I was sure after everything he had gone threw. That he wouldn’t have turned out like this. I mean his mother leaving and all ending up being the biggest whore in the world and not caring about ME OR HIM OR ANYONE!
I took a deep breath like they told me to at the place when I got angry. I just took a deep breath to calm myself down. I had to be careful. I had to make sure that I didn’t screw this up before I even got to completely execute the plan.
When I close my eyes, I can remember the last time I put my arms around and held him. The way a father should hold his son.
I watched him walk down the stairs of his new families home as he rounds the corner he speaks to the Babysitter Cassandra and the youngest male Hanson, Mackenzie. Timothy smiles down at him and I can’t shake how much his smile reminds me of Janice. Then, he sits down at the kitchen table and I get goose bumps at how close he really is to me. I would love just to grab him and never look back and then Timmy and I could be together again.
He stairs of into space like he always does in the morning and I know deep down he is thinking of me. I would love to stroke his long blond hair and tell him one day soon. I can no longer resist the urge to capture him and I begin taking snap shots, photos of my child . I take picture after picture only stopping to reload the camera.
I want him to stay like this as long as human possible, but I am interrupted as Taylor walks threw the front door catching Zac’s attention. He always seems to ruin things for me damn him, stupid pretty boy! A boy that nice looking might just be able to make a man fall in love. You know, there are dirty men out there like me.... Zachary has become such a great person, such a wonderful amazing person. He is the best son any father could wish for. He is the best brother and friend anyone could wish for. I watch the way he interacts with the Hanson, with everyone and I know my Timmy is perfection on Earth.
He stands up shaking me from my thoughts. I watch him venture down the hallway towards the bathroom. As soon as he is done brushing his teeth and other morning rituals he quickly removes all his clothing and goes in the shower. I watch him clean his body as the water runs along his defining arms. He is even more beautiful like this, completely natural. I can admire the human being that I created. I feel excitement in me as he continues to wash. STOP IT! I will not get those feelings. He is my son and I will not hurt him, not like that. I promised myself not to do that anymore. I take a deep breath again calming myself the way they told me too in the place. The only boy that I will allow myself to get excited for is Taylor.
When he retreated from the bathroom and went somewhere I couldn’t see him, I took the chance to stare at the last picture we took together. He was eight. God, I have missed him so much. Finally, he reappears. They must be leaving like they were planning. I heard Diana mention that she was gonna take Zac, Taylor and Isaac to the store. I took a deep breath and readied myself. This was it, the plan was gonna start being carried out today. I will make contact with him for the first time in six years.
Wait, I think he saw me.... I held my breath for a moment I wanted to make sure it was real. Oh yes, we made eye contact and I felt a wave of emotion wash over me in a matter of moments. Dear lord, he is staring at me. I can almost feel tears.
NO! WAIT! He looks frightened! GOD DAMN IT TIMMY! Father’s are not supposed to make their children frightened. I just wanted to run over and grab him by the arms and shake him scream, STOP BEING SCARED OF ME!!!!. I grabbed my forehead in pain. I hated when there was screaming in my head.
I wasn’t gonna care if he was scared god dammit! I still followed his ever move more now then ever. I wanted to run to him and grab him and love him, but I couldn’t. He was on Diana’s hip. FUCKING BITCH! She feed him these lies. She pretended to be his mother. I want to hurt her and make her feel as much pain as she is making me feel. I wanted to make her remember that TIMMY IS NOT A HANSON!
The more scared he got the more pissed I felt. I watched more intensely and closely I felt like I was ready to bash somebody’s skull in. I can’t stand his clinginess to that witch. She is not his mother! JANICE IS HIS MOTHER! I HATE HER! I HATE THAT WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY!. They took my son and they are gonna pay for it. The kids, the babysitter, Diana and oh ho ho especially Walker. This is all his fault and I will make sure that one day he is gonna hurt as bad as I do right now!