Monday - October 19, 1998 - 5:02AM EDT
Up a little earlier than usual, drinking coffee since 4. Keyed up is really the word I guess.
Monday morning and have to face another week of work. With any luck at all this will be my last full time week. My job share partner is supposed to be able to start next week, working Tuesdays and Fridays. Leaving me those two blessed days off to write and get stuff done around here (like you know I'm going to be spending so much time cleaning & whatnot, uh-huh!)
Other exciting things are on the back & front burners especially over at Writers Village. I'm pleased to be a part of it and hope I can keep up.
Nice weekend but it went way too fast. Friday night Joe, Marilyn and I had dinner at Hungry Jose's with Peggy Weggy Angel, Jean, and Art. They were in town visiting and as always, it was a great pleasure to see them. Had one rotten waitress, I swear some restaurants pride themselves on employing the snitty and inept! Like pulling teeth trying to get another beer out of her-- Marilyn was the only smart one-- as soon as they brought one Margarita, she'd order up another. That's easier to do when you're drinking frozen goodies-- they stay nice and frosty. At least her thirst was quenched and next time I go, I will do that also.
Saturday was crazy time. Had to meet my friend Chet for an online conference at 9am then flew up to Central Blood Bank to donate platelets. A totally easy process for me, I don't ever have any ill effects save some bruising. But I had planned on picking Merle up at 11:45 to go to lunch with Peg, Jean, and my aunt Ruth and cousin Pat. My blood wasn't moving fast enough through the machine even though I chose a good movie to watch while I was donating.... The Perfect Murder. Michael Douglas is such a cutie pie, he could murder me any old day. And I was trying to get things moving faster, pumping away at that little squeezy thing they give you. But the clock was ticking, ticking, ticking.... Finally they unhooked me at 12:05 and I went flying back to East Washington to pick up Marilyn. Starting to feel like a bird, maybe a turkey buzzard, by this time. Poor Merle, she had been pacing out in front of her apartment building for nearly 45 minutes by the time I drove up. We drove to The New Tower, a favorite family haunt with the best, bar none, shrimp in the world, at least according to Bill who has traveled over most of it.
The Tower has been the "New" Tower ever since I can remember, for at least 40 years. Guess a long time ago, they had a different location and when they moved, they named it the "New" Tower. Doesn't even have a tower; wouldn't have ever known it did but my Mom or someone once told me about the original spot. Anyway, I digress (this whole web journal is one big digression, I know.) Good thing Merle and I showed up because the rest of them were waiting!!! I wouldn't have waited for them.... I would have just gone ahead and eaten and if we would have shown up late, then oh well.
Had to eat in the non-smoking section because of Ruth, her emphysema (sp?) and besides no one there except Merle and I smoke anymore, the rest either never smoking or quitting by now (as has most of the country-- I'm a die hard smoker, pun very much intended.) It was a nice lunch and the shrimp was divine but by the time we got out of there, I wanted to smoke my brains out, it had been a long, long morning!!! I practically drove back home with a cigarette burning in each hand and one between my lips for good measure.
We went to Joe's nephew Jack's surprise 40th birthday party Saturday night. And babysat Lauren. Thank goodness, someone else there had a little girl just her age so she had a blast. We ate ggggoooooddddd! Joe's sister Connie makes the best meatballs, just like his mom used to. And besides cake and brownies and cookies for dessert, she had a huge platter of bowties. Yum.
Sunday, Heather cut my hair-- thank god, it was getting really outrageously out of hand. Helped Joe take down our awnings. They have seen better days; they're so brittle they almost fall apart in your hands! While he stashed away all the summer furniture in the basement, I attended an online meeting. Made an extra effort to stay up past my usual night-before-work bedtime of 8:30-9:00. Did the dishes, set up the coffee pot, fed the cat, and even got to read some of Their Eyes Were Watching God, by Zora Neale Hurston before crashing around 11:30.
I've decided it's utterly ridiculous that a 44 year old woman has to sleep ten hours each night. It leaves me no time at all to do so many things I want to do and it's nuts. So I'm going to make this effort all week to go to bed later and get up earlier and try to spend the better part of my days doing something besides sleeping! Hard, my bed is my refuge. It's "Beddie Hai" (like Bali Hai in South Pacific-- it calls to me, my own special bed....)
Guess I should go see about a shower and what I'm going to wear to work. It's always the days I wake up so nice and early that I end up screwing around and arrive late to work for one reason or another. Already, it's 5:43 and we've got to be out of her in a little over an hour. Joe's still snoozing. I took him in a mug of coffee but I can tell he's not up yet coz the shower isn't running. He worked like a dog yesterday, all that stupid stuff he had to carry downstairs, and my plants had to be brought in to the sunroom. All week, last week, I worried a frost would get them. Now if I can only keep them alive through winter (always a challenge when I forget to water them etc.) They do so much better outside in the summer, with rainwater at somewhat regular intervals!
Okey dokey. Well, now it's 6:07 (the street address I used to live at when
I was a little girl!) (Also the street address of the Andersons on Father Knows
Best-- which I confused with my family all the time while I was growing up, only
I sure as heck wasn't Kitten or Princess.) Anyway, I really have to be going.
They opened Beau Street the end of last week, thank you -- there really is a
God. Now we don't have to go 15 minutes out of our way to get on the
interstate this morning. Hope everyone has a good week. Hope we're not late
for work!
Sunday - October 11, 1998 - 1:25PM EDT
The Steelers are playing and they'd better win or the rest of my weekend will be shot. Joe is a total sweetheart except when the Steelers lose, then he turns into Moody Joe.
But hey, I can't complain, I turn into Moody Jan regularly, and in a heartbeat, for no explainable reasons. Happened to me yesterday and it was ugly. I woke up early, in a great mood. Came up to the third floor with my coffee and cigarettes. Got on this machine and talked to some old friends, emailed some others, and checked in with Writer's Village. All of a sudden, practically out of nowhere, I was freaking out. Had to go to bed, right then and there, no doubt about it. No place else on earth would have been safe. Very bizarre. It lasted on & off, for about 18 hours, then I felt fine again. It's like some hazy noxious wind blows through my mind and I can't find the exhaust fan switch anywhere. Prozac and xanax and kava kava help but it doesn't seem to be going away. It's always lurking there in the shadows ready to send me trembling to my bed, hiding from everything and everyone. Unfortunately, sleeping doesn't really make it go away. It follows me into my dreams, making them incredibly vivid, horrendous nightmares, where I'm carrying around my parents who are terribly ill and totally helpless, and I keep having to climb up and down these treacherous paths and cross over the dark, endless abyss on a thread no thicker than a human hair with mutant demons lashing out at me from all directions. Well, you get the gist.... makes my horror novel look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
Now that's out of the way, where was I? Spent part of today playing around with my home page index again; trying to make it more concise. I'm thinking of adding some pages and getting rid of others. When I'm in one of my moods, I think of scraping this whole idea.
Got up and watched "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" last night, during one of my better moments. It was pretty good but I'm sure I'd like the book better. The music was a nice touch though.
My cat, Sheba, has started going outside. She was always an indoor-only cat before. And I would have liked to have kept her that way but a few weeks ago, before we went to the Outer Banks, she snuck out and has been doing so daily, ever since. Our yard is fenced-in and she has her claws so I feel she's able to ward off wildlife but I worry she'll find her way around front and end up like Angel, a Siamese I used to have, or Auggie, Heather's black lab, both who got killed on Beau Street. My back yard is turning into Pet Semetary... with them and Saud (noble dog), and various fish, hamsters, etc. We let the vet take care of Jessica, another Siamese I had, when she was "put to sleep." Isn't that a nice thought, a comforting thought. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but I really think it should be an option for humans too. (They shoot horses don't they...)
Made the mistake of reading this back. God, I sound like one giant weenie, and have this terrible habit of writing one run-on sentence after another run-on sentence, cliches falling like snow during a blizzard. Oh well, it's just my journal... My friend Debbie, who I used to work with and still love, had this little push-pin on our bulletin board in the shape of a little pink pig. She wrote the word "Weenie" on it and would regularly use it to commenti on my wishy-washy-ness... the weenie pin, we called it! I miss Debbie. Still email her often and very occasionally, we get to have lunch, but I miss seeing her every day. She is too much.
Joe has informed me I'd better wrap this up. Asked him to keep a watch
on the clock for me. If someone doesn't remind me, I have a tendency to sit
up here at this machine for an unreal amount of time, with throwing my back out
in the process and other not-so-fun things resulting. Glad to have you drop by,
if you did, and if you didn't, that's okay too.
Friday - October 9, 1998 - 4:34PM EDT
My boss has left for the afternoon and I'm killing time for the next half hour. It's been an interesting day. A woman called and wanted to put my boss in the lock-up for an hour, for charity-- I thought it would be really funny but had a feeling he wouldn't agree so I told her he would be out of town the week in question. Not exactly a lie, I think he is going to be gone at least part of the time.
My boss runs a couple other businesses from our office besides his law practice. One is a not-very-busy construction business. Fending off jerks on that one phone line is a trip-- no one ever calls on it except pushy, rude, uncouth sales people. They never want to give their names and they want to know why my boss isn't available. They say the rudest things, "Well, you know what, Honey, I'll just keep trying and one of these days him when you're in the ladies room or on your lunch break, I'll get him, so there!" Jeez. They really wear on my nerves! Marilyn says to be as sickening sweet as possible but that always reminds me of a woman I used to work with (not closely). She had this voice that was like saccharine all the time-- like she had practiced being patronizing so many times that it stuck, like they say your face will freeze if you make too many horrible faces, her personality froze.
Had a fairly productive day for once. Got quite a few things done and my stuff organized. Starting to feel just a wee bit too comfortable here and that scares me ("what's going to go wrong now?") What a paranoid puss I am.
It's Friday and I always have to go to the bank Friday afternoon to make our deposits. Nice walk, at least this time of year. Past St. Paul's Cathedral. It's stunning with full-size statues carved into the stone work above the arched doorways. Trying to remember, I read somewhere why some churches are cathedrals and others are just churches. Couldn't believe it, I thought it was just a fancy sort of name for a church, not a bonafide difference.
Welp, it's 5:00..... quitting time. I'm outta here for a couple of days...
talk to you from home over the weekend, I hope....
Thursday - October 8, 1998 - 7:21PM EDT
A weird evening. I was waiting for Joe to pick me up after work, leaning on a concrete planter in front of Webster Hall on Fifth Avenue, smoking as many cigarettes as possible. It was only about 5:15 but all the cars and buses going by had their lights on-- looked like winter was a coming fast. I’ve been noticing leaves turning colors since we've been back from North Carolina. And the other night, Lauren found a big, black wooly worm on our back porch. Aren’t they supposed to be predictors of bad winter weather? I’m not ready for this. In a couple more weeks, daylight savings time will be over then it'll been getting dark really early. Really hate that. Still trying to figure out where the summer of 1998 went. Time just goes faster and faster and faster, until it’s just a big blur.
Talked to a writer friend in Malaysia using ICQ last night. It’s so bizarre. We live on opposite sides of the world but still have so much in common. She was telling me about her mother who is getting older and having some problems remembering. I'm still not over losing my parents of course. Still breaks my heart to think back on the last few years. So very hard watching your parents grow old. Probably not as hard as watching yourself grow old... if I'm lucky, I guess I'll find out.
I'm not in a bad mood, sorry if it sounds that way. Joe had a doctor's appointment after work so I'm killing time writing. At least it's not as late as usual, like last night when I was practically falling asleep online!
A cousin sent me this really wild website to go to. Had these mind games that I knew were tricks but I'll be damned if I could figure out how they did them. I was going to send the URL to all my friends but before I did, I told Joe about it. He logged on and noticed the links at the end (stuff like "HOT BABES", and whatnot.) Checked a couple of them out and man, it was as raw as it gets except they said it would be even better (?!?) if you joined. I'm all for freedom of speech and other things but it does startle you when you're not used to it. Anyway, I'm glad I found out before I sent it to everyone. Boy, would I have been embarrassed!
Ah, Joe is back from the doctor. Great! And his blood pressure is down. Even better!! And he's going to fix dinner. Oh, be still my heart!!!
Chicken Fried Rice and General Hospital. Life is too good.
Wednesday - October 7, 1998 - 9:39PM EDT
Went back to work today. Everyone was so nice, welcoming me back, even the guy from the Deli and clients on the phone. Made going back not nearly as bad as I thought it might be. If I were paranoid, I’d think "This is how they sucker you in, you know. Be nice to you. Yeah, that’s what they do." Lucky thing I’m not paranoid. Just because I’m smoking two cigarettes and drinking all at one time doesn’t mean anything, other than I’m very tired and very thirsty and very addicted to nicotine and very orally fixated.
Talked to my brother in San Antonio last night. He said they’ve had something like seven months straight of 90 degree temperatures. That’s hot. I don’t think I could deal with heat like that. It was supposed to be cooler here today, highs in the upper 60’s, low 70’s. I wore a turtleneck to work and thought I was gonna die—had to crank up that air conditioning real high before this afternoon was over. Of course being 44 and female doesn’t help. I’m in a perpetual hot flash. I like to have fans around at all times. Even when there is air conditioning, I like to feel the air actually moving around. Otherwise, you never know when I might start "sweatin’ like a pig" as an old boss of mine used to say. That was always a pleasant thing to hear.
I’m finally reading something worth talking about... Patchwork Planet by Anne Tyler. First real book I’ve gotten into in months. The main character, Barnaby, is so great as her characters always are. How does she do it? She makes it look effortless. I'm in awe.
A number of friends in my study group at Writers Village University are getting some much deserved attention-- publishing poetry, short stories, interviews. I'm really happy for them but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm also a litte jealous. They all seem to be doing so much with their talents and I just sit here, stagnating. I blame it on time, never have enough time to write what I'd like, the way I'd like to write it. But the truth is, most of them do much more than I do in their "normal" lives, with jobs and families and other activities. So, maybe it's not time that is the problem. Maybe it's just me.
But it's late, and I'm too tired to care at this point. I got through today, that was a major accomplishment. Sometimes it's the most major thing of all, just getting through a day. And today wasn't bad. So, I'll shut-up and quit complaining! Catch you later.
Tuesday - October 6, 1998 - 9:47AM EDT
We're back from vacation and I'm feeling a bit disoriented-- what day is it, what month is it, who am I, etc. etc.
Corolla, Whalehead Beach, and the ocean were unbelievably beautiful, the waves rolling in sensuously, foamy like soda pop, the sky that Carolina blue, crystal clear during the day and a star-speckled dome at night. I wonder, were we really there or was I just dreaming?
My cousins, PW and Jean, came down to visit with us one day and night. The wine poured freely and it was a blast, as always, talking with them. We decided we wanted to stay forever. If only that darn Marilyn would have done her part & found a job to support us, we could have!
I would have had to come home for Heather, Lauren, Growlf and Sheba, and my computer, but having gathered them all, I would gladly move there. Maybe one of these days (if only we would win the lottery… if only we played the lottery.)
Came home to …. Construction… so what else is new? It appears as if they’ve paved half of the street while we were gone. Why is it taking them , let me think, we’re on our 8th month now? We’re not talking about I-95 for goodness sake, just a couple of measly short blocks of East Beau Street. I do not understand. When we were at the beach, workmen were across the street building yet another new house. Marilyn’s bedroom had a little deck off it that looked right out on the construction. I felt bad, we were listening to the surf while she was listening to "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP" and the roar of bulldozers and such. But she said it was just like being home!
Watched dolphins or were they porpoise, I never know the difference, jumping and playing right past where the waves were breaking. And pelicans flying by, in formation— they looked like cartoon characters when they landed and took off from the water. A number of crows were hanging out near our house. I was convinced one of them was my dad and two others looked an awful lot like my mom and her friend Rita. Marilyn said I was freaking her out but those birds follow me everywhere. Something is up with them, that’s for sure. I threw leftover potato chips and tortilla chips and bread out for them the day we were leaving. One of them had this huge tortilla chip in his mouth— seemed to be searching for some Pace Picante Sauce to dip it into…. It was my dad, what else can I say!
I’ve got lots more to write but I’m out of cigs so it will have to wait for another time.
Thanks for reading.
Friday - September 25, 1998 - 7:55AM EDT
Got to talk to Peggy Weggy Angel and Jean in Va Beach last night. They sounded good. I can't wait to see them. They wanted us to come spend Saturday night there. Which I would love but if we drive all the way to Va Beach, that's 10 hours. We usually stop around Fredericksburg, Va instead... six hours in the car is enough for me. So we'll see them Sunday. Found out how they sent me email and got to leave a message in my guestbook. Dave's friend Karen let them use her computer.
Speaking of the PW and Jean, I hear Patty Fletcher, in Charlotte, has a new computer. I sent my email and web page address to her via PW but she hasn't written to me yet. Are you out there somewhere Patty? I'm still waiting to hear from you.
It was Joe's idea to take today off even though we don't leave until tomorrow-- smart man, that Joe. It works out well for Heather also since Lauren is off school today-- inservice day-- and we can watch her. Hear them coming in from outside now.
Lauren is here! She says she has flubber which she got from her school. Since when do they give out flubber at school??? "Just right now, in play group", she tells me. (She has play group and extended after school care every day after her morning kindergarten class.) She also says she has a pimple but I don't see it. Oh yes I do, it's a little spot. She's got something to show me-- "really, really, really special" (Can't wait-- she's gone downstairs to get it.)
Watched a little bit of the weather channel, guess Hurricane Georges is headed right for the Florida Keys. Looks as if my aunt Patty might be getting some bad weather around Port St. Lucie on Florida's east coast. Hope it's not too bad. Don't confuse my aunt Patty with my cousin, Patty Fletcher or my other cousin, Patty Klick. And don't confuse my cousin, Peggy Weggy Angel with my other cousin, Peggy Wood who lives in South Bend. Both are really named Margaret, as is my niece, but we call her Maggie. As someone once said of my family, "Peggy and Patty, Peggy and Patty-- are those the only two names your family ever uses?"
Wondering where my buddy Deb has been lately. She went to Canada for a week but I thought she was supposed to come back last Friday. I haven't heard from her yet and I miss her. Sent her an email this morning and if she doesn't respond, I may have to break down and use the telephone (gee, what a novel idea.)
Lauren is back and brought the "really, really, really special" things to show me. I'll report to you as I see them.... First she has Charlie Bear. (Charlie Bear is a stuffed brown, Precious Moments bear that Mee Maw gave Lauren a long time ago. Lauren takes him everywhere.) Next, she has a Titantic key chain! (Lauren is a Titanic fanatic. She's watched the movie a gazillion times and loves Rose and especially Jack.) She is showing me, on her keychain, where Jack and Rose were, "running on the deck cause she got upset from Cal probably." She will not let her friends play with the key chain for 2 days "cause they're bad with keychains." Lauren also has a puppet that she made from a paper bag and crayons and little cut up triangles that she tells me were already cut up, they didn't get to cut them. And she has flashcards.... Beginning Sight Words.... Okay, now she's going to have to read them to me. Hmmm, not bad, she read "Go, At, Old, And, Ask" Wow, what a smartie! She also has a bag of M&M's which her Mommy said she "had to share" so she will! PapPap is taking her to McDonalds drive thru to get breakfast. I notice as she leaves, she takes Charlie Bear and those M&M's with her. She's knows her Nana... if she left them, those M&M's would probably mysteriously disappear before she got back!
Guess I'd better get off. Have a wonderful Friday... I know I will.
Wednesday - September 23, 1998 - 9:42PM EDT
Time to "Head 'em up and move 'em out" as Mr. Majors always use to say. And usually that was followed by the crack of a whip and some old guy yelling, "Yee Haw!" I like old westerns-- can you tell?
Anyway, tried to get on here tonight and add a bit to my journal when all of a sudden, it was like my keys just stopped working right in the middle of a word and wouldn't type any more. Figured it was time to move some old entries out and start anew. Not sure why it worked, but it did, so, for awhile anyway, I'll continue to write.
[Dr. Steve has a web page!] He's selling his ultra cool Karman Ghia (sp?) I'd buy it if I had any money... it's so pretty.
Remember how I told you how great my job was and how my boss couldn't find anyone to take my place? Well, last week I was talking to the bookkeeper who comes in once a week (often at night) and she had this idea... why not share the job. As in, she would do it 2 days and I'd do it 3. And that way everyone would get what they need-- I'd have time to write but still be making some money, and she would be making some money but still have time to spend with her kids, and the boss would have two people he already knew and could depend on. Sounded good... so that's what we're going to do!
I'm pretty excited about it actually. Joe & I are leaving for Corolla this weekend so I'll be off work starting this Friday and won't be back until October the 7th. A couple of weeks after that, Chris, the bookkeeper, will be ready to start working her two days. So... neato!!
Speaking of exciting... that sneaky Peggy Weggy Angel from Va. Beach somehow managed to find her way on here and leave me a message in my guestbook. How cool is that? I've been wanting her to get a computer forever but she's stubborn as all get out. But now that she's found her way here, maybe she'll think about it. Go PW!
We will be stopping in to see her and the Hoppers on our way to North Carolina. That should be a blast. And this time, Marilyn is going with us. She's offered to be the chef for the trip. She was reading me some recipes from her favorite magazine, Food & Wine, and I was practically drooling! "Yee Haw", this sure beats Cookie and the old beans & stuff he usually serves up (or would, if we had old Cookie around to serve up anything.) Come to think of it, that might not be too bad either since my idea of cooking dinner is getting Osso's Pizza or Bob Evans. To paraphrase Richard Nixon (& quote an old friend), "I AM NOT A COOK."
So, we're off to see the wizard of Ozzie and Harriet. Whatever that means. Where that infamous song "If I only had a hard-on" came from. (I'm allowed to say stuff like that now that Monica is on the nightly news, right?) I think so.
I think if I hear any more about Monica, I just might barf up those old beans, Cookie!
Ah well, the hour is getting late (it's half past silly.) Hope I get a chance to write in here before we go to the beach. Hope Hurricane Georges doesn't meet us at the beach. Hope you all are well and happy and keep coming back to read this even though it doesn't make any sense.
Good night.
Sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.