A Light Drizzle:

That kiss messed with my head. Jim was such a playboy back then. He knew his way with the ladies. That charming bastard certainly knew his way with me. Hey, I ended up marrying him after all. Anyway, that boy messed up my head so much with that stupid kiss. I couldn’t think straight anymore. That moment change everything from there. My eyes slowly opened to a new word. My feelings for your grandfather became complicated from there as well.

For days, I couldn’t look in that boy’s eyes at all. He messed my mind that badly. I hated him then. He hated him so much that it hurt my heart. Here’s where it gets confusing. I hated myself as well. I hated myself for having feelings for Jim. My head couldn’t focus at all. I didn’t want to do anything at all after that. I couldn’t even do my schoolwork right. I dropped from straight A’s to B’s and C’s. Everyone around me became concerned. They all started asking questions.

“Starlette,” they would say. “What’s the matter with you?” I couldn’t answer them at all. How could I? I think I’m in love with a negro boy? They would have me carted off to the nuthouse. Again, different times back then, Frieda. You have to understand.

It all got so bad that even your grandfather started to notice. Seeing his face and him following me around only made it worse. On October 7th, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to fix this problem or go insane forever. So, I did the logical thing in my situation. I went over to Jim to confront him about my feelings.

I found him outside during lunch smoking on campus with his black friends. Those clowns were all laughing and enjoying themselves without a care in the world. My blood began to boil again. Jim looked so handsome with his dark blue Michael Jackson-style jacket with his jeans and cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I wanted to march over to him and slap him to the ground. But yet, I wanted to kiss him hard on the lips. At first, I didn’t know what to do. I was torn between hate and infatuation at that moment. See how your grandfather messes with my head even to this very day?

I finally became angry and stormed over to those fools. They all looked up at me. Jim smirked at me badly.

“Hey there, Vanilla Barbie!” he called out to me. “What’s shaking?” I didn’t listen at all. I marched all the way to that devil and slapped him right in the face so hard that his cigarette fell straight to the ground. Those monkeys laughed and made snarky comments at us. I glared at them coldly.

“Shut up!” I barked at them. I barked at them. Those monkeys added onto their immaturity.

“Oh-hooooo!!!” they called out in response. Jim turned to his boys as he rubbed his cheek in pain.

“Seriously guys,” he said. “Beat it! Vanilla Barbie’s clearly got a beef with me and wants to settle it alone! So go eat or something!” His friends all went into quiet shock and complied. We watched as those dumb monkeys walked away to the building. Jim turned his attention to me once again.

“Problem?” he asked me innocently. I sat on my anger the best that I could. Oh, his voice pissed me off so. But yet, that bastard sounded so sexy!

“Yes!” I snapped. “You!” Your grandfather raised an eyebrow at me.

“Oh really?” he challenged. “Why is that?” I didn’t hold back at all! I let that little narcissist have it!

“Because,” I snapped. “You’re just there! Everywhere I look, there you are! I see your face everywhere I turn! I hear your voice and name everywhere! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, you n****r! Grrr! Why do you do this to me? You mess up my mind, you bastard!!! Why? Why? Why did you have to kiss me that day, you jerk?!?” While I ranted, I heard laughing. I looked to see Jim laughing at me. That made my blood boil even more!

“What the hell is so damn funny, Jim?!?” I snapped. He stopped laughing and looked at me with that sexy-annoying smirk of his.

“Is that all?” your grandfather asked me. I stared at him blankly for a moment. I couldn’t speak at all. I wanted to slap him again, but my body wouldn’t move.

“Well…yeah!” I said at last. Jim smiled and shook his head at me.

“Aw come here,” he said to me. Your grandfather grabbed me and kissed on the lips again. I became really confused again. At first, I tried to fight him off, but he wouldn’t let go. In the end, I gave up fighting and kissed Jim back. Yes, Frieda. Your grandfather had me sold just like that. And our little dance together didn’t stop there either. There was more where that kiss came from.

1983