Not What it Was Before - Staind lyrics
from the album "14 Shades of Grey"

PRICE TO PLAY

We fail to see how destructive we can be,
Taking without giving back til the damage can be seen, can you see?
The more you take, the more you blame, but everything still feels the same.
The more you hurt, the more you strain, the price you pay to play the game,
And all you seek and all you gain and all you step on with no shame,
There are no rules, no one to blame, the price to play the game.
Apathy, the chosen way to be,
Blindly look the other way while you waste away with me, can you see?
The more you take, the more you blame, but everything still feels the same.
The more you hurt, the more you strain, the price you pay to play the game,
And all you seek and all you gain and all you step on with no shame,
There are no rules, no one to blame, the price to play the game.
What you pay to play the game.

HOW ABOUT YOU

If someone else showed you the way, would you take the wheel and steer?
It hurts me that you're not ashamed of what you're doing here.
If they jumped off a bridge, would you meet them on the ground,
Or would you try and claim that it never made a sound?
Everyone plays the hand they're dealt and learns to walk through life themselves.
Not everything in life is handed on a plate.
When people think your words are true, it doesn't matter what you do.
I sold my soul to get here, how about you?
So you choose to force your hand, what a strange way to make friends,
And you always change the rules so the drama never ends,
And you blindly go through life judging only by its worth.
Just try not to forget that the meek inherit earth.
Everyone plays the hand they're dealt and learns to walk through life themselves.
Not everything in life is handed on a plate.
When people think your words are true, it doesn't matter what you do.
I sold my soul to get here, how about you?
So please don't take offence, this is just a point of view,
Cause I'm the only one who will say these things to you.

SO FAR AWAY

This is my life, its not what it was before, all these feelings I've shared,
And these are my dreams that I'd never lived before,
Somebody shake me cause I must be sleeping.
Now that we're here, it's so far away, all the struggle we thought was in vain.
All the mistakes one life contained, they all finally start to go away.
Now that we're here, it's so far away and I feel like I can face the day.
I can forgive and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today.
These are my words that I've never said before, I think I'm doing okay,
And this is the smile that I've never shown before.
Somebody shake me cause I must be sleeping.
Now that we're here, it's so far away, all the struggle we thought was in vain.
All the mistakes one life contained, they all finally start to go away.
Now that we're here, it's so far away and I feel like I can face the day.
I can forgive and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today.
I'm so afraid of waking, please don't shake me.

YESTERDAY

You don't know what you've put me through; it's okay, I've forgiven you,
But in some way, hope it fucks with you that I'm okay and I've made it through,
But who's to say what you're going through?
I'll say no names, though I've wanted to, isn't it strange how it seems like
Yesterday, a boy and already afraid, locked deep inside my place to hide,
To hide from how you made me feel, and I wonder, how's your brother?
Did he end up fucked up like me, lost in himself, crying for help? It's safe to say.
I learned to live without a pride, just a shell with me stuck on the inside,
A prison, not a place to hide, but I'm okay and I've made it through,
But who's to say what you're going through?
I'll say no names, though I've wanted to, isn't it strange how it seems like
Yesterday, a boy and already afraid, locked deep inside my place to hide,
To hide from how you made me feel and I wonder, how's your brother?
Did he end up fucked up like me, lost in himself, crying for help? It's safe to say.
Yesterday, a boy and already afraid, locked deep inside my place to hide,
To hide from how you made me feel, and I wonder, how's your brother?
Did he finally pull through like me, finding himself, not needing help? I'd like to say.

FRAY

I know that it never goes away, all I feel, everything I'm not today,
So I try and I try to make everything right, I don't feel like I'm doing it, it affects me.
You wouldn't listen even if I told you, who the fuck am I to say?
You're too busy with the lies they sold you, another cure to fix the day.
Open wide for all the shit they feed you while the TV defecates,
And blindly walk wherever they will lead you while the edges slowly fray.
I know that everything can change, what I need is to open up again,
So never again will I look back in vain cause today's not the past, I don't need to relive it.
You wouldn't listen even if I told you, who the fuck am I to say?
You're too busy with the lies they sold you, another cure to fix the day.
Open wide for all the shit they feed you while the TV defecates,
And blindly walk wherever they will lead you while the edges slowly fray.
Are you satisfied I've given all I can and are you pacified or do you want more from me?
I've learned that this life's not just a game, just a line between the pleasures and the pain.

ZOE JANE

Well I want you to notice when I'm not around,
And I know that your eyes see straight through me and speak to me without a sound.
I want to hold you, protect you from all of the things I've already endured,
And I want to show you all the things that this life has in store for you.
I'll always love you the way that a father should love his daughter.
When I walked out this morning, I cried as I walked to the door,
I cried about how long I'd be away for, I cried about leaving you all alone.
I want to hold you, protect you from all of the things I've already endured,
And I want to show you all the things that this life has in store for you.
I'll always love you the way that a father should love his daughter, sweet Zoe Jane.
So I wanted to say this cause I wouldn't know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through, to explain where your daddy has been.

FILL ME UP

I just had to let you know, cause I don't always let it show,
You give me needed room to grow and I just had to tell you so.
You fill me up, you're in my veins, a look could take my breath away,
And all these things you give away, sometimes I take for granted.
It's just like poetry inside to hear you breathing by my side,
Like I'm in Heaven and I've died, so glad you're with me for this ride.
You fill me up, you're in my veins, a look could take my breath away,
And all these things you give away, sometimes I take for granted.
I see your face to start my day, makes all my bad dreams go away,
And all the stupid games we play, wouldn't have it any other way.

LAYNE

I heard today that you were gone, I had to stop and sing along,
The song they played to say goodbye, a song that gave me back life.
You'll never fade, the words you gave, my life you saved, your name was Layne.
And on that day a child was born to someone who you helped along
And helped see through his darkest times, because of you this child she is mine.
You'll never fade, the words you gave, my life you saved, your name was Layne.
The words you said, you made me feel like they were all for me.
The words you said, they will always be a part of me.
The words you said, you made me feel like I was not alone.
The words you said, you gave me all the strength to carry on.
So to me you'll never fade, your life you gave, my life you saved, your name was Layne.

FALLING DOWN

What's happened to you? It's obvious you've changed.
Something deep inside you is probably to blame.
Must be lonely up there with your head up in the clouds.
Even though you got there, what does your conscience tell you now?
It's never the same on the way down, how does it feel when your feet finally hit the ground,
When all of your bridges aren't around and the sandcastles you built are falling down?
You had us all sitting right there in your hands,
But you had to fall because that's how this life is.
Got your fingers burned by burning candles at both ends,
Now the table's turned and now your demons are your friends.
It's never the same on the way down, how does it feel when your feet finally hit the ground,
When all of your bridges aren't around and the sandcastles you built are falling down?
So now I question what you're gonna do now that everything's gone up with you.
You believe the shit you say is true, but everybody's on to you.
Life remembers everything you do, your karma has caught up with you.

REALITY

The lights are on but you're not home, you've drifted off somewhere alone,
Somewhere that's safe, no questions here, a quiet place where you hide from your fears.
Sometimes when you're out of rope, the way to climb back up's unclear.
The walls you build around yourself, I guess they also keep you here.
Are you afraid of what they think, whoever 'they' happen to be,
Or are you hiding from the scars of your own reality?
So you sedate and drown in vain, you've got a pill for every day,
A suit and tie to mask the truth, its ugly head is starting to show through.
Sometimes when you're out of rope, the way to climb back up's unclear.
The walls you build around yourself, I guess they also keep you here.
Are you afraid of what they think, whoever 'they' happen to be,
Or are you hiding from the scars of your own reality?
The monster you're feeding, your lack of perception,
The things that you do to fulfil your addictions.
The light at the end of your tunnel is closing,
What is it that you're so afraid of exposing?
You'd give it all up for what's there for the taking,
Whatever it takes to keep your hands from shaking.
The same things you're thinking might make you feel better,
The same things that probably got you here.

TONIGHT

Just try to understand this isn't what I planned, this ride's out of my hands,
So now I'm forced to be something I cannot be, if only I could make you see.
Tonight I'm alive, I've watched you all grow up and so have I,
Inside this isn't really what I had in mind.
I no longer relate to this world of hate that's forced upon my plate.
I tend to disagree, I hope its not just me, alone if only I could make you see.
Tonight I'm alive, I've watched you all grow up and so have I,
Inside this isn't really what I had in mind.

COULD IT BE

Well, I don't know what to say because there's truth to what you say,
I know it kills you I'm this way, there's something different every day.
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide?
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
Not easy living in my mind, a little peace is hard to find,
My every thought is undermined by all the history inside.
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide?
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
I know I hear the words you said over and over again,
I just can't get them through my head, there's just too many voices.
Must be like living with the dead, waiting for me to begin
To do the things I have said and for this I'm sorry.
So there's some truth to what you say.

BLOW AWAY

Live in my head for just one day, I see myself and look away.
The road is showing now on my face, soon I'll disappear without a fucking trace.
Faces that I've seen turn old and grey, I've lost too many friends along the way,
Memories I never thought would fade, they fade and blow away.
I wish that I could disappear, unzip my skin and leave it here
So I could be no one again, and never let nobody, I'd let nobody in.
Faces that I've seen turn old and grey, I've lost too many friends along the way,
Memories I never thought would fade, they fade and blow away.
So now the walls are closing in because in life you sink or swim.
Sometimes these shoes don't feel right in my head, feel like a book that can't be read.

INTRO

Thank you to the people in my life for putting up with me,
And thank you for the time you sacrificed all on account of me,
For all the times I didn't say.
Fuck you to the jaded and the fake, like to see what you would do.
Fuck you and the judgements that you make, we're not all perfect just like you.
For all the times I didn't say.
Thank you to the people in my life for putting up with me.
from "MTV Icon: Metallica"

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

So close, no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart,
Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters.
I never opened myself this way, life is ours, we live it our way,
All these words I don't just say, and nothing else matters.
Trust I seek and I find in you, every day for us something new,
Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters.
Never cared for what they say, never cared for games they play,
Never cared for what they know, and I know.
So close, no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart,
Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters.
from the album "Chapter V"

RUN AWAY

I'm still scared, afraid of failing, anticipating the ride to end before the wheels begin to move.
Run away so I can hide, I've mastered feeling nothing, I'm dead inside, why don't I care?
Waste my time, commiserating, self-medicating, it's my design although I know you don't approve.
Run away so I can hide, I've mastered feeling nothing, I'm dead inside, why don't I care?
The truth is that I'm not so good at showing how I feel, or keeping my mouth shut when there's something to conceal,
Or knowing how to love, love's not in my memories, how can I rise above all my insecurities?
Run away so I can hide, I've mastered feeling nothing, I'm dead inside, why don't I care?
Run away, I fight the tide, the ebb and flow consuming, still by my side, why should you care?

RIGHT HERE

I know I've been mistaken, but just give me a break and see the changes that I've made.
I've got some imperfections, but how can you collect them all and throw them in my face?
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting,
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting,
And if you chose to walk away, I'd still be right here waiting,
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting.
I hope you're not intending to be so condescending, it's as much as I can take,
And you're so independent, you just refuse to bend so I keep bending til I break.
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting,
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting,
And if you chose to walk away, I'd still be right here waiting,
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting.
I've made a commitment, I'm willing to bleed for you, I needed fulfilment, I found what I need in you.
Why can't you just forgive me, I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way.
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting,
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting.
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting,
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting,
And if I chose to walk away, would you be right here waiting,
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting?

PAPER JESUS

You take this all for granted, all the things they choose to feed you
By keeping you distracted just long enough to bleed you dry.
A reason for your anger, to recognise the truth, it's what I need.
So burn your paper Jesus and own the things you do, it's what I need.
Question what they sell you, all the lies that they are teaching,
And they've made a corporation out of desperate people's feelings of fear.
A reason for your anger, to recognise the truth, it's what I need.
So burn your paper Jesus and own the things you do, it's what I need.
Somebody chose these words for you, interpretations of the truth,
Somewhere behind your fear they hide to fill the holes inside.

SCHIZOPHRENIC CONVERSATIONS

Are you afraid, afraid of the truth in the mirror staring back at you?
The image is cracked but so is the view here.
And the strength of a tree begins in the roots that I tend bury into you.
At least now the storm can't blow me away.
So crawl inside my head with me, I'll show you how it feels to be to blame like me.
Should I be afraid of this face that I see in the mirror staring back at me?
So cold are were days when I listened to you.
And you say that I'm weak, so show me the proof, because I still exist in spite of you,
But I won't compete with you every day.
So crawl inside my head with me, I'll show you how it feels to be to blame like me.
Schizophrenic conversations that I'm always having with myself,
I hear these voices in my head competing, maybe I could use a little help.
I still have schizophrenic conversations when there's no one else around to hear,
And I long for solitude and peace within me, void of all the anger and the fear.
So crawl inside my head with me and I'll show you how it feels to be fucked up like me.
I'll show you how it feels to be to blame like me, ashamed like me.

FALLING

You, in your shell, are you waiting for someone to rescue you from yourself?
Don't be disappointed when no one comes.
Don't blame me, you didn't get it.
I already told you that falling is easy, it's getting back up that becomes the problem,
If you don't believe you can find a way out, you become the problem.
You, all alone, are you waiting for someone to make you whole?
Can't you see, aren't you tired of this dysfunctional routine?
Don't blame me, you didn't get it.
I already told you that falling is easy, it's getting back up that becomes the problem,
If you don't believe you can find a way out, you become the problem.
Falling is easy, it's getting back up that becomes the problem,
And if you believe you can find a way out, then you've solved the problem,
You've solved your problem.

CROSS TO BEAR

Twisting, turning, crashing, burning, all this just to break me down.
You don't know me, you don't see me, you don't own me cause I don't care,
But I'm still here, patiently waiting for you to disappear, is this my cross to bear?
Faceless, faking, pushing, taking, all this just to bring me down.
You don't know me, you don't see me, you don't own me cause I don't care,
But I'm still here, patiently waiting for you to disappear, is this my cross to bear?
You don't know me, you don't own me cause I'm aware,
And I'm still here, patiently waiting for you to disappear, is this my cross to bear?
I'm still here, reluctantly waiting for you to interfere, this is my cross to bear.

DEVIL

She sleeps alone again and tries her best not to pretend that all she used to live for was a love that wasn't there,
And every time she needs to do the things that she believes will fill the void inside of her cause he was never there.
And she says, 'I swear I'm not the devil, though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil.'
He tries to sleep again and wonders when the pain will end, the cuts they may run deeper than his cracking outer shell.
He looks with tired eyes at all the people hypnotised and wonders what can save him from his self-created hell.
And he says, 'I swear I'm not the devil, though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil.'
I always fail to see the little things in front of me, the things that mean so much to you, a way to let you know
That I appreciate the way you always tolerate but sometimes when I medicate frustration in you shows me how you feel.
But I swear I'm not the devil, though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil,
And I scream, 'I swear I'm not the devil, though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil.'

PLEASE

Can't you see that I'm sick of this, chances are you're oblivious to how I feel,
Sitting on your throne and I'm sure that I'm not alone.
Tell me please, who the fuck did you want me to be, was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political, and please, I'm still wearing this miserable skin,
And its starting to tear from within, but it's obvious that doesn't bother you, so please.
I didn't think that you'd sell me out, now I know what you're all about.
You might feel in control of things, but you're not holding all the strings.
Tell me please, who the fuck did you want me to be, was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political, and please, I'm still wearing this miserable skin,
And its starting to tear from within, but it's obvious that matter to you.
I've swallowed all your answers, I've swallowed all my pride,
You've used up all your chances, can't keep this all inside.
Tell me please, who the fuck did you want me to be, was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political, and please, I'm still wearing this miserable skin,
And its starting to tear from within, but it's obvious that doesn't bother you,
So please, don't keep telling me that it's okay, I don't buy all the shit that you say,
And quite honestly I'm fucking sick of it, so please,
If I cut off this nose from my face, then I wouldn't feel so out of place,
But it still wouldn't be quite enough for you, so please.

EVERYTHING CHANGES

If you just walked away, what could I really say?
Would it matter anyway, would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose, the closet you cannot close,
The devil in you, I suppose, cause the wounds never heal.
But everything changes if I could turn back the years,
If you could learn to forgive me, then I could learn to feel.
Sometimes the things I say in moments of disarray,
Succumbing to the games we play to make sure that it's real.
But everything changes if I could turn back the years,
If you could learn to forgive me, then I could learn to feel.
When it's just me and you, who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through the toughest part of the day?
Everything changes if I could turn back the years,
If you could learn to forgive me, then I could learn how to feel,
Then we could stay here together and we could conquer the world,
If we could say that 'forever' is more than just a word.
If you just walked away, what I could really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway, it wouldn't change how you feel.

TAKE THIS

I can't believe how far I've come, now watch me stumble and come undone.
If you take away these memories, all that's left is just me.
Cause I don't want this and I don't need this and I don't feel this.
It seems that even though she's with me I can't shake this,
And I can't fake this and I won't take this anymore.
So you choose to break my heart, I should have seen this from the start.
I'm haunted by your apathy, all that's left is killing me.
Cause I don't want this and I don't need this and I don't feel this.
It seems that even though she's with me I can't shake this,
And I can't fake this and I won't take this anymore.
Do you believe that the way you choose to be,
I've always had to see brighter side of this so I don't lose my faith.
Now the sun has gone away, it's getting colder every day,
So before I freeze to death there's something I should say.
I don't want this, I don't need this and I don't feel this.
It seems that even though she's with me I can't shake this,
And I can't fake this and I won't take this.
Though you say you understand you still won't face this,
Can't erase this, I won't embrace this anymore.

KING OF ALL EXCUSES

You, I trusted your intentions, a trust you took advantage of,
Now you are sitting in the hole that you dug around yourself.
You've lied so much you think it's true, do you know what the truth is?
How does someone get to be like you, the king of all excuses?
Is she your partner in deception or caught inside the web you've spun?
Did you forget that you were family, the damage you have done?
You've lied so much you think it's true, do you know what the truth is?
How does someone get to be like you, the king of all excuses?
I trusted you, I trusted in you.
This time you're gonna get it, all the things you've done coming back to you.
This time you're gonna feel it, your conscience slowly suffocating you.
In time you will regret it, say goodbye to all the things you've gotten used to.
Life will find a way to bring this karma to you.
You've lied so much you think it's true, do you know what the truth is?
How does someone get to be like you, the king of all excuses?
Everything must come full circle, it kills me that I feel this hurtful,
I wonder what your children think of you, the king of all excuses.

REPLY

I have seen too many sad eyes look at me, the eyes that set me free, all the places that I've been.
Thank you for the letters that you thought you wrote in vain,
And for the times you chose to stand out in the rain and wait for me.
Your words help me to see a little honesty in a world that doesn't share,
And your eyes tell the story of your pain, severity of your disdain in a world that doesn't care.
So thank you for the letters that you thought you wrote in vain,
And for the times you chose to stand out in the rain and wait.
You understand my pain, from this I gather strength in that we are the same.
So thank you for the letters that you thought you wrote in vain,
And times you chose to stand out in the rain and wait,
The life I live will never be the same without you here.

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