The following are Sins in the eyes of The Potato:
101. Putting the "bop" in the "bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop" and the "ram" in the "ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong." We liked our a-lam-a-lam-a-ding-dong just fine the way it was.
102. Using the phrase "diarrhea of the mouth."
103. Waving your hands in the air like you just don't care, or exhorting others to do so.
104. Sticking pennies, M & Ms, or chocolate chips up your nose.
105. Turning the TV on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off...
106. Locking someone in the bathroom.
107.
108. Wearing suspenders on your underwear.
109. Bathing regularly in creosote to build up an immunity to it so that you can hug railroad ties.
110. Putting 50 cents in the newspaper dispenser, then taking all of the papers.
111.
112. Making an entire duct tape outfit, including shoes, jersey, and hat.
113. Going through library books and adding unnecessary áccèñts, tíldés, and ümlaüts.
114. Throwing wads of money at the opposing goalie to distract him.
115. Saying "Hi" to the same person every few minutes.
116. Singing a perverted version of "Yankee Doodle" about Mike Engle and his mother.
117. Growing your thumbnail long so you can gouge people's eyes out with it.
118. Driving your car in the secret seventh gear.
119. Feeling claustrophobic while driving down the highway.
120.
121. Passing the Pep Boys store without remarking, "Manny and Moe kicked the bucket, and it hit Jack in the head and killed him."
122. Sneaking into someone's house and deleting all opf the cutom players in their hockey video game.
123. Singing the first seven words of "Yellow Submarine" over and over.
124. Building a ship out of the uncut fingernails of dead people.
125. Running off to use the bathroom during your performance in the superbowl halftime show.
126. Discovering that your computer's spell-checker doesn't recognize "Internet."
127.
128.
129.
130. Registering to vote under the Anarchy Party.
131. Stabbing someone with a church bulletin.
132. Making an off-center magnet with ends labeled "NW" and "SE."
133. Taco sex.
134. Icing.
135. Insisting that the plural of "RBI" should be "RsBI," not "RBIs," because it's "Runs Batted In," not "Run Batted Ins."
136. Putting glue on your hand so you can let it dry and peel it off for fun.
137. Touching the walls for pleasure.
138. Using the expression "Oh crap! I gotta urinate!"
139. Answering a "why" question with "To make you ask questions!"
140. Neglecting to monitor your tugor pressure.
141. Ignoring spherical aberration.
142. Knowing someone who actually won a Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes.
143. Leaving your compass plugged in all night.
144. Chewing gum in school if you didn't bring enough for the whole class.
145. Printing a newspaper without headlines to prevent readers from discriminating against stories on the basis of the headline.
146. Drooling on the carpet.
147. Losing a giant picture of Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson.
148. Breaking a hockey stick over someone's face.
149. Stuffing someone in a barrel full of nails and rolling it down the hill.
150. Kicking the extra point (always always always go for two).
151. Doing actual road work for PennDOT.
152.
153. Landing your spaceship on the Nazca lines.
154.
155.
156.
157. Calling the remote control a "channeler" or "selector."
158. Revealing that the entire concept of "Area 51" is a hoax -- even the UFO maniacs you see on TV are actors.
159. Trying to summon Darth Vader by playing "The Imperial March" over and over.
160. Bending a spoon back and forth until it gets really hot, then burning people with it.
161. Using a spork.
162. Tying granny knots.
163.
164. Licking condensation off the toilet.
165. Unscrewing one Christmas light a tiny little bit so that they all go out.
166. Believing that 50% should be a "C", because 50% is halfway between 0% and 100%, and C is halfway between F- and A+.
167. Playing "Taps" at dawn and "Reville" at sunset.
168. Answering "9" to every question in math class.
169. Answering "9" to every question in Spanish class.
170. Being allergic to water.
171. Digging half of a hole.
172.
173.
174. Smoking discarded cigarette butts.
175. Doing research in the field of spectroscopy just because it gives you an excuse to say "spectroscopy."
176. Singing the words to a song on the radio before the singer does, to prove you know the song.
177.
178. Crush, crush, never let go.
179. Driving your boat over someone.
180. Scraping up all the frost in your yard to make a tiny little snowman.
181.
182. Trying to sabotage the band by yelling "One, two, three, four!" when they're playing in 3/4 time.
183.
184. Denying or concealing your embarrassing middle name.
185.
186. Stating that your favorite color is "chameleon."
187.
188. Trying to play a CD by spinning it on your finger and shining a flashlight at the bottom.
189. Founding a fraternity whose name is spelled in Norse runes, rather than Greek letters.
190.
191. Using one pencil to make grooves in another.
192. Coloring the erasers on pencils with magic markers.
193. Accusing someone of being a robot.
194. Baking 300 loaves of the Bread of Evil.
195. Forgetting to flush after you use the outhouse.
196. Debating whether the plural of "mongoose" is "mongooses" or "mongeese."
197. Using the hockey defnintion of "check" in half-court basketball.
198. Going to college with a major in Flintknapping.
199. Talking like an Elementary School English book ("How unusual your lighter is! What a big veterinarian you have!")
200. Putting a support pole in the middle of a room.
Contact the Pope: eemeet_meeker@hotmail.com
All material © 1999-2001 by Eemeet Meeker Online Enterprises, except the stuff we stole from other people as indicated in the credits.