she stopped by here yesterday to pick up Lauren. I lent her mine since she had to take her kitties to have them fixed and declawed plus take Lauren to school, plus go to work. She's feeling very guilty about the kitties, Princess Tiger and Beauty. Their names sound like females but they're males (or were until today... just teasing Heather!) I know how she feels. It's hard. I'm going to have to have Sheba declawed too. She's just about ruined two chairs in our living room and I don't want her to start on the sofa. Poor kitties. Buy hey, if it weren't for us, they wouldn't even have homes. Right?
I'm finishing up my friend Rick's web page. Still need to get copies of some sheet music that he wrote and scan it in but other than that... If you'd like to take a peek, here's the link (let me know what you think!)
Well, guess I should go do something else besides play on this machine. Thanks for reading. I'll talk to you later.
LATER THAT SAME DAY... (11:19 PM EDT) okay, I've been totally out of it. Got the date wrong.
It's the 13th not the 14th. My gingko biloba must not be working yet. Also
screwed up the link to Rick's page but think I've got that fixed now. What a
day! Don't even want to think about how I might have f*cked up on my taxes.
Yikes!!!! I'm going to bed.
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Sunday - April 11, 1999 - 2:35 PM EDT
I have a lot I want to write but no time. Want to make a quick trip to the country-- haven't been there since I can't remember when but I'm thinking it was maybe October??!!!
Anyway, the biggest news I have to share is Eddie sent me a copy of an epic poem that my Grand Uncle Martin Larkin in Ireland wrote & published. As far as I can tell, this Martin Larkin was a first cousin to my great grandfather Martin Larkin. Anyway, I just adore it and have uploaded it. If you too would like to view it, below is the link.
For a bit of background, here's what Eddie says in his email...
Its called "The Priest Hunters of Queens County" and its all about religious persecution in Ireland when the British were in occupation. The British had decided to "ethnically cleanse" the Irish. Part of this involved the burning of all churches and the systematic elimination of the catholic clergy. The priests went into hiding, and this poem was written about the heroic efforts of one man to protect a local priest.From the timing of Martin's life, I would say he heard the tale from an older relative, as the events described in the poem were from a generation prior to his; maybe by 100 years.
Some words may not be familiar as they are of gaelic origin but heres at least 2 clues; "sagart" = Priest, and "sasanach"= british
Thanks again Eddie, for sending me this and keeping me in touch with my Irish ancestors! I'll write more later. Love you all.
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Thursday - April 8, 1999 - 3:19 PM EDT
A strange day. Uploaded a bunch more pictures to this web site-- pictures of my sister and brother & sister-in-law and some other important family members. I haven't got the hang of scanning & placing pictures yet. But I figure even the rotten way I do it is better than not having them on here.
If you haven't guessed, my famiy is just about the most important thing in my life. It's always been that way. I consider most of them friends as well as family. I'm not sure why I've been blessed with such nice ones but I'm thankful and hope they know how much I appreciate them.
Talked to my old boss today. He called and left a message on my answering machine. I called him back and we had a nice, albeit short talk. I was half expecting him to ask me if I was ready to come back. And even more bizarre, I wasn't sure at all how I would answer if he did. I'm enjoying not working but I'm also missing it. Guess that's the story of my life. It's hard to count on myself to structure my day-- so easy to just let it go whichever way it goes. That wouldn't be a bad thing except when you're depressed, it often goes awry... nowhere... like let's spend 2/3's of the day in bed-- that'll really help. At least while I was still working, I knew I had to be at work. Then again, half the time that really freaked me out.
I guess, as usual, I'm just very confused. I say I want to write but I don't. I say I want to design web pages but I don't have the expertise. I said I really wanted to quit that job but now I wonder what I would do if I could go back? I wonder how old I have to be before I decide what I want to be when I grow up?
Took Marilyn's friend Chrissie to the airport yesterday. Picked Lauren up a little earlier than usual so she could go with me. Thought we'd have a great time knocking around the airport but on the way over, she passed out cold in the back seat and I didn't have the heart to wake her. We had a nice afternoon when we got back. Stopped at a couple of stores for supplies then came home & fooled around. Read a bunch of her books & drew on the sidewalk with sidewalk chalk. We put Growlf on his leash and took a walk around the neighborhood. It's so incredibly pretty here right now. All the magnolia, crocus, and daffodils are blooming.
Ran into Bob Thompson, one of my favorite people, on our walk. I used to work with him at Even Start. He's still there, works as a consultant, tutoring the adults and giving them hell. He is a godsend. Anyway, it was so nice to run into him. After we started on our way again, I looked down & noticed Lauren had her shoes on the wrong feet. Wonder what Bob thought when I told him one of the reasons I quit my job was so I could be there for Lauren... (Oh yeah, Jan, you're a big help!)
Speaking of Lauren, guess I'd best go claim her. Thanks for reading. Catch you all later.
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Tuesday - April 6, 1999 - 2:29 PM EDT
Slept in this morning. It was almost 9:00 when I got up. The first of my daily panic attacks and guilt trips didn't wait though, proceeded as if I had arisen at 5:00. When I woke at 9, I was right in the middle of it. Not a good place to be. Took my meds and went back to bed, hoping they'd kick in and I'd feel a little less shakey. Guess they worked. I'm up anyway.
Had a nice Easter, how about you? Marilyn's farm was wonderful-- horses prancing around, tails held high, in the pastures in front and behind her house. The food was incredible. For appetizers, Heather's spinach dip with pumpernickel bread and Merle's chicken cheese ball with crackers hit the spot. For dinner the ham, the first Marilyn ever baked, was sooooo good-- tender, juicy, basted with a pineapple Teriyake (sp?) sauce. Maggie made garlic mashed potatoes; Glenda, a brocolli noodle casserole and I contributed scalloped potatoes and pasta salad. Marilyn's old friends from college, Peg & Chrissie, and Peg's son Patrick brought potato salad and beautiful multicolored Easter eggs. Glenda's peanut butter pie for dessert was (is always) magnificient. The wine poured freely and of course, we all had to have some coffee with The Saint. Best part was just the great company. I should have but didn't accompany everyone else on a walk up to the barn to see the new baby horses. Marilyn gave Lauren a bag of carrots and she really got a kick out of feeding the mothers. All in all a really nice holiday.
I got a card in the mail the other day from my friend Susan, who's mother died in the accident on Maiden Street last month. (I had finally sent a sympathy card... it was a little strange... Susan & I haven't seen each other in so many years-- probably not since we were 13.) Anyway, she sent me back the most endearing, wonderful card. Said my letter had made her day. She lives in Virginia now but said she will be spending the summer in Washington and hopes to talk to me then. I was worried my card might not reach her. Didn't have her address so I sent it in care of her brother (at her mother's house) here in town.
Susan reminded me that I was the first person with whom she had smoked a cigarette. This is the 2nd old friend who has told me this. What a dubious distinction. I'm terribly afraid someday they'll all be in a cancer ward, with oxygen tubes running in and out of them, bodies wasted, lungs destroyed, telling their nurses it was Jan who got them started.
Susan said she quit smoking when she was 18 so hopefully, she'll never have health problems arising from the vile and evil weed. It wouldn't be so bad except I still smoke so much & enjoy it. (Marilyn says we no doubt have a pack of cigarettes on our family coat of arms-- wouldn't surprise me. And our motto might be: "I came, I saw, I smoked.")
I'm listening to Chopin's Mazurkas, Nocturnes, Waltzes and Piano Sonatos today. Borrowed some cd's from the library. Very pleasant and calming for the most part but they just don't evoke the same intensity of emotions that Bach does.
Started my taxes finally. Why do I always wait until the last minute? It must be because I enjoy that horrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, worrying will we owe anything, will I get finished in time for the deadline, etc. etc. Really screwed up this year. My last employer was paying me as if I were an independent contractor-- didn't take out any taxes. What a mess. If I go to tax jail, will someone please smuggle me in a laptop so I can continue to write in this journal?
So until we meet again... may the bluebird of happiness crap on your neighbor's head and not yours. Thanks for reading.