The Rationality of Sexuality
Sexuality teaches about the art of living:
We get social influence from the other one that we feel attracted toward, influence of her/his way of doing things which is the base for her/his talents and so we learn something of her/his talents as we associate with her/him.
It is a question of sexuality connected to LIKING OR ADMIRING someone, to a POSITIVE KIND of social relationship.
Consequently it WORKS ALSO IN ANY FRIENDLY KIND OF natural SOCIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A RELAXED ATMOSPHERE.
THE MORE YOU LIKE AND ADMIRE THE OTHER ONE, THE MORE YOU WILL LEARN WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN.
SEXUALITY AND LEARNING
It is not so that emotionally important things would not be beneficial to us. It is just so that we do not always have the skill of taking the advantage that they really offer, like one can notice from this example of sexuality and learning.
The following applies at least to flirting without actually going to bed.
It is a question of sexuality connected to LIKING OR ADMIRING someone, to a POSITIVE KIND of social relationship.
Consequently it WORKS ALSO IN ANY FRIENDLY KIND OF natural SOCIAL RELATIONSHIP with a relaxed atmosphere.
THE MORE YOU LIKE AND ADMIRE THE OTHER ONE, THE MORE YOU WILL LEARN.
SEX
Healthy natural sexuality is a natural part of the functioning of a human society. Without it the society would be somewhat fractured. Fractureless and healthy is the optimised choise.
DIFFERENT NEEDS CAUSE DIFFERENT LIKINGS
The roles of things in life and in our picture of the world vary according to what we ourselves are like, what our strengths, weaknesses, role and situation of life are, and according to what are our power relationships in each thing compared to each one of all the other persons, what is our effect to the whole, in which respects are we (our life) based on each thing, and so on.
Different individuals have different identities and different things are beneficial to the different individuals:
* different abilities
* different environment
-> different things are needed for development and because of this, different things make sense to the individual
In addition there are the different likings:
* personal characteristics
* one's ability to notice things
* needs, things that are lacking and meeting those needs
* sense of health!
* habits
* which things bring the meaningfulness to life,...
Read my text Sex and the wish to copy good ways of doing things: different men like different women.
SEX AND THE WISH TO COPY GOOD WAYS OF DOING THINGS
Men think that women look charming because of sex. But they are mistaken: Women look attractive because they are more intelligent than men, use better ways of doing things. Sexual attraction is at least partly a question of a natural way of learning.
There is a resemblance between the bravures of men and the ordinary ways of doing of women. So men have a lot to learn from women.
Sex brings lots of influence from the other person's way to live and do things and so gives one the possibility to learn new ways of doing things by copying from the model. Socialisation serves as a natural helping aid in learning.
Sexual attraction is the greater the better the other one is at something that one wants/needs to learn about the art of living.
Health, naturality, balance, good healthy ways of doing things, an unified whole,...
The wish to develop to a healthy direction that is positive for happy life.
As long as one is moral, sexuality is positive for happy life. And these thoughts mean that it is also benefical.
THE WAY TO LEARN FROM SEX
So as one is sexual, one should pay attention to the influence that one gets about the other person's ways of moving and ways to do things and try to via them understand, like is natural for humans and animals, the mode (eyes, hearing, thinking, memory, body coordination, emotions, atmospheres, social things,...) and way (rythm, structure,...) of doing. Via learning these balances of divisions of attention and effort one can learn the ways of doing of the other person and so her/his talents and skills. By making a combination of these two ways to live, one's own and that of the other person, by using the unified understanding of both, one can combine the good sides of both and leave those bad sides away for which the other one has strenghts to replace them with.
If there is something which is of no use but still interests you, check whether it can enrichen other areas of life, for example by giving sensed models to thinking, so that there is a point to an interest in it anyway. Feelings and atmospheres are valuable: check the section about them. Also, a human being is basically a physical being, all the actions being intertwined around the physical body, so keeping the body fit and well functioning keeps the whole human fit, balanced, healthy, happy and well functioning. We are also social beings, pack animals. What our social environment is like and how the pack works affects enermously our lives. Our whole environment consists of humans, of the human pack, so it really makes sense to pay lots of attention to social things too. But on the pther hand, we need also planning, hard rationality in order to get things work well, so there is a point to most seemingly irrational interests in the good sides of others. Those which do not make sense, are a consequense of a thought error. But remember that the needs of people differ. What one has a lot, one doesn't necessarily need from the other. So someone can bear a person who would be totally unsuitable to another one. And a person with other skills than yourself can benefit from other good sides of others then what you yourself are capable of. Like for example whether one has learned this way from learning from sex or not - that can make an enermous difference to one's learning ability. One should just rememeber that the more skills one has, the more one can influence things and the more important it is to be responsible, moral: to think of the consequences of one's actions, to carry responsibility about them.
LEARNING MAKES THE ENJOYMENT PERMANENT
Learning doesn't remove the enjoyment from sex: by learning you get permanent the good feeling: it comes partly from the feeling of strenght and ease of the other one and partly from a well functioning social relationship - that is one thing to learn too, so that good feeling too will become a permanent enjoyment to your life!
WHAT IF THE STRUCTURES ARE TOO DIFFICULT TO BEGIN WITH
If the structures that the other person uses are too difficult for you, that is partly a consequence of her/his ways of doing: if you would adobt the same ways of doing, especially the same mode and division of forces and attention, you would get an as big capacity as the other one has. Remember the thinking part and the use of forces that the other one uses in thinking: especially what is the role of the sense of sight in conceiving things, all its roles in thinking. Also, remember to value atmospheres, beauty and sensitivity.
But what if your memory isn't enough to remember these complex structures, then use your memory for nature landscapes, placing the picture to be remembered above the complexity of a nature landscape and using a similiar way of remembering than for the nature view. That should increase your memory and capacity to handle such structures to manyfold.
Also, in order to remember the mode, use your memory for atmospheres, sensations and experiences and not the memory for already learned school like things.
Read the texts Developing in skill, On the value of real justice, and also the other texts before this text.
Read also the texts Fulfilling dreams and Building on the healthy.
The ability to use the senses as a helping aid in thinking and an understanding of the connection between physical and psychological(?) helps one to learn from sex. Also an understanding about the role of modes in developing abilities helps one to learn from sex. Read the texts Learning from those much above one's skill level and Developing abilities.
COMPARING ONESELF TO OTHER HUMANS
DEVELOPING SKILLS
If we pay attention to different sides of things,
we get a different perspective to the world,
where different things get emphazized in perception,
as a base of practical action (knowledge)
and as goals.
Our understanding of the world,
of causes and consequences
and of the importance of things in life,
creates this emphazis together with our mode of action
(spreading of attention,
how our different functions get emphazized in living and doing),
our habits,
skills (which determine which ones are easiest and most succesful routes to our goals)
and getting socialized towards the perspectives, modes, values and ways of doing of other persons.
Being talented in something means that one is on the right kind of mode for that kind of things to succeed
and pays natural attention to the right things (the essentials, the point in things) in a right way.
One can learn by copying from another by emphatizing,
taking the other person as a model for oneself,
noticing the essential and putting things into practise
in a way that takes into account the differences in personal strenghts
(so the base for action is a little different for each person)
and doing things based on one's own rythm,
understanding and true motivational ground
(emotions that are not based on social position, technical things
or theory-based knowledge).
Balance the whole. Do things in healthy ways that take the whole into account.
All healthy human beings have the same natural functional parts
which join together to form the whole.
Different persons have different strenghts. One can emphazize the functions differently and get wholes that are balanced differently. One cal learn from others new balances.
The most healthy balance is the goal.
Read the texts "All humans have the same needs" and "Natural environment and life".
The fascinating tale like books of Carlos Castaneda - an anthropologist from Peru - tell about indian shamanism: about the skill of changing radically one's way of perceiving the world.
Shamanism at large may be connected to using ways of perception and communication that are natural to human beings - like emphaty, instincts in a nature environment etc.
If one loves or really admires someone, sexual contact with her or him is a question of likings. So it is a question of what one needs. Fullfilling that need (those needs) makes one's working ability better. Please read the sections about sex and learning in my "book" about this.
BUILDING A REALLY BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP
Retaining your purity in a sexual affair
Some religious people turn to celibate in order to retain their purity in the spiritual sense. It is true that there is a tangle of social influences, obligations and conflicts and motivational factors in a sexual affair. The most straightforward way to try to avoid the negative effect of not being able to handle such a tangle is to avoid it. But to most paople such a tactic does not work either: they nedd to learn how to untangle the social and sexual knot. One part of that untangling process is really loneliness: if you are completely alone, you should not do anything out of social reasons. Instead you should rely completely on your hearts voice. That means choosing always the options which in reality have a positive atmosphere to you – so it among other things means being extremely moral in the large scale questions but also otherwise. If you notive that you are about to choose some selfish non-moral option, that propably is because you mixed some socialk calculations to your decision. Deciding solely on feelings without social calculativity you should arrive at supporting a paradise upon Earth. That course of action leaves also the most room for your own life, for your own happiness. Fitting that together with the life and happiuness of the other one goes with the easy principle "Live and let others live!".
But what to do with the social tangle: my role, the role of the other one, the social environment of the other one and my own social environment, my habits and those of the other one,…: an endless web of things to take into account. Ther easy principle "Live and let others live!" already solves a lot of this mess. My Paradise Movement idea also solves a lot of how to fit people harmnonically and constructively together. You should think what is the natural basic form of a human being, the completely healthy way to live, the fullfillment of hopes and wishes in the context of biological picture ofg humans – see my text Fullfilling dreams. So you should let each person live freely morally in a way that is faitful to one's own ultimate hopes and dreams in life (noy calcvulations but the human nature!) and at the same time form an ever changing completely fair and sincere social bond with the other one (the social bond is not fixed rule, instead you should express your feelings completely: hug when you feel like that but also take distance when you need it, without hurting the other one, so the factors binding you together should be a part of the natural dynamics of your life instead of rule forming things) – sexuality forms a close bond quickly, but in my eyes that bond is social (it affects your social life) even though it is kept up by sexuality, since sexuality is connected to your likings: to with whom you want to form a close relationship, who is beneficial company to you – and to whom you yourslef are beneficial company, a fair relationship since in just such a relationship you can get the most out of the best sides of each: those get lifted upmost and the not-at-all-good sides get pushed down. In other words, you get the best sides of each and a free social relationship on atrue trustworthy lasting ground.
UNDERSTANDING THE OPPOSITE SEX
How to understand the opposite sex? There are two cultural components in a society: the ways of women and the ways of men. What you know well as the local culture but what is not the style and ways of your own sex in an environment consisting solely of your own sex, is the culture of the other sex: their social environment, the expectations from them,… So men think about the things that are labelled "what is cynically necessary to take into account in the modern world". And women are put to the role which is termed "what all humans are like: feeling, compassionate, responsible,…"
A HOLISTIC VIEW ABOUT WHAT YOU FEEL AND WHY YOU FEEL SO
Feelings are rational :
1. First the feeling,
2. Then the reason causing that feeling
3. Then an understanding of the importance of those things in life and in the world at large. This is the rationality in feeling so: feelings help to safeguard the health of the individual's ways of living, the health of the society and of the environment. So following feelings is beneficial!
Each person has many different sides, you feel separately about all of them. So please be analytical in human relationships, for example in love affairs, and think of the different sides of the relationship separately too. For example you may like some charachteristics emotionally and some intellectually: those both are sensations, feelings to take into account. The whole is just the added effect of the parts... This way you can behave completely according to your feelings in love affairs and in all of your social life so that you are completely rational all the time if you just remember to use a holistic landscape like view of the world and of the things that you think&feel about.
Links
Feelings
Likings are useful
Structure analogs make one learn from one's likings
The great song of life
The body and dance
Castaneda's books
Getting new sexual relationships
Finding a sexual partner
My book about the rationality of feelings, get it for free at stores.lulu.com/khtervola
Email: Hannele.Tervola@gmail.com