JC stares at AJ from across the hall and AJ nods in acknowledgement to him. AJ never hated JC like the others did for one reason or another that JC didn’t know. Probably because he still felt bad about stealing his girlfriend that one time when he was younger. Of course he stole Chris’s too and never felt bad about that. JC watches as AJ disappears into his room and shuts his door behind him and then shuts his door also.
“This can not be good,” he sighs and walks over to his bags to begin unpacking. Of course he found a problem when he realized all this things were not going to fit in the dresser supplied to him, so he kept his sweaters folded up and in his duffel bag hoping that they wouldn’t get wrinkled. For some reason JC had always found a need to be a neat freak ever since he got into the music business. Chris said it was because he needed to feel like he was in control of something in his life while the rest of it spinned out of control into the black void known as pop life. He walks into the bathroom and puts his toiletries on the counter then looks at his watch, 12 noon. Lunchtime.
JC walks down the stairs and walks down the hallway to the left of the staircase as you come in the building to the dining room. Dining room was probably a fancier name the people who owned it called the place to make it sound nicer, but it looked like a cafeteria to JC with nicer tables and chairs. He falls in line with the other residents getting a few looks from people here and there. He hated the feeling that people were always watching him whispering behind his back when they thought he wasn’t looking. The fallen teen idol druggie, that’s what they were probably saying.
JC picks out a sandwich and a cup of noodles, adds water to the noodles and takes a seat at an empty table. He sits poking his noodles with a fork as he catches glances from others here and there every so often and then they would turn and mumble something to a friend.
“Hey,” a voice says from above him snapping JC back to reality as he watches AJ take a seat across from him.
“Hey,” JC says to AJ glad that he had some company even though his company was supposed to hate him. I didn’t know you were going to one of these,” AJ says as he puts a brown paper bag on the table and pulls out two rolls, a Sobe carton drink energy and a baggie with four slices of some deli meat JC couldn’t recognize.
"I could say the same for you,” he says and watches as AJ takes out two slices of meat and puts them in between each roll,” What are you doing?”
“Eating,” AJ says staring at JC oddly.
“What is that?”
“Mortadela sandwiches.”
“What is that and why does it have white stuff in it?”
“It’s Italian. Rachel gave me them before I left for lunch.”
“Oh,” no one had bothered to give him anything,” Why are you here?”
“I have my reasons.”
“What’s your drug of choice then?”
“I don’t do drugs,” he says taking a bite of his sandwich.
“Then why are you here?”
“Alcoholism…”
“Alcoholism?”
“And depression.”
“Depression?” JC stares at him. There was no way in hell AJ McLean could have depression he thought. AJ always seemed to be one of the happiest people on the God forsaken Earth and JC always wanted to have his life. AJ nods taking a sip of his drink,” You?”
“Cocaine,” JC says finally taking a bite of his sandwich.
“Coke? Damn that’s dangerous man.”
“Not any more then what you were doing.”
“I guess you’re right. So what step are you on?”
“Step?”
"You know of the twelve step program?” AJ says staring at him oddly,” I’m on two.”
“Oh I don’t know.”
“Do you know any of them?”
“No.”
“JC. JC,” AJ says pulling a folded up paper from his pocket and taking it out for JC to read.
“One, We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable. Two, We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Four, We did a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Five, We admitted to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Six, We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Seven, We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Eight, We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Nine, We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Ten, We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Eleven, We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only of knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Twelve, Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs,” JC finishes the list and stares down at it,” I guess I’m at two too, but I don’t go for the whole God thing.” AJ stares at him and chokes on his Sobe before getting it down,” You don’t believe in God?”
“No, I don’t.”
“How can you not believe in a higher power?”
“I never said I didn’t believe in a higher power. I said I didn’t believe in God.”
“It’s the same thing. Yahweh, Allah, whatever name you call Him He’s still God. All roads lead to God.”
“When did you get so religious?”
“I dunno. I think I should stop hanging out with Brian so much. So how do you know you are on 2 then?”
“Because I believe there is something that can get me to stop this shit.”
“I’m worried about 4,” AJ says taking the paper back and stuffing it into his back pocket.
“What’s the big deal it’s an inventory?”
“A moral inventory,” AJ corrects him,” And I’ve done some pretty stupid things when I was drunk and I don’t feel like reliving them. 8, 9 and 10 are all bad too. I don’t feel like admitting some things I’ve done.”
“Like what?”
“Cheating on Rachel when I was drunk out of my mind. I think she knows, but she doesn’t like it waved in her face. You understand?”
“All to well.”
“I guess we are going to get what we deserve though right?”
“I dunno.”
“Addiction, she plays a wicked game,” AJ sighs,” Welcome to my world she said. Do you feel alive she said? It’s all a bad dream spinning in your only head. Welcome to my world she said. Separate at will she stayed, separated. Down poison. Down poison. Down poison. Down. Anyway I’ll see you later,” AJ says standing up from the table,” I gotta go call me mom and then Rach. If you need me I’m right across the hall.”
JC stares as he watches AJ walk away from the table throwing his trash out and smiling at people as he leaves the room. Every person he smiled at smiled back. JC goes back to finishing his sandwich, alone with his thoughts again. He still couldn’t believe AJ had depression. He didn’t even act half as depressed as he or Justin for that matter acted most of the time. Maybe that meant Justin and himself were farther gone then AJ. As soon as he was done lunch he walks out of the room, but stops in the middle of the hallway. He had nowhere to go and nothing to do. He could call his mom, but he didn’t feel like dealing with his mom yelling at him and he didn’t feel like talking to any of the guys. It was bets for him to go to his room and just sit there he figured and started walking down the hall again. He walks around the corner and slams into someone knocking the other person to the floor.
“Sorry,” a boy with tasseled blond hair falling into his gray eyes says looking up at him.
“No it’s ok,” JC says as the boy gets up. He used the term boy loosely because the person in front of him looked young, younger then even Justin. He was thin too like him and AJ were, but he didn’t have the muscles to fill out his body frame instead he looked too thin. Despite the fact that he was too thin looking he had a healthy tan to his skin and reminded JC of a surfer. He wore a pair of black cargo pants that were three sizes too big for him and were held up with a belt, black boots, and a black T-shirt that said Boybands Suck across it in white lettering.
“Damn people will only let me stay on the phone for fifteen minutes at a time,” AJ says walking up to JC and the boy who was still standing there,” Hey, Chase,” he nods at the boy.
"Hi, um I really gotta go eat. I’ll talk to you later ok,” he says to AJ and continues to walk past JC without another glance.
“You know him?” JC asks AJ.
“I met him in line at the store in here. Gum?” AJ holds out a stick.
“No thanks.”
“I figure I might as well quit smoking while I’m here too. Kill two birds with one stone ya know?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s a heroine addict.”
“He told you?”
“No, but look at his arms next time. He’s got tracks going up and down both of them. Now that is a bad drug. Ladies,” AJ nods at two passing women who smile at him and say, Hi AJ, in response.
“How do you know all these people?”
“I talk a lot and to anyone who will listen. All you have to do is take the incentive, but you look unapproachable.”
“I do not.”
“Yes, you do. Trust me you do especially here. You walk around with this pissed off face like someone kicked you in the balls or something.”
“I do not.”
“Whatever you say.”
JC spent the rest of the day getting to know almost everyone in the rehab clinic that AJ could fine to talk too. There were far too many Marys though. After a few they all started to look a like, but AJ seemed to have a memory as accurate as a computer’s. JC also soon found out that AJ was in his group for group therapy and the more time JC spent with AJ the harder it felt to believe he had depression.
“It’s three. Time for group therapy,” AJ says looking at JC.
“What are you looking at me for?”
“I thought I had bad hair before,” AJ smirks and starts walking down the hall and into room #9 on the bottom floor.
JC stares at him, runs a hand through his hair and then follows him into a room. As soon as he gets inside he finds five different people staring at him from chairs that were in the shape of a circle. Among them was the boy he had run into, Chase. Two Marys. One was an older woman in her mid thirties with green eyes and brown hair named Mary J. The second was Mary G. and she was black, around his age by her look, long black hair with the tips red and big brown eyes. There was an older man in his fifties it looked named Tommy with thinning hair and blue eyes behind glasses. The other was a guy around his age also named Derek who had bright green jade eyes, dirty blond hair and a healthy tan to his skin. JC took a seat next to AJ who was sitting next to Chase who was stretched out on the chair legs reaching to the middle of the circle and arms crossed across his chest.
“Hello everyone,” a thin black woman with cheerful eyes walks into the room shutting the door behind her,” Ah two new faces,” she smiles at AJ and JC,” Alexander and Joshua.”
“AJ,” AJ adds. “
JC,” JC adds in after AJ.
“Ok AJ and JC. I’m Marilyn the counselor for this group, so if you have any question you can ask me. Now how are you two doing?”
“Fine,” they both say.
“I take it you both know each other?”
“Not on good terms before,” AJ says getting looks from people in the group including Marilyn.
“Ok. Well first we need you to start on the first step. Admitting you have a problem, so does one of you want to go first?”
“I’m AJ,” AJ says standing up.
“And?” Marilyn looks at him.
JC stares up at AJ and for once he could actually tell something he hadn’t seen before. AJ’s whole face feel and his eyes darkened. He could believe AJ had depression now. The other AJ was defensive mode he guessed when he didn’t want others to get close to him. The look he had now was one he saw very often on his own face and Justin’s before the two of them would go on a coke binge.
“And I’m an alcoholic,” AJ says staring at her.
“Why are you here, AJ?”
“People in my life were worried about me and I started to get worried about myself. I was drinking too much, staying out too late, lying to people and I just wasn’t myself,” he sighs.
“It says more on here then just alcohol AJ,” Marilyn says
“Do I really need to deal with that here?”
“Yes.”
“And I have depression,” AJ sighs looking at the ground.
JC could actually see the looks in the peoples’ eyes in the group when he said that that they couldn’t believe it. He knew what they were thinking how could a guy who has so much be depressed. How could a guy with millions at 23 be depressed? A guy with a big house, nice cars, friends, a girlfriend guys would love and he was depressed. As the saying goes all alone in a crowded room.
“Thank you, AJ,” Marilyn smiles
“And if you clap for me I will be forced to hurt you,” AJ says as sits down.
“Thank God no more clapping,” Derek says.
“JC?”
“Um,” JC says standing up, ”I’m JC and….”
“And?” Marilyn
“I’m a cocaine addict,” he says and gets more shocked looks then he thought possible from the group.
“Why are you here JC?”
“Because I overdosed last night and my heart stopped in my hotel room…”
This made AJ’s head snap up and look at him.
“When I came to I was in the hospital with a tube down my throat helping me breath. My manager and my parents decided it would be best if I entered rehab instead of going to prison for drug possession. I did seven lines in ten minutes.”
“Thank you JC,” Marilyn says.
JC sits down and looks at AJ who is staring at him.
“Are you sureeee you’re not the depressed one out of the two of us,” AJ smiles.
“I dunno maybe there are two of us.”
“Life’s a bitch.”
“And then you die,” JC adds nodding.
The rest of the session went by with the others telling what their problem’s were. AJ was right about Chase he was a heroine addict since age 14 and he was 19 now. Derek took pills, preferably vicodin. Mary G. was a heroine addict. Mary J and Tom were both alcoholics and when they said so JC looked over to see AJ’s eyes widen. AJ mumbled something to him about him not wanting to be like that when he was that age. Then they told Marilyn about their progress and more emotional talk. JC found out later from Derek who was sitting next to him it was Tom’s third time back to rehab. He didn’t think AJ needed to hear that though, so he kept it to himself.
As soon as the session was over he followed AJ who was following behind Chase and Derek to the game room which consisted of a pool table, ping pong table, darts, scuffle board, “Who plays scuffle board?”, was AJ’s response, chess board, checker board, and a few arcade games. Derek and Chase decided to play against AJ and JC in pool and JC knew he was going to be no help to AJ, but judging how AJ played he didn’t need it. It was fifteen minutes into the game when Derek pulls off his sweater he was wearing and walks around wearing a t-shirt he had underneath it. JC stares at him and then looks at AJ who was breaking into a grin and starts laughing.
“That’s great man,” AJ looks at Derek taking a shot and hitting the ball into a pocket,” Whatever floats your boat man,” he says looking at Derek’s black shirt that said I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is.
“You ok with it?” Derek looks at JC.
“Yeah, It’s just.”
“I don’t look gay right?”
“Yeah.”
“I like to think of myself as a nonsterotypical gay man.”
“That’s not a word,” Chase says.
“Well now it is. I just made it up.”
“Wait. Wait,” AJ says putting down his pool stick,” Serious question for you Derek. Whose hotter me or JC?”
Derek breaks into laughter as JC stares at AJ.
“That’s me I win,” AJ smiles.
“You’re both too skinny,” Derek smiles.
It was going to be a long stay in rehab for JC he was sure of that, but maybe it wasn’t going to be as bad as he thought it was going to be.
